[lovethesun]

I have a difficult situation developing. I have a daughter in middle school. A while back she had a falling out with another girl who lives a few doors down and is the same age. The falling out was several years in the making as this other girl comes from a family of bullies. Her parents are a joke. My daughter finally tired of all of it after several years and stood up for herself. They played victim and acted like we hurt their feelings. Reality was they didn't like that we stood up to them. So since then we avoid each other to avoid a Hatfield and McCoys situation. My daughter and this other girl have been the only middle school aged kids on the street until now. A new girl the same age as my daughter and this other girl has moved in. I see a competition developing over this new girl. The loudmouth, manipulator bully girl will seize the opportunity to capture the new girl as a buddy to hang out with on the street and try to isolate my daughter and keep her out. Just so happens the bully girl also has a big pool in her backyard which she uses as a manipulation tool to gain favor quickly from others and grab them as friends before my daughter has a chance. It creates an uncomfortable situation because the new girl of course has no idea of the background between my daughter and the bully girl. My daughter, of course, is not allowed to swim in the bully girl's pool. So it's the perfect tool to cause division. Just jump in the pool and keep my daughter out. So what should I do? My daughter will speak to the new girl and offer friendship, but the bully girl will pounce and use her evil devices to snag the new girl away and has the added advantage of the pool. Should I just advise my daughter to handle the situation with confidence, offer friendship and if the new girl is swept away by the bully girl, oh well let it go? Or is there a better idea?

[Bill3]

the bully girl will pounce and use her evil devices to snag the new girl away

I would like to suggest in the gentlest possible manner that you may be overreacting to the situation.

Should I just advise my daughter to handle the situation with confidence, offer friendship and if the new girl is swept away by the bully girl, oh well let it go?

This sounds like a very good idea. It will be good for your daughter to figure this out on her own.

[Sunflower123]

I agree. I'm sorry you and your daughter are in this situation. Best wishes.

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I would like to suggest in the gentlest possible manner that you may be overreacting to the situation.
This sounds like a very good idea. It will be good for your daughter to figure this out on her own.

Thanks Bill3. I got a little carried away with my description, but that tends to happen to me when I'm feeling emotional over a mean person.

[divine1966]

Unless there is evidence of actual abuse and bullying, it's ok to let your kid deal with it herself.

[Venefica]

Is there anything fun that you could afford to do as competition for the swimming pool? I realize that it's not necessarily financially feasible for everyone to have a pool. Plus, she's already got one. Can you think of some kind of cool activity or maybe a club to form that would attract friends? And the very best revenge would be in getting to be the bigger people by making the bully jealous, but then inviting her to join too!

Btw, I completely understand. Bullies make me furious.

[lovethesun]

Originally Posted by Venefica

Is there anything fun that you could afford to do as competition for the swimming pool? I realize that it's not necessarily financially feasible for everyone to have a pool. Plus, she's already got one. Can you think of some kind of cool activity or maybe a club to form that would attract friends? And the very best revenge would be in getting to be the bigger people by making the bully jealous, but then inviting her to join too!

Btw, I completely understand. Bullies make me furious.

Venefica......thanks so much for your replay and for your ideas. They are good ones. What I'm hoping for is that my daughter and this new girl will have something in common that the bully girl does not. Such as a favorite sport or club. I guess at this age it's really up to the girls themselves to handle this and work things out. If my daughter and the new girl are able to develop a friendship that will be great. Especially if it does not include the bully girl. But ultimately I'm starting to figure out that it's not up to me and there's nothing I can do. I can not force a friendship between my daughter and this new girl. Even if I did (say by doing her family favors or showing up at their door with welcome gifts), it's still up to the girls to develop and maintain a friendship, not me. I could be the most outgoing welcoming parent in the world and the girls may decide they don't quite mesh with each other. And then I risk embarrassing my daughter by looking desperate.

[Bill3]