Realizing new things in my relationship

So last night was the first time that I think I realized that my husband doesn't comfort me and that is what bothers me the most recently I guess. I've been having a lot of issues this year with feeling alone and feeling like my needs aren't being met. I don't have friends anymore due to change in location and not knowing people here. So last night there was a conflict between us and I finally decided to just tell him that I just wanted him to at least try to make me feel better and he didn't. I even kept trying to explain why I was hurt, all he could do was b**ch about me being upset and crying and saying that I'm crazy. Then it dawned on me that my husband has never tried to comfort me ever during a time when I'm depressed or upset. Usually if I'm upset he gets upset and then it starts a argument, in which I'm left feeling worthless and useless and a whole list of other feelings that's too long to list now. I try to explain to him at times why I'm feeling whatever way I'm feeling but he never seems to get it or understand. I also know that my husband isn't very deep emotionally. Sometimes I don't feel like I know him that well. He doesn't really let anyone in on how he feels emotional. He comes off sometimes as not caring, his cousin said that to him recently. I don't think my husband is capable of comforting me or helping me feel better when I need it. So I will never get from him what I need and I don't know how to feel about that or how to deal with it. I have so many other issues going on with myself and it's so hard to deal with one at a time when they all overlap.

I'm sorry you're not in such a good place

I think some people are inherently more caring / nurturing when people are in need, and they have almost a built in instinct to care and protect.

I personally have a need to feel nurtured, or at least comforted when I'm upset by my partner. Not in a bad way I don't think. Just in a way when I'm having a crappy day it's nice to speak to him about it. So when you don't have that connection, that's a really difficult thing.

I was wondering what your communication is like with your husband in general. Not just when times are tough. Does he listen, as in really listen, when you speak to him?

I'm sorry you came to that realization. Is that something you can live with? Sending big hugs.

I guess we have pretty decent conversation about things such as music, politics, things going on in social media or with family. I do know that if I try talking about something I'm deeply into or something I want to do, I seem to come off to him as being obsessive. That's what he says that I'm just going through another obsession. I usually don't or can't talk to him on an emotional level about my inner feelings because there's no point, he doesn't or can't understand and doesn't offer the comfort I need. I guess that is why I post here a lot.

It's not something I'm happy with because I need that. I think that's why ive been so lonely even though we are together. Ill just have to find some way to deal with it I guess. I had a crush on someone outside my marriage but I'm just friends with this person now, he gives some of that comfort that I'm missing. I've distanced my self from this person quite a bit though because my husband isn't into the idea of being open in our relationship and I respect that. I made a life commitment to him because I love him and I don't want to do anything to break that.

It sounds like ur husband is not used to opening up on an emotional level therefore he will not be able to accept someone else trying to do the same with him. I sounds like this is pretty alien to him. I'm wondering what he is like with his family and what his family/parents are like with him. If this is the norm for him then it will be very difficult to get what u need from him. Have u tried to sit down with him without shouting and just talk to him and explain what u need. I really hope this gets better for u. I really feel for u.