[Righthererightnow]

Hi. My mom lost her job last year and at the same time I got a huge promotion. I live at home with my mom and sister and ended up taking over all the financial responsibilities leaving nothing for myself, I don't even go out with friends anymore because I have to pay bills etc. Mom cannot seem to find work, it's been over a year now. My sister is in university, I am paying for her fees. My sister and I do not get along well, so I have ask my mom to speak to my sister to get part time work but nothing ever seems to happen, she plays online games on weekends and holidays and sleeps over at her boyfriends for numerous days at a time instead of looking for work to help, she does not even help with household chores. Ive asked them to help me out so many times.
I'm so depressed because I'm unable to live my own life. I need help I'm tired of asking the same thing over and over.
I've even made an ultimatum that if my sister does not get work part time I will not be paying her university fees.
I've become mean and bitter, and hating myself more everyday. I need help.

[Crazy Hitch]

You're in a terrible situation. I totally agree with you ... the ultimatum that you have set is a reasonable one, all factors considered because your sister does not make an effort with a part time job. And who knows if she will ever repay you the money with her sort of dependance.

It's not doing your mental health any good and working full time you should have a little extra for yourself to see your friends. Maintaining contact with friends is really important.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you are having a tough time. You need to set some healthy boundaries and have consequences if they are crossed. Stick to them. Like you telling your sister that you would not be paying her fees unless she got a job. That's great. You just have to stick to it. Your sister's behavior is outrageous.

You could also determine what you are willing to contribute financially for the sake of the household and let your family know what it is. Also parse out the chores. For you to be working so hard and having nothing left for yourself is just wrong. You may end up having to move out to have a life of your own. Good luck in reaching a satisfactory resolution. Sending big hugs.

[hvert]

I hope she takes your ultimatum seriously. Setting a strong boundary like that sounds like a good idea for your situation.

I agree and commend you for taking a stand.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I'd start looking for your own place and move out honestly. As long as you're paying their bills without consequence, they will continue to take from you. It's sad, but it's not uncommon for this to happen in a situation like you are in. I dont' think you should be paying her university bills in the first place. A parent, sure but not a sibling, that's just not your responsibility. if your mother cannot do so, then she needs to get a job and the only thing that will prompt her to do so is to just stop paying her bills.

[TiredPilgrim]

Like the others, I agree that your expectations are healthy and reasonable.
Why do you see yourself as "mean and bitter"? You are sacrificing your dreams and desires and needs, and your family is taking advantage of that. Those are the actions of someone who is generous to a fault - the fault being that you are giving to an unhealthy level and denying your own needs.

I agree with s4ndm4n2006 that paying university fees is a parents' responsibility, and your parent is still alive. Maybe paying your sister's uni fees will help motivate her.
I can understand if you feel bitter, but the things you want and expect are very reasonable and healthy.