I am majorly depressed. But I cannot deal with one of my "friends" anymore. She is incredibly rude and hurtful towards me. Passive aggressive and cruel. The other day, we went to an out of town festival. 3 hrs in, I was depressed and wanted to go home. She drove though. I expressed to her I wanted to go home, but that we could stay longer if she wanted. She looked at me and said coldly "so we just do what YOU want to do?". So we stayed. At one point, in the car, she said "so how's Laura?". I am not friends with Laura anymore. And she knows that. I asked her why she brought it up, if she knew that, and she said "I don't know, it was a mistake, forgive me?". But she was really smiling a lot when she said it, and seemed gleeful. It was creepy. The last straw, is when she said "I wonder if my religious values play into the way I date.". I have told her about my dating difficulties and regrets. I asked her what she meant by that comment. And she said "you don't seem worried about the things I worry about in dating.". That hurt. I told her I regretted making out with said guy, and she just showed me a catalogue of clothes she was interested in. Completely ignored me. She has issues too. But I honestly don't care. I need to take care of myself.

I need advice on how to end this friendship. I don't want to be mean or cruel or hurtful. I'm not sure if I should be formal about it, and tell her I need a break. And tell her why. Or just block her number? Or ignore her messages. I don't know what's best to do. she gets mad easily and won't take it well I'm sure.

My instinct would be 'slow fade', she sounds like quite an intense person who could be provoked by direct confrontation.

From what you write your instincts seem bang on about her, so trust yourself on this, you're right you need to take care of yourself.

[SvanThor]

The best way to end these kinds of friendships is to just let them fade away. Don't ask them to hang out, don't do things with them anymore. If they ask you to hang out, just tell them you're busy or come up with a ******** excuse so they'll leave you alone. If they confront you, you can be honest. You don't have to be cruel to be honest.

[vishva8kumara]

I really don't know how friendships between two girls work (apparently it is different from friendships among guyes). But can't you just stop being around her, and excuse away to meet, see or talk with her.. If you would slowly get away from her and make new friends, I hope she will understand.

I will try letting it just fade away, coming up with excuses if she asks to hang out, and ignoring her.

I think honesty would go a long way. At least that is how I'd handle it. You can provide her with information to possibly grow from and provide yourself with the confidence of being forthcoming and honest. I know that if someone no longer wanted to be my friend, I'd appreciate at least knowing why. It's horrible to be "ghosted" by friends and lovers.....it feels truly terrible. Honesty is not always the best policy but in situations such as this I think it is. Ask yourself if you were in your friends shoes what you wish would be done to you. That is how I formulated my own answer. If you would feel better if someone just stopped talking to you rather than being honest then you will feel better if you proceed that way. If you would prefer honesty, you will be more comfortable if you are open and honest. Best of luck no matter what you decide.

Thanks Elsa! I actually, personally, prefer to be honest and open with her, for a few reasons. Mainly, because I feel she needs to know. But also, I have boundary issues, and I want this to be over with. I feel that if I drag it on, by just fading out, she could one day be like "let's hang out," and depressed me, would say "ok!". On the other hand, I see her as a malicious and angry person. And I want to protect myself. I am going to think on it, and not do anything yet. Also, yes, ghosting hurts sometimes, but it's the persons doing the rejectings prerogative. But I really don't know what she would prefer. I'm not sure she deserves my caring over what she'd prefer.

It's not so much about her feeling as much as it's about following your heart and being your very best self. That means different things to different people and it's about finding out what it means for you. If she is malicious, proceed with caution no matter what you decide. I'm sorry you are faced with this decision.

[Sunflower123]

If fade slowly is something you don't feel comfortable doing then you should be honest with her. She sounds toxic to you. I would just prepare myself that the conversation may not go well. Good luck with that and best wishes.

I think I'm going to just do the slow fade. It seems safer for me, and honestly, no one wants to hear they are being dumped formally. I don't. She won't take it well. I *might* block her number, too. Not sure.

[Misssy2]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I am majorly depressed. But I cannot deal with one of my "friends" anymore. She is incredibly rude and hurtful towards me. Passive aggressive and cruel. The other day, we went to an out of town festival. 3 hrs in, I was depressed and wanted to go home. She drove though. I expressed to her I wanted to go home, but that we could stay longer if she wanted. She looked at me and said coldly "so we just do what YOU want to do?". So we stayed. At one point, in the car, she said "so how's Laura?". I am not friends with Laura anymore. And she knows that. I asked her why she brought it up, if she knew that, and she said "I don't know, it was a mistake, forgive me?". But she was really smiling a lot when she said it, and seemed gleeful. It was creepy. The last straw, is when she said "I wonder if my religious values play into the way I date.". I have told her about my dating difficulties and regrets. I asked her what she meant by that comment. And she said "you don't seem worried about the things I worry about in dating.". That hurt. I told her I regretted making out with said guy, and she just showed me a catalogue of clothes she was interested in. Completely ignored me. She has issues too. But I honestly don't care. I need to take care of myself.

I need advice on how to end this friendship. I don't want to be mean or cruel or hurtful. I'm not sure if I should be formal about it, and tell her I need a break. And tell her why. Or just block her number? Or ignore her messages. I don't know what's best to do. she gets mad easily and won't take it well I'm sure.

This is really tough....but I think for you to develop as a person...it will be hard to do in any fashion...How about an email?

I had a friend in my 40's write me an email as to why she couldn't be MY friend anymore! I was completely devastated....thought she was cowardly for not telling me in person...

but..why would she? I would have probably freaked the frig out. I appreciated she sent an email...I had time to read it...and respond to every detail of it.

so how about an email?

Welp, I told her. She texted me earlier this evening to get ice cream. I said I was busy. Then, I was like, she deserves to know. So I texted her that her comments last time we hung out were very hurtful to me, and that I'm depressed, and need to step back. I also said I need something different. Right after I sent it, I was like, oh ****, I sent it. It's scary. I hope I wasn't mean. I can't believe I even care. I really think she has problems. And she is the mean one.