[cherryberry]

I've been married a couple of times and the past relationships and marriages did not work out. So now my younger daughter hates any man I get with. To.make matters worse, I'm not getting along with my current SO. We stopped living together, but now I let him visit me where I'm at (I'm currently staying with my mother). My younger daughter won't smile at him or act normal. She's 19. My SO and I have come close to having a physical fight once, but it was equally my fault and we didn't touch each other. I'm in a bad way financially and need my SO's help despite our issues and I don't want a divorce. Why can't my daughter just be supportive and cooperative? A few days back, before the visit, I got tired of her attitude, and my older daughter acted like I was the one who was unfair. I feel alone.

[Sunflower123]

You are not alone. We are here to support you. Your relationship with your SO sounds unhealthy. Is counseling an option with you and your daughters and possibly your SO? Aside from that, you could tell her that you expect her to treat your SO with courtesy and respect. Best wishes.

[cherryberry]

Thanks. She doesn't listen if I ask her to be pleasant, though. She thinks he's just a jerk and my SO has remarked to me that he believes my daughter wants him to die. When I mentioned it to her, she didn't say anything.

[cherryberry]

I don't have the money for counseling.

[healingme4me]

Can't he just wire you some money until things blow over?

[cherryberry]

He is already here, visiting, and I'm trying to make things work.

[~Christina]

Based on you're many threads under the healthy parenting forum why does it matter if one of you're children doesn't like your SO?

Do your children... son and daughter I think you have mentioned both... live with you at your mothers ? Doesn't he also have a child ( the cupcake situation? )

I'm just very confused about all this

[Jellyfish18]

Since she had many previous experiences with your other partners, it is understandable that she is not open or receptive to him. It does not have the best effect on children and she probably sees him as a stranger. How long have you been together?
I think if you have an open conversation with her, tell her how this is affecting you, and ask her to just be polite for your sake, hopefully she'll be more understanding.

[eskielover]

To.make matters worse, I'm not getting along with my current SO. We stopped living together....... My younger daughter won't smile at him or act normal. She's 19. My SO and I have come close to having a physical fight once, but it was equally my fault and we didn't touch each other. I'm in a bad way financially and need my SO's help despite our issues and I don't want a divorce.

Sounds like your daughter may have a better real picture of him than you do. Though she is financially dependent on you (I assume) she doesn't see him as the provider like you do & doesn't see herself dependent on him like you are so that aspect isn't influencing any need to be nice to him. Sounds like she is just calling it like she sees. Be thankful you have a daughter who is honest with her feelings. Who knows she may have more behind her dislike than you even know.

I learned to trust my animals reaction to guys.....maybe you should trust your daughters feelings instead of criticizing them.

[divine1966]

Honestly my daughter would not be supportive of me being with wrong guys either. Your daughter dislikes them all because it's likely that you didn't and don't have good relationships with them. I don't know if they are jerks or something else is at play. Is that the same daughter whose account you use to file taxes? You are also mad at your boyfriends daughter over cupcake being sloppy. So confused. I hope you can get on your feet and find good therapist

[Crazy Hitch]

I think your first sentence summed up the entire situation as to why your daughter is acting this way:

"I've been married a couple of times and the past relationships and marriages did not work out."

She's seen to many bad relationships you've been in, and bad endings to want to have to tolerate this one.

Honestly?

I don't think she needs to be supportive at all of your relationship.

But she can keep her indifferences to herself quietly to keep the peace.

[Trippin2.0]

Your daughter is too smart to kiss his derriere.

[eskielover]

But she can keep her indifferences to herself quietly to keep the peace.

it's not healthy to keep indifferences to ones self just to keep peace either. It would be best for her to learn how to express herself in a more diplomatic mature way but then she is just learning at that young age.

[cherryberry]

Fine. I'll just break up and stay single. Thanks for nothing. So much for support. ��

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

Fine. I'll just break up and stay single. Thanks for nothing. So much for support. ��

There are plenty of other options rather than staying single.

You could start looking for better quality men.

Or you could date them for awhile, not marrying or moving in right away or following them to far away lands, get to know them first. I bet you have met a decent man and got to know him slowly then your kids would be fine.

Or you can stay single for awhile. Not because of your daughter, but because you might need time to get your life in order (get a job with health insurance and see a therapist) and figure out what kind of life and men will make you happy. Get hobbies and make friends. Give men a break.

Your relationship with this guy is pretty miserable so staying with him is pointless imho. You almost got into a physical fight. Very red flag

I think people offer you ton of support. What kind of support did you want? People aren't going to lie and tell you that this dude is awesome and your daughter is wrong. It would be a lie, not a support

[eskielover]

Single is not bad. After living in a bad marriage for 33 years before finally leaving, the freedom of being completely single for 10 years now has been a wonderful experience. It has given me a chance to know exactly whi I am, not who I am in relation to someone else. I like it so well I have no desire to ever get involved ever again. I like guys & have guy friends but friend is the limit. I don't date & have no desire to get emotionally involved. Life is so much better than it was.....no desire to mess it up again with marriage or a relationship of any sort other than just friend.

[mimsies]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

Fine. I'll just break up and stay single. Thanks for nothing. So much for support. ��

Support is not the same as telling you what you want to hear.

It is completely your choice to reject people's opinions and support. That doesn't make them unsupportive, it just means you don't like their message.

You have put your daughter through a LOT. Maybe it is time to quit expecting her to act like the parent.

[cherryberry]

I see so much judgement here without knowing the full story. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

[eskielover]

I've been married a couple of times and the past relationships and marriages did not work out.....
To make matters worse, I'm not getting along with my current SO. We stopped living together,.......
SO and I have come close to having a physical fight once, but it was equally my fault and we didn't touch each other.

no judgment other than words you have provided yourself for us to go from

I'm in a bad way financially and need my SO's help despite our issues and I don't want a divorce.

that is YOUR problem not hers.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

I see so much judgement here without knowing the full story. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

I don't see any judgement. We go by only what you share. If there is more to the story but you aren't sharing, then we can't be blamed. But honestly even if there is more to the story, what you described is bad enough. I think you and your children deserve better life. And you deserve much better partner.

Originally Posted by cherryberry

I see so much judgement here without knowing the full story. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

I think most people replying have your best interests at heart and the interests of your children as well. I don't have advise other than to find a way to be less financially dependent on your SO so you can view your situation a little more clearly. I wish you and your family nothing but the very best.

I'm getting tired of seeing the same thread/complaint from the same person worded in different ways. And the same dramatic reaction to people's advice.

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

I see so much judgement here without knowing the full story. Judge not, lest ye be judged.

I judge not. I merely state your daughter does not necessarily have to support your relationship, but she doesn't need to be outright disrespectful either.

[Erebos]

To the OP, as a single parent of 4, 2 girls and 2 boys I would like to point out that the mental welfare of your children should be at the forefront of your mind.
The last 2 years with my baby father was hell, it was abusive, both physically and emotionally, financially as well now I think about it.
After he left there was no danger I wAs bringing another man into their lives until I was fit to protect them.
I had a very happy 7 years just me and my kids.
When I finally met a guy my girls were grown and trusted and respected my choices.
Even though my fella has a criminal record, my daughter's trust me implicitly that I will put their needs and their brothers needs before my relationship.

I grew up in an abusive home, and my mum did what your doing when she finally got free of my narc father, she bounced from one A.hole to another, and as a daughter, watching my mother degrade and disrespect herself over some jerk who probably wouldn't remember
Her name in a years time, was humiliating depressing and disgusting. (This is what ' I' felt, ) I lost any respect I had for her, because she wasn't respecting herself or us.

I don't know about you but if my daughter was bouncing in and out of bad abusive relationships I would be heartbroken, and I wouldn't be greeting her boyfriend with open arms either.
So how do you expect her to like someone who is hurting the most important person in her life?

It's seriously important that she learns to protect herself if you aren't capable of doing it, for whatever reason.

It may be hard not to take this as criticism but I can only go by what I saw in your opening post.
It's very concerning that you would teach your daughter that being a woman is worthless unless your with a man, no matter how badly he treats you. That may not be your intention, but that is how your actions would impact on a young girl.
Thankfully your daughter is of strong enough mind to have decided that she won't pander to someone who hurts and is a risk to someone she cares about.
I really feel this is something you should be proud of, rather disappointed in.
I hope one day your able to see your own worth and the worth of your family is greater than the need for a man in your life.
All the best.

[Molinit]

Originally Posted by cherryberry

Fine. I'll just break up and stay single. Thanks for nothing. So much for support. ��

Lord. Really? How old are you? Take your man-picker to the repair shop (therapist) and when it's fixed, try picking another.