There are a couple people I have been on Skype with for maybe nearly a year... or perhaps less. It doesn't matter. I want to end my friendship with them, and I do not know how to politely exit. They are strictly online friends that I met through another forum, we've never met in person, and the friendships lately don't feel that real to me, or even reciprocal. I'm not getting much out of these relationships anymore. So how do I do this without hurting feelings and while being polite still? I have no clue.

[Shazerac]

I don't know that you need to formally end that kind of relationship. Maybe just short of fade away. Remove them from your contact list.

Someone on that forum did that to me and it hurt like hell. He just suddenly removed me, and I noticed it one day, yet I had no idea what I did wrong. I don't want to do the same to these two women... that's the problem. So do I just stop replying as often, or slow down and then eventually stop replying? Like letting someone down easy?

[Shazerac]

That's kind of what I meant.

Hmmmmm.... OK... & thanks. =) Maybe that's the right approach. I just really don't want to hurt them.

[scorpiosis37]

You could also be more direct about it. You could say that your life has become more busy, and as much you like them, you just don't have enough time to spend on Skype with them. You need to focus on your responsibilities in RL.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

You could also be more direct about it. You could say that your life has become more busy, and as much you like them, you just don't have enough time to spend on Skype with them. You need to focus on your responsibilities in RL.

That's a great idea, too. I like that approach equally. Guess I'll try one or the other -- thanks!!

[Shazerac]

Probably the best approach is to listen to your Conscience. what approach feels the most comfortable. You have ever right to terminate a relationship, in a respectful and kind way. You don't need an excuse. Sorry if I came across as flippant earlier.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Probably the best approach is to listen to your Conscience. what approach feels the most comfortable. You have ever right to terminate a relationship, in a respectful and kind way. You don't need an excuse. Sorry if I came across as flippant earlier.

No worries, it's fine. That's great advice too. I will follow it, thank you!

[Sunflower123]

Since you don't want to hurt them, it might be a good idea to gently fade away. I was put on the ignore list of someone for trying to encourage and support them. You're right. It stings. I hope you resolve this in a way that brings you peace. Sending big hugs.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Since you don't want to hurt them, it might be a good idea to gently fade away. I was put on the ignore list of someone for trying to encourage and support them. You're right. It stings. I hope you resolve this in a way that brings you peace. Sending big hugs.

thanks, Jennifer! I will take this into consideration. I definitely don't want to hurt their feelings... I do need to feel at peace.

[BrokeTech]

I honestly don't know why people think there's a good, easy, gentle or what-have-you way to ditch or reject people. There's just not, if they care.

If the friendships feel less reciprocal because of something they're doing/not doing, then...honestly, I would not worry this much about it because, to me, it's showing me they don't really care that much. That's not always true, sometimes the person just lacks awareness, but...if I want to end it for some reason that is related to their behavior, then whatever I want to do that works best for me is fair game. There's no point in my working hard to be considerate when they're not giving me what I want/need in a friendship, i.e. they lack some level of consideration towards me.

In any case of events, because I feel/recognize that there's no good way to ditch someone, if it's something like Skype I just stop logging on or don't really respond to their messages on that platform and don't initiate contact. For me to remove someone or block someone, they have to do something pretty bad. I'm also very much a "treat others the way you're treated" kind of person, and it seems like it's just very normal for people to stop responding and ignore people they don't want to communicate with. Even if it has bothered me in the past, I'm not like, "Oh, because this hurt me, I don't want to do it to others." I go by social cues of what seems to be acceptable or the norm, or my own twisted sense of fairness/leveling the playing field (i.e. if I have to experience something bad, I'm going to make others experience it). That's just me, though.

Also, remember that people have their "preferences," so to speak, when it comes to how you reject them, and it differs and there's no way for you to know what someone's preference is without their telling you. So, again, all this thought you're putting into this is kind of pointless just because you have no idea how to hurt these friends the least based on their individual rejection preferences. Personally, I hate all rejection to the point of not doing things that could lead to it, unless I 100% have to (like applying for jobs). Others are fine, as long as you're direct with them. And some others may prefer attempts at being gentle. [shrugs]

Originally Posted by BrokeTech

I honestly don't know why people think there's a good, easy, gentle or what-have-you way to ditch or reject people. There's just not, if they care.

If the friendships feel less reciprocal because of something they're doing/not doing, then...honestly, I would not worry this much about it because, to me, it's showing me they don't really care that much. That's not always true, sometimes the person just lacks awareness, but...if I want to end it for some reason that is related to their behavior, then whatever I want to do that works best for me is fair game. There's no point in my working hard to be considerate when they're not giving me what I want/need in a friendship, i.e. they lack some level of consideration towards me.

In any case of events, because I feel/recognize that there's no good way to ditch someone, if it's something like Skype I just stop logging on or don't really respond to their messages on that platform and don't initiate contact. For me to remove someone or block someone, they have to do something pretty bad. I'm also very much a "treat others the way you're treated" kind of person, and it seems like it's just very normal for people to stop responding and ignore people they don't want to communicate with. Even if it has bothered me in the past, I'm not like, "Oh, because this hurt me, I don't want to do it to others." I go by social cues of what seems to be acceptable or the norm, or my own twisted sense of fairness/leveling the playing field (i.e. if I have to experience something bad, I'm going to make others experience it). That's just me, though.

Also, remember that people have their "preferences," so to speak, when it comes to how you reject them, and it differs and there's no way for you to know what someone's preference is without their telling you. So, again, all this thought you're putting into this is kind of pointless just because you have no idea how to hurt these friends the least based on their individual rejection preferences. Personally, I hate all rejection to the point of not doing things that could lead to it, unless I 100% have to (like applying for jobs). Others are fine, as long as you're direct with them. And some others may prefer attempts at being gentle. [shrugs]

Thanks. You have a point, or several. I am just overly sensitive to others' feelings, probably to my own detriment. Plus, at least with one of these women, she stood up for me when others tried to bash me, so I feel a sense of loyalty to her, even though that was a year ago now. She's really the one I want to ditch, that I am not getting anything from otherwise.

Also, I have to be logged onto Skype for work. I work from home online and have to be on, so they always know when I am on.

My therapist thought weaning off would be a good way to do it... I just know she'll hate me for it and perhaps bash me for it, but she hates on everyone.

I am STILL having trouble with this issue -- ARGH! She skyped me again this morning about something stupid and went on about herself as usual, not asking about me at all. I am tired of this, but I cannot stop myself from replying to her and being "nice".

I've decided I have a real problem with being far too nice, to the point of harming myself. Why can't I just back out of this and be done with this friendship as I want to be?

[divine1966]

I only Skype with my daughter. But we face time more often. All because she lives too far and just talking isn't sufficient. I want to see her. And new things in her house if her new hair cut etc but that's my daughter! I dont want to look at some random folks on a my computer or phone screen!

No one else knows my skype screen name. Are these people strangers such as you don't know them in real life? Is there a reason you have to Skype with them? Why do they have to see you when they talk to you? See your room? Hmm. Change your Skype screen name and they'll never contact you again.

I am actually surprised people Skype with strangers. I thought people only do it with family or loved ones who live too far to see them often.

[divine1966]

I checked your first post on
here and heck you don't know them in real life. Girl, stop skyping with them. Block them or change your Skype account and they'll never be able to confront you. They aren't family or friends who could knock on your door and ask why you block them.

There's an easy way and a hard way... easy, you can just block them... hard way, explain why you're backing out.

[RainyDay107]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I am STILL having trouble with this issue -- ARGH! I've decided I have a real problem with being far too nice, to the point of harming myself. Why can't I just back out of this and be done with this friendship as I want to be?

Hi, eve. I can relate as I don't want to hurt anyone, either. I think you're a nice person and need to put yourself first.

If you were in the other person's shoes -- how would you want them to tell you that you no longer wanted to keep in touch?

Also, for people that are not as sensitive as you and me -- I've come to realize that a lot of people aren't as affected as much by these things. They may think "oh well, eve is nice and I enjoyed our chats, but I have other friends."

Originally Posted by divine1966

I checked your first post on
here and heck you don't know them in real life. Girl, stop skyping with them. Block them or change your Skype account and they'll never be able to confront you. They aren't family or friends who could knock on your door and ask why you block them.

thanks. I'm not video skyping just text skyping. I cannot change my account since I have to use this account for my job. Either I drop her as a friend, or I just stop responding.

Originally Posted by glamslam

Hi, eve. I can relate as I don't want to hurt anyone, either. I think you're a nice person and need to put yourself first.

If you were in the other person's shoes -- how would you want them to tell you that you no longer wanted to keep in touch?

Also, for people that are sensitive like you and me -- I've come to realize that a lot of people aren't as affected as much by these things. They may think "oh well, eve is nice and I enjoyed our chats, but I have other friends."

Thanks. I don't think there's any real nice way to say you don't want to be in touch anymore. If I were in their shoes, I supposed I would prefer if the person stopped responding rather than tell me directly.

And you're right -- perhaps I am putting WAY too much thought into this. I am very sensitive to other people's feelings.

You sound a very caring person, I think it's sweet that you care so much not to hurt these people.

I have had slow fade done to me a few times and personally I think it's kindest, I didn't really mind and guessed what was happening. I also think when it's an online friend it's not as affecting as a real life friend, I mean online communication does tend to be more transient in nature in my experience.

Cutting off suddenly and abruptly I am less keen on, that can leave the person with thoughts they might have done or said something wrong rather than something just coming to a gradual phased out end.

Telling someone you don't have time anymore can be okay too (I have had that said to me too), again it's similar to slow fade out.

If you were my online friend I think I'd be touched that you thought enough of me to take the time to give consideration, and I'd understand.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

You sound a very caring person, I think it's sweet that you care so much not to hurt these people.

I have had slow fade done to me a few times and personally I think it's kindest, I didn't really mind and guessed what was happening. I also think when it's an online friend it's not as affecting as a real life friend, I mean online communication does tend to be more transient in nature in my experience.

Cutting off suddenly and abruptly I am less keen on, that can leave the person with thoughts they might have done or said something wrong rather than something just coming to a gradual phased out end.

Telling someone you don't have time anymore can be okay too (I have had that said to me too), again it's similar to slow fade out.

If you were my online friend I think I'd be touched that you thought enough of me to take the time to give consideration, and I'd understand.

Thanks so much! Your advise and words are spot on. I think I will follow the slow fade approach, as I have a hard time being so upfront (that I just don't have time).

[glitterbutterfly]

Block their accounts. If needed, delete your account and make a new one.

[divine1966]

I don't like to hurt people either. But I don't really consider online communication
the same as real life friendship. I look at it as they are strangers and I am not obligated to talk to strangers.

You could fake your own death.