I called but you did not answer

I hear this line all the time from certain people...."I called, but you did not answer." What's particularly annoying about it is that I am told this after a missed phone call that I was not expecting. Unless I can read minds, why would I be waiting on their phone call? When I hear this from people, it makes me very angry! As though I have nothing better to do with my time than to stand around by the phone waiting for their phone call. And, it's a nasty, sneaky little accusation against me that I'm not answering on purpose. I've even had one person in particular (who is the definition of manipulative) tell me this on behalf of someone else. Saying to me "So and so called you but you did not answer." That really makes my blood boil.

Up until now, I've always taken the high road and said I was busy, or out running errands, or taking the dog for a walk. In other words, I was honest with my answer to them as to why I did not answer the phone. But I'm sick of being called out on this and being made to feel like I'm on the witness stand being cross examined. It's no ones business as to why I did not answer my phone.

So what should I say to people when they tell me this?

I'm guessing you don't have a cellphone? Usually if people don't find you at home, they call on your cellphone to find you.

Anyway, you can't really tell them anything else other than the truth. If they don't believe you, it's up to them.. you can't really do anything. Just know that you did the right thing..

Thanks for your response Mickey. I have a cell phone. And you're right, people have tried to reach me on my cell and most of the time I answer. But there have been times I don't answer because my phone is dead due to me forgetting to charge it. And guess what I hear......I called your cell, but you did not answer. I guess there's a common idea among people that cell calls should always be answered because most people keep their cell phones on them 24/7. But even then, there will still be times when you don't answer a cell call, and it's rude to question someone on that. I don't understand why some people can't just leave it alone and say nothing. Just try calling again later. I mean, if you call someone multiple times and they don't answer, then there is cause for concern and I can understand questioning someone on it. But otherwise, people should not inquire. Anyway, I feel like I'm ranting. Sorry if I am. Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it.

You can't stop people from saying that but it's your prerogative whether or not to answer your phone and whether or not to explain why you didn't answer. It's your business.

It's just a throw away line. Like a "by the way I called you earlier but you didn't pick up". I don't know about the people you are in contact with, but I can't think of a time when someone has said that to me or anyone around me in an accusing way. I think It's just something people say. Don't take it personally

Just ignore it. My dad often calls when I am at work and then asks why I didn't answer. Annoying.

I don't think I've ever had any say that to me in an accusatory way. That would get on my nerves, too. Sometimes I can't answer, and sometimes I don't want to. End of story. Would it help you to have an answer prepared for that? Like, "Did you leave a message?" Or, "We're talking now - what's up?" Or, "Did you need something specific? Can I help you with that now?"

Move past the discussion of when you didn't answer and skip any assumption that you need to provide a reason/justification. Cut to the chase of the conversation.

I see it more as a comment to let you know they called rather than anything accusatory. I would normally respond with " leave a voice message & I will get back with you as soon as possible"

I own a small farm & have a full time need to work around it. Sometimes they catch me at a break time....otherwise not & I call back when I have time....if its important their voice message will let me know. I feel no need to explain. My life style is very different than many of my friends & the same as my other women friends who care for their farms by themselves also.....they know what it's like.

Say nothing. It sounds like people are trying to put you on the spot, or get a rise out of you. They may enjoy thinking they can push you into feeling defensive. Don't give them the satisfaction. At most, shrug and act like you don't know what they're talking about.