[foirxvxl]

Hi, so I'm a 16 year old teen who has a lot of questions inside her head. There's a guy in my class who has been friends with me for the last 2.5 years since I moved to a new school. I've always been awkward with new people especially guys so I actually feel quite comfortable around him since he was the first guy in class that I get along with just fine. He is nice, easy-going and kinda talkative so sometimes I do think that hey, he isn't so bad but I've never really thought about him in a romantic way. Recently it seems like he is interested in me, he started to text me often by asking stuffs like how my day is going and being very caring towards me. I don't hate him but oddly, I feel uncomfortable and I don't know why. At school he acts like the usual but he is being a lot more caring and touchy than he used to be. So I started to avoid him by ignoring him when he talks about something unnecessary but I feel guilty. I replied his texts with short replies and after a few days he stopped. So I thought he is giving up and I talk to him normally like I always did but then he starts to text me again. I know he is nice, but the fact that he probably likes me is kinda scary. I don't know if I'm afraid of affection. I am not a kind of person who receives any form of affection well, even if they are from family or close friends. I'd rather love than to be loved. This happened to some other guys who showed interest to me too and until now I still don't understand why I feel this way. I thought maybe it was also because I was kinda 'traumatized' by a heartbreak years ago, but I've completely moved on and I don't really care about it anymore. Does anyone feel the same way?

[Bill3]

Does anyone feel the same way?

Yes.

For many years I felt uncomfortable when people started to get friendly or affectionate. I think that your feelings go back to your relationship with your mother, just as mine did. As you explained in your other thread, your mother has at times been exceedingly hurtful to you, most especially when she said that she wished she gave you away. I'm so sorry that she seems to feel that way about you. And I am so sorry as well about the other things she has said that make you sense a disinterest in you and cause you a great deal of pain.



From your mother I believe that you have learned that when people are close to you, pain ensues. Close relationships mean pain. That what I learned from my mother as well. As a result, one naturally might shy away from close relationships! And perhaps worry, and get a feeling of dread, when someone starts to get affectionate.

Might you have an opportunity to discuss such attachment issues with a therapist?

[Sunflower123]

Excellent response. Sending big hugs.

[1978dd]

This is an issue that you should discuss at length with a female therapist. You owe it to yourself to work through your feelings!