[DodgersMom]

i've dealt with jealousy issues my whole life... and i don't mean, raging jealousy where i plan to harm someone, i just mean internally, feeling like I'm not good enough and worthless and constantly comparing myself to others.

i grew up with emotional abuse/neglect and a brother who did no wrong. i was always jealous of him. my disabled brother always got special treatment as well and i was the one everyone ignored.

in school i'd have friends who would befriend my other friends and they would go out and do things without me, i hated it.

its only manifested in a BAD state, i am so jealous of everyone in my life in some form.... even my best friend, i can't stand listening to her talk about her other friends and the things they do, because i just assume she likes them better and will end our friendship

i am also realizing in therapy, i am becoming jealous of his other clients... i don't know them but i always assume I'm the annoying one and he likes them better.

how the heck do i deal with this? i am scared to mention it in therapy, i don't want him seeing this side of me or being scared that i am "protective" of him. i would never ever ever harm anyone... i just want these feelings to end, over 30 yrs of this insanity is enough

advice please?

[Sunflower123]

I think the best place to work this out is in therapy. You just don't have to include him as part of your jealousy issues. If at some point you become comfortable then you can tell him. Best wishes.

[Sassandclass]

Therapy is a great place to start, like Jennifer said.
Jealousy usually manifests itself when we don't feel good enough about ourselves. Working on building your personal self esteem may help ease feelings of jealousy too

[TishaBuv]

I am so uncomfortable with jealousy, I will avoid it at all costs. If you're a person who gets jealous from everything, I guess it's unavoidable.

I suppose I'm suggesting you just change paths and avoid the triggers. I really do that. Maybe that's not healthy. IDK, don't listen to me.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

but i always assume I'm the annoying one and he likes them better.

how the heck do i deal with this? i am scared to mention it in therapy,

advice please?

What about starting your conversation with your therapist, here, on this lone point?

Toxic shame is certainly something to look into as far as self work.
And have you looked into the Psych Central blogs regarding childhood emotional neglect?

This sounds like it is bound up with feelings of inferiority and insecurity.

It may be beneficial to work on self esteem/self compassion in order to see yourself as a person who does have value.

I do think it would be very helpful to talk about it with your T, he really will have heard what you are describing before - in fact he may well be working with other clients with the same issues.

[Crazy Hitch]

Jealousy is a really uncomfortable feeling. I know because I've experienced it to varying degrees at some point in my life.

I think that there's one word that you used that summed up your entire thread - you used the word assume.

Your life is living on "what ifs".

So you need to answer all the possible avenues of these "what ifs" scenarios.

"What if I'm my therapist's most annoying client".

- He's a professional; unlikely he'd take a form of annoyance personally
- He's trained to deal with all sorts of emotions from clients
- A professional therapist would not have favouritism with clients and like / dislike one over the other

"What if my therapist thinks I'm being protective of him?"

- He could take it as a compliment that you feel comfortable and confident enough that the advice and counselling that he has been giving you is serving you in good stead and that you would not want anything to end the counselling unduly because you are gaining from it

"What if my therapist knew about my jealousy issues"

- Therapists are trained to deal with so many scenarios
- The jealousy is coming from a place of deep insecurity - and this is exactly what your therapist is there to help you with
- If you tell your therapist how you truly feel - you can get some genuine help with some of the real issues going on here

"What if your best friend ends your friendship"

- Yes, this will be painful
- Yes, life does move on, slowly, when friendships fade ....

I'm going to stop there because I think you can see my point

[DodgersMom]

Thanks everyone. I will try to bring it up with him as tough as it is but it may have to wait another week, I have something else I really need to discuss tomorrow.

I just hate this side of myself and yep I do have to work on my esteem. Seems like an impossible task but hopefully I can get there