[rdgrad15]

It is very rare, but I've had cases where someone will ask if I need help with something and I'll politely decline since I really don't need help but would let them know if I did, and they get mad. I know in one case, I was getting rid of the last bit of popcorn left after a event a few years back since no one wanted any of it. It was in a small light container, anyone could easily pick it up and empty the contents of it out without help unless it was super heavy. Well in my case, it was super light, barely anything in it, and a couple of other people asked if I needed help. I politely declined their help and thanked them and someone else decided to get very mad at me, saying that I rejected other people's help and that it was very rude of me.

Of course, the two people who were about to leave helped out of obligation by that point since they felt awkward and I just stood there and watched and was also shocked since I didn't understand why someone would get mad at me just because I don't need someone else's assistance. She mentioned later that I need to start accepting help from others and that girls can do what guys do. Even though they were both females, it had nothing to do with their gender that I rejected their help from. I hang out with mostly females and has asked plenty of them for help with things in the past. So in that one scenario, I just simply didn't need help but I did appreciate them asking.

I came really close to saying something back to the person who got mad at me but decided it wouldn't be worth the risk, although I probably should have said something so she wouldn't get the wrong idea. There has been plenty of other cases. If I was working on something and someone kept on bugging me to let them help me, it would get annoying since I didn't need there help and got confused as why they couldn't take no as an answer. If I don't need someone's help, then I don't need it. I don't think I'm better than others or anything, I just simply don't need any assistance at times. It is nothing personal and wish some people wouldn't take it personally.

In cases like this, it is the reason I don't ask if other people need help since I don't want to annoy them. If they ask for help or if it is super obvious that someone is in need of assistance, then I will offer to help them. At times they will say yes but at times they say no and I let it be. I find it rude to constantly bug someone and try to force them to let you help them if they don't need it. Same way with needing help myself. I feel like people who get offended and try to let me accept their assistance when it is obvious I don't need it is too much. It makes me not want to ask for their help if I ever needed it in the future. If I ask for help or it is super obvious that i need help then I would be glad to have someone assist me, but otherwise when I am doing fine on my own, I just wish people would accept that I don't need their assistance and that they should not be offended.

[Sunflower123]

I can understand that. I usually only offer to help when it's blatantly obvious they need it. I'm always happy to help though.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I can understand that. I usually only offer to help when it's blatantly obvious they need it. I'm always happy to help though.

Same here. I'm always willing to help too, I just don't want to make other people mad since I know how it feels to have someone force you to let them help you. Even in an academic setting, like when I was in high school, it happened. I would be working and someone, usually a room para, would constantly bug me and kept trying to help me even though I didn't need it and was doing just fine. And now that I'm a para, I am very careful not to do that to the students I work with. I still do my job, I help out as expected and make myself available, but I don't force the students to allow me to help them if they don't want it or need it.

I can't speak for everyone who is like this, however, I can speak from experience and let you know a possible cause.

Perhaps, the people want to feel useful to you. They possibly have some kind of deep seeded issue or insecurity of some type that makes it to where they feel the need to be useful or go out of their way to help you. Perhaps they think that if they don't help you, you will abandon them.

I know because I'm like this to some extent. While I don't get angry with people for not letting me help them with something, if I'm around friends or people that I like, I tend to go out of my way to help them with whatever that I feel I need to because I want to be useful to people so they have no reason to betray me later down the road. I work to try to be the most ideal perfect person to people that I care about because I feel that if I let any of my weaknesses or flaws through the cracks and others see that I'm not strong, smart, or good enough, that they will not want to hang out with me or stop caring about me.

Perhaps their reasons are similar to mine?