Was me ex girlfriend emotionally abusive?

My ex girlfriend tells me that I was emotionally abusive, but I feel like she was, and it's making me think I'm crazy.

I'll try and keep this short.

We dated for 3 years and it was extremely rocky throughout. She eventually ended things in March on the day she moved to London; something she had told me would be a "new start" for us, and I was looking forward to so much. But 3 days before she moved she told me she loved me, and then the day she moved she ended it by text, and she started to HATE me. And I mean seriously hate me. I was the worst person on earth! She told me that she'd been sleeping with a guy at work for months too, and that she no longer fancied me or wanted to have sex with me, and that she never loved me.

When I stupidly went to see her at her new flat due to her frantic, drunken, and emotionally driven request one night after she moved she was sat in the dark listening to songs we listened to and crying. An argument ensued and, despite her sleeping with someone (which I wasn't allowed to mention, nor was I allowed to mention the other guy she had an affair with whilst she was travelling) she began screaming at me about a female friend I'd had for years during the relationship, and then she started to hit me. I restrained her and shouted at her and eventually ended up breaking my hand on her bedroom door. This she then used to label me as a violent person that would eventually attack her if she stayed.

That was the last time I saw her, which seemed fitting. I have now been branded a violent abuser, a monster, a psychopath, a sociopath (by her, and her sister, who called me up to tell me that I was one), and basically am the worst human in existence. All this from someone who told me "god I love you so much" a week before. I am certain that I am sane and that I don't have any personality disorder at all. None of my friends, who I've known for most of my life have ever said there is anything wrong with me, neither have any of my past girlfriends.

Anyway, I've been left broken by this event, and from the relationship in general and despite the fact it is now July I still get anxiety going to parts of London, and I get the urge to breakdown regularly. I am now having therapy, and taking anti-depressants to deal with the trauma. And I still question my sanity at times, though this is fading.

Back history on her: troubled at school, was a lesbian and then changed, abusive ex boyfriend, raped by man in 40's multiple times during her teens (don't know how that even happens), had a restraining order placed on a female school friend, dad left when she was 3.

She was absolutely obsessed with me for years, and then it all changed.

During the relationship she did the following to me:

1. Stalked me, sitting outside my house. Which she denied, saying she was just passing when I found out she was there.
2. Keying my car when I tried to leave her and verbally abusing me for accusing her and for getting her arrested
3. Threatened suicide 10+ times when I tried to leave her, including leaving voice messages telling me she'd taken too many pills and was dying.
4. Acted like nothing had happened afterwards and made me question myself and my sanity
5. Lied about being pregnant when I tried to leave her and included a photo of her naked and sticking out her belly, to which she added "what kind of disgusting man are you leaving me with your child....although it could be Mike's" - still have no idea who Mike is.
6. Lied about having cancer and when I questioned her she broke up with me and then slept with someone at work and told me about it via email
7. Slept with a guy whilst travelling in NZ and sent me photos of them smiling and hugging each other and told me about their sex. Then lied to me about him leaving, maintained a relationship with me, and had a full blown relationship with him for months without me knowing.
8. Tried to pin any STIs she had contracted whilst travelling on me.
9. Verbally abused me multiple times, particularly saying things like "you're pathetic", "what kind of a man are you" etc.
10. Ripped up my clothes.
11. Wrote C**t on my tshirt and then rang my doorbell and ran off leaving it on my porch

The list goes on.

Now, I did rise to it on occasion and said some nasty things to her, such as "no wonder you don't have any friends" - which she didn't, well, only male ones. And at the end after our fight where I broke my hand I said some horrendous things to her, and I really lowered my level to hers. This has added to me thinking maybe I'm crazy.

For years I kept her at arms length knowing she wasn't right, then as time went on over the years my self esteem was knocked so far down that I actually fell for all of that behaviour and believed her when she said she loved me. She was extremely attractive, and I was extremely weak for her. Eventually I started to fall for her and then she switched.

Anyway, without going on, does anyone have any idea what all that behaviour is about? yes, I know I am nuts for sticking with her, that's obvious, but she was incredibly manipulative (something I misinterpreted as love), I felt sorry for her, she was two people (probably even more than that) and she was soooo much fun and so nice much of the time.

Thanks

To answer your question if I think you're crazy? No. Not at all.

The whole door incident was a culmination of the enduring, repeated, unacceptable behaviour that you put up with from her for far too long.

Which is something that I think that you need to have a hard long look at, for your own sake, before you enter another relationship. 99% of men would have left ages ago - she had multiple affairs, was a liar, manipulative, a cheat - the list goes on and on. For your own sake, you didn't need to put up with that for so long - and it would concern me if you entered another relationship and had to endure that kind of treatment, and stuck around, without leaving.

She clearly is emotionally unstable and sounds like she needs a lot of help.

You can hold your head high and walk around confidently that you are so much better than that and you deserve so much better!

I agree with Crazy Hitch.

Agree with CH, think the best you can do is look at why you stayed in such an emotionally abusive relationship for so long.

It sounds like she has been manipulating you emotionally for a long time. You must feel disoriented at this point, I can only suggest keeping your distance from her and her contacts because there's a good chance she may try to drag you back into her drama filled life again. If so, don't be tempted to react, hard though it may be it is what she is looking for - don't give her it or the cycle will continue.

Space and healing time seems like a sensible plan for you. Take good care.

Gee she sounds terrible. Please never consider to ever talk about to her. Be done. Block her

No, you do not sound crazy at all. You were able to objectively describe things very well.

She's a very unstable person. Best to move on.

Thanks for your replies everyone!

It's incredible how she effected me. I have taken a very big look at myself and at why I stuck around for so long. I think the fact is I was very confident and self assured when I met her, which is why I think she wanted me so badly, i was the opposite of her. But as time went on, the more I tried to help her, the more I got broken down. And I interpreted what I can now see as blatant manipulation, as love. I'd never experienced anyone like this before, I thought people were inherently nice. Slowly my self esteem diminished as nothing I could do would avoid the push/pull for long before the next problem arose. And she would make up with me as if nothing had happened and I was the greatest guy in the world again.

Also, I had ended things with my previous girlfriend and I really regretted doing it so much, and I didn't want to mess things up again. Also as I got closer to 30, which I became in March, I became more committed to trying to make it work. More fool me!

I can't believe how mad it all was, or that I stuck around. But yes, I am realising that I am not crazy (but I am for sticking around) and I need to figure out why I did. I was definitely addicted to her.