I had an outburst the other night and called out my boyfriend's family members. I have no regrets - it was the right thing to do. There will be ramifications however of which I feel rather awkward. My boyfriend stood up for me (how wonderful) and the result may be hostility between him and his family.

The story is they are heavy drinkers. One brother is awful. Amongst all the negatives I could use to describe him he is first and foremost a cruel bully - and the rest of the family seems to feed off of his actions mostly finding humour in them which only eggs him on further.

The target of his relentless torture was a young man (25+) who has some obvious problems. Perhaps he is Aspergers or mildly autistic; regardless, he stands out as being different. And it was these differences upon which my boyfriend's brother pounced and launched a relentless attack. For 20 minutes this poor boy was tortured by the bullying and jeers of the some 15 people around the camp fire.

I couldn't stand it any more so took action. I jumped up and told them all off. Their behaviour was inexcusable. I may have even used the word disgusting, etc, etc.

I stormed off to our own campsite. As I left I heard my boyfriend having his own words with his siblings and family. By the tone of it he seemed to be backing me up.

The rest of the night and following day were as you can imagine tense and awkward.

I expect I am now persona non grata. What does the future hold for the relationships between my boyfriend and his family? I have put him in a very difficult position indeed.

Still I have no regrets. In fact I am proud of myself for having had the courage to have spoken up.

Have you had to stand up against friends/family to do what's right? Has your significant other been placed in a position on your account of having to choose between you and family? Is there awkwardness between you and them?

[Sunflower123]

Good for you for standing up to that bully. My former husband of 20 years had to stand up to my sister-in-law because she was horrid to me. After several years we came to an understanding but it was awkward for a while.

[MrUnHappy]

Good for you! You did the right thing and should not feel any regrets in the least for doing so.

Sounds an extremely awkward and awful situation, and this family sound difficult, good for him defending you.

[divine1966]

Good for you speaking up. It's unacceptable what they did. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? How does he feel?

Originally Posted by divine1966

Good for you speaking up. It's unacceptable what they did. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? How does he feel?

There is a family event coming up. No doubt, this is going to be difficult for him but he is determined to go.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm glad you decided to speak up although I understand things may be pretty awkward right now.

[connect.the.stars]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Have you had to stand up against friends/family to do what's right? Has your significant other been placed in a position on your account of having to choose between you and family? Is there awkwardness between you and them?

Yes, I've had to choose between my SO and family. It's not easy and I ended up hurting both sides in the process because I chose my SO over my parents, but didn't blatantly lay it out for my parents to understand. I unintentionally made my SO feel like he wasn't worth fighting for when I couldn't overcome my fear of fighting my parents. This is tricky because I'm someone who prefers avoiding conflict.

So be sure to ask yourself:
1) Do you place more value in the end result?
...OR...
2) Do you place more value in how the conflict is resolved?

Then be sure to communicate your preference to him so that he has a better idea of how to approach the situation in a way that he can manage while also meeting your needs.

In any case, I'm glad your SO stuck up for you initially. It sounds like you're worried if he will continuing to stick up for you or not. If you think things are getting worse or feel like tensions are rising between you two, I think it's also good to consider the following:

Which is more important to you?
1) Your relationship with your SO's family
...OR...
2) Your relationship with your SO

Which is more important to your SO?
1) His relationship with his family
...OR...
2) His relationship with you

You can ask yourself, or ask him directly. Maybe even have a chat with him about it. There's no right or wrong answer to these questions. But just note that if the answers you both give don't line up...that's most likely an indication of where the problems are stemming from. Understanding where each side is coming from, hearing what he worries about versus what you worry about can help tremendously with the awkwardness.

Unfortunately until you can clear the air between you two or between his relatives, there will be a LOT of awkwardness... I hope my suggestions help and I hope you can get through this.

[Erebos]

What happens next depends.
In our family things often blew up, but as drink was involved it was often brushed off as the drink talking.

Good for you by the way, for sticking up for someone who needed your help.

It's possible they will be the type of family to decide your just hysterical and hypersensitive.
Which in some ways is worse than them taking you seriously.

Or they might say your barred from family stuff. Whilst they work on creating a rift between you and your bf.

Thing is these things rarely get better and often become worse once children are involved.
Like you not wanting to leave your kids with drinkers, and the grandma wanting access to her kids.

Stuff like this is horrible to deal with, and you may want to consider just how much involvement you really want with these people.

Does your bf recognise the problems, or does he kind of let them slide cos there family,?

I'm glad you stood up and glad you don't feel bad about it. Doing the right thing can be hard but it's still important to do it. My husband and youngest son have aspergers and I'd hope someone like you were around if they were being attacked. How disgusting indeed. Yes, I've stood up for people many times and gotten flack for it. In my interpersonal relationships (friends and family) sometimes the people saw the error of their ways and grew from it, sometimes they doubled down on dumb. Relationships have ended and it's all been for the best. If they are good people they will see you were right and forgive. Even if they don't see you are right, they will forgive and forget if they are at all decent people. If not, your boyfriend and you are better off without such ugly people in your life and your boyfriend would be better served by sticking with winners like you than losers like them. On behalf of humanity I solute you for doing the right thing!

I really thank you for your responses. Good food for thought too (thx Connect.the.Stars).

I'm proud of you too JustAFriend. I've not really been in the situation you've been in. But I think what you did is pretty valiant and commendable.

[Misssy2]

I commend you as well...we show people how to treat us.
I know you stuck up for the boy...but it shows your character and your unwillingness to tolerate "abuse".

Yes, my b/f brother is a bully...sounds very similar to your situation. My boyfriends brother is the "boss" of that family..and he demeaned me one day..and I said... I need you to remember I am not your brother or your mother..you can't talk to me like that.

He didn't know what to say..but now every family event..he and I tit for tat...with him always being the one to start it.

Hes even been so awful to say "you are a little bit of a crazy *****"...get your medication adjusted..which made me want to punch him in the face..and his brother wasn't there...he sent it to me in a text.

I did tell my b/f...but he didn't say anything about it...it pissed me off...but I understand why he didn't..

Just let it go...take the higher road..you said your peace....now go into the family situations without grudge and hopefully he doesn't have one either (adults).