What would you do if you had a regular group (friends, co-workers... though my case is a group of friends) and had a bad gut feeling to one of the members?

Is this a new person to the group? Someone you don't know too well? What is your gut feeling about this person?

If it were me and I had a bad gut feeling, I would probably be friendly and cordial towards them, but would keep my distance until I got to know them better to see if my gut feeling was right. In other words, I wouldn't be chummy chummy with them and open up to them with my trust but still accept them within the group.

((((Hugs)))))

He's not new and he hurt me badly in the past when I opened up to him. Whenever he's mentioned I can feel my gut becoming restless

Oooohhh that's tough. I wouldn't trust him again in this case.

Is there a way you can be cordial but still avoid him since he's a part of your friend group? Meaning, not open up to him again and just accept his presence without engaging 1:1 with him? And if he does try to engage you, can you switch the topic and/or focus on other people, making it clear you're not interested?

[Spangle]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

What would you do if you had a regular group (friends, co-workers... though my case is a group of friends) and had a bad gut feeling to one of the members?

I think firstly, I’d try to identify what feeling that person brings up in you. Then ask yourself if it’s true of that person & give yourself examples. It could be that person is triggering you & have a likeness in some way to someone else in your past. Then I’d ask myself if this person has any traits that are the same as you. If after that you come up with nothing, then go with your gut feeling & avoid them. We all have a gut feeling for a reason.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with golden eve. I'd be cordial but that's it.

[ReptileInYourHead]

The unconscious reads the subtle signs that our conscious mind ignores.
Trust your gut, especially since you have had a bad experience with him in the past.
Good social graces aside, you might feel better if you do not pretend to be ok with him, depends on the group dynamic and on your priorities within it.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

What would you do if you had a regular group (friends, co-workers... though my case is a group of friends) and had a bad gut feeling to one of the members?

If he betrayed you in the past, then it's a healthy thing to have a bad feeling about him in your gut. I would just keep him at arms length and not share anything personal with him

[BleedTheFreak]

No sense in ditching the entire group because of one bad egg. Find a way to get over your ill-will towards him, and enjoy yourself.

Thanks guys

[Sprite22]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

What would you do if you had a regular group (friends, co-workers... though my case is a group of friends) and had a bad gut feeling to one of the members?

When someone gives you a creepy feeling...use your head not your gut. And let intuition take over,

[Rose76]

Well, I sure wouldn't open up to him again. Beyond that, what sort of options do you think you have? I don't think I'ld withdraw from the group over one individual, if I liked others in the group.

Here's what I would avoid. It could be tempting to try and rally others in the group against him. I wouldn't go there.

Originally Posted by Rose76

Well, I sure wouldn't open up to him again. Beyond that, what sort of options do you think you have? I don't think I'ld withdraw from the group over one individual, if I liked others in the group.

Here's what I would avoid. It could be tempting to try and rally others in the group against him. I wouldn't go there.

Definitely wouldn't do such a thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but gut feelings are very personal and subjective. While x may not like y in the gut, z could love x and y in the gut and x could love z.

[Rose76]

I looked it up and found this: A "gut feeling" is not entirely based on logical analysis. It can't be articulated as coming from a clear, easily understood rationale. You might have some logical explanation for why you dislike the guy, but the strength of your dislike can't be fully supported by objective facts. Gut feelings are intuitive. None of that means that they are less reliable to go on.

I think you can belong to a group and not be equally bonded to each member of the group.

[mugwort2]

Since you know of his past with you I'd be respectful but I'd be very careful, cautious about getting too close or involved. I can understand why you want to keep your distance.