[Artchic528]

I don't know what to write here. My life is unraveling fast. I wouldn't say my life has always been easy, but it's never been too hard either. Then a series of unfortunate events are unraveling what security I have left.

My dad lost his job back in the Spring, he was laid off of the place where he worked when they decided to downsize and do what he called "cost prevention". He then spent a few months working on getting a certification in Project Management. A PMP I think it was called. However, as he was working on that, he got an opportunity to get a job as a contractor for a company that was being hired for a company that needed contract work. Basically, he works for a guy who works for a guy who works for the boss he had before he left the job prior to the one where he was laid off from. So, he's working with programs he installed back in the late 90's early 2000's.

Then, before he could even start his new job as a contractor, he learned that Mom had misfiled his vehicle insurance, made a few mistakes and never fixed it. As a result, he couldn't drive his vehicle for a few weeks. Thank goodness we had that 20 year old jeep sitting in the garage for hauling garden and housework stuff. He used that in the meantime and eventually, Mom got his vehicle insured and he was able to resume using it.

I thought, surely, the worst is behind us, but its far from over...

A few weeks ago, I noticed my mom was sleeping in the guest room for a few nights in a row. She even moved a few things in there like she wasn't planning on sleeping in her and my dad's bed for the time being. I asked her if there was something wrong with their bed, she said no. I wanted so badly to ask if she and dad were okay, but didn't want to pry or be nosy. That sort of stuff is kind of private.

Flash forward to last weekend, and my dad had started a fire out in the fire pit. I sat outside with him, Mom came out and joined us, and we all sat around the fire and talked a bit. Then I left after a while. I wanted them to sort of have more private time to talk. I knew something was up but again, I didn't want to pry and ask questions.

Then, just earlier today, my dad comes home and says he's been having a hard time sleeping lately. That mom and he are having a really hard time lately. Mom has been away on a trip two weeks ago, and now this past week she has been away house sitting.

I'm legitimately scared. My life is crumbling. I don't know what to do. I'm crying on and off, I don't want to think about what could happen, but my mind is going through the million "what ifs" that one tends to go through in situations like this.

I've had nightmares sometimes where my parents split up, divorce even, but I've always been able to wake up from that madness. I can't wake up from this.

[Artchic528]

I can't sleep. My nose is all stuffed up from crying, and sleep won't come anyways. My mind can't shut down..

If something were to happen between my H and I (a divorce)--its effect on our children is my number one concern. Even in divorce, I would never abandon them. Hopefully, whatever happens, your parents feel this way. However, your priority in life should be figuring out how to take care of yourself. Usually (and hopefully), our kids live longer than we do.

Perhaps your parents really need this (trial?) separation. Sometimes changes and making a plan is better than letting things remain the same. You will get through this too. I am sorry you don't know more. Perhaps not knowing is hard but being in the middle of your parent's fight (if they are fighting ) would be hard too! Changes like this are not easy. It is hard for you because what happens will effect you but it is not your choice to make. Hang in there. Eventually, crying sometimes wears us out enough to help us sleep. I find prayer helps me when I am crying. Or meditation can be calming.
A Guided Meditation
Or a long walk.
Or posting.

[divine1966]

I am sorry it's happening. Hopefully it's just a glitch and they will be ok again. Divorce or even separation is hard on everyone involved. So I hope it's not serious and they can work on stuff.

Saying that, I am sure you'll be able to manage. My daughter is well adjusted productive member of society and she was raised by divorced parents since she was 4, she is 30. As an adult I am sure you'd manage if their marriage is troubled. I'd focus on ensuring your own life is in the right place as you can't control theirs

But I do hope they can rebuild it (maybe marriage therapy?)

Hang in there!

[Erebos]

I am sorry Art, I know it feels like the end of the world. My parents w a 'stay together for the sake of the kid's ' couple and it was horrible.

But this is different.
Marriage was created so fathers could ensure their daughters were looked after. In a time when the average life expectancy was about 35.
The thing is humans never stop growing, changing,needing,wanting. What you want at 17 isn't what you want at 25, then again that may change again when your in your late 30's early 40's.

Your folks are good people. I think you should probably talk to them. Quite often the things we make up in our head is far worse than the reality of it.
Your folks sound, determined. So whatever is done they won't have made the decision lightly.

It could well be that your dad is just very stressed and not sleeping well. So your mum is making her own space.
Or perhaps it's something else. As scary as it feels now, I can promise you, two happy parents apart, are a thousand times better than two miserable people together.

I'll be thinking of you, take care, be strong and have faith.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. You've gotten some good responses and I agree. Just wanted to lend my support and send you a big hug.

[Artchic528]

I can't cope with this alone, so I might look into seeing a T about it. I don't know how I will get there and back without my mom helping me. I just know I need one.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I can't cope with this alone, so I might look into seeing a T about it. I don't know how I will get there and back without my mom helping me. I just know I need one.

Good idea. Ask your brother or take uber. T is a very good idea

[Artchic528]

I have some money I've been holding on to. I guess I can use it for this. Good enough time as any.

[Fuzzybear]

Hugs aren't always useful I know

But I can relate to the no, no, no

Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Artchic528]

Looked up a promising T on Psychology Today's web search feature. Sent of an email with a very brief summary of what I need and want, and am waiting to hear back. Haven't told Mom or Dad about doing this yet.

The worst part is, there isn't any fighting. No yelling. Just a unsettling quiet.

[Trippin2.0]

Don't you think you should have a conversation with your parents before speaking to a T?

What if you're assuming the worst and its not going to happen?

I know I would want to confirm my fears before spending money on it.

[Artchic528]

Part of me just wants to ignore it, like it's not there. The proverbial elephant in the room. But it's there. Mom sleeps in the guest room, Dad on the couch. Neither use their bed anymore. It's not my assumptions. It's real. I need the T to figure out how to deal with it. What's happening now.

Sorry if I'm not making any sense. I took 3 tablets of my Melatonin and it's starting to take effect. I'm off to some weird semblance of sleep now.

[Trippin2.0]

I'd argue you need to know what "It" is before you can effectively learn to deal with it.

But its your call.

[reb569]

It's possible that one (or both) of your parents are experiencing depression or possibly struggles with work that are impacting their home life. Maybe one having insomnia is causing the other not to be able to sleep. Over tired people don't always communicate well.

I echo the others here that are recommending that you talk to them. Maybe they don't realize that you are noticing anything and you asking them about it will make them realize that they need to communicate better with you.

There are many, very happy couples that keep separate bedrooms for many different reasons. A prime one being sleep schedules.

[divine1966]

They maybe had a fight (don't have to be loud) and now taking time off. Or maybe they have issues but don't intent to divorce.

My parents maintained separate bedrooms since me and my brother moved out which was 30 years ago. They just like it. One set of grandparents had separate bedrooms as well. So that means nothing.

Saying all that therapy for you is still a great idea.

You should talk to one (or both) of your parents about this (individually). It might help both you and them. Our imaginations can be worse than reality. Unfortunatedly, married people fight sometimes....

[Artchic528]

I want to but history tells me they'd just say it's none of my concern or that everything is fine.

[winter loneliness]

Can you try to emotionally disconnect a bit? You are 30? I am not saying don't care, just distance yourself a bit.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

Can you try to emotionally disconnect a bit? You are 30? I am not saying don't care, just distance yourself a bit.

I'm trying to do just that, but it's hard considering I'm an Empath. I can feel the emotions in the air around me. Also having a hard time being able to deal with and process emotions (aka emotional regulation disorder) doesn't help either.

[winter loneliness]

You should post on the borderline board, also. This seems like an abandonment issue. They might offer better advice.

[Erebos]

I don't think your parents are going to believe your stupid enough to believe there is nothing wrong if they are sleeping in separate rooms.

I would call them out on it.
You have to live there too.

Quick point, I couldn't sleep in the marital bed when my partner wasn't there. So if I was ill and he slept in the spare room I would sleep on the sofa.

I Sure I am not the only one with these quirks.
Please talk to them Art, th nightmare we create in our head is,always worse than the facts faced in the bright light of day.

You need facts, you can't build a coping mechanism on foundations of sand, which is what this would be, a constantly shifting situation of your making.
And to be honest, your old enough to be included in the conversations they are having.

[Shazerac]

Well you may be empath, but i seriously doubt you're a mind reader. Before you run screaming to a therapist, you may want to find out what you need therapy for. You are a 30 year old woman. The possible break up of your parents may be unpleasant, but it's not the end of the world. You may be subconsciously infantilizing yourself. You are not a helpless child at the mercy of your parents.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Erebos

I don't think your parents are going to believe your stupid enough to believe there is nothing wrong if they are sleeping in separate rooms.

I would call them out on it.
You have to live there too.

Quick point, I couldn't sleep in the marital bed when my partner wasn't there. So if I was ill and he slept in the spare room I would sleep on the sofa.

I Sure I am not the only one with these quirks.
Please talk to them Art, th nightmare we create in our head is,always worse than the facts faced in the bright light of day.

You need facts, you can't build a coping mechanism on foundations of sand, which is what this would be, a constantly shifting situation of your making.
And to be honest, your old enough to be included in the conversations they are having.

.

I completely disagree with "calling her parents out on it". I don't believe it's appropriate for 30 something year old woman to question her parents' sleeping arrangements. It's private decision. And why does she need to be included in a conversation that her parents might be having re their marriage. If my parents had discussion about marital issues at no point I ever feel I need to be included on that discussion. What for? I wonder if people assume art is a minor or something that they want her to pry on her parents' private matters. I completely disagree.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Erebos

I don't think your parents are going to believe your stupid enough to believe there is nothing wrong if they are sleeping in separate rooms.

I would call them out on it.
You have to live there too.

Quick point, I couldn't sleep in the marital bed when my partner wasn't there. So if I was ill and he slept in the spare room I would sleep on the sofa.

I Sure I am not the only one with these quirks.
Please talk to them Art, th nightmare we create in our head is,always worse than the facts faced in the bright light of day.

You need facts, you can't build a coping mechanism on foundations of sand, which is what this would be, a constantly shifting situation of your making.
And to be honest, your old enough to be included in the conversations they are having.

Excuse me but i strongly disagree about "calling them on it". No adult has the right to demand that their parents explain the intricacies of their marriage. She could ask them, but demand NO.

As far as well "you have to live there too" WTF? Artchic is a 30 year woman. Her parents are kind enough to allow her to live in their home. This is not some kind of entitlement.

If therapy is required well then get therapy. But I think respect for the parent's privacy is in order too.