[rdgrad15]

I found out recently that I was right about a coworker's behavior. In the past I mentioned how a coworker seems to not like to give rides, which I respect. I went a long time without accepting rides from her. Then just recently there was an in-service day and she offered me a ride and I figured since it has been quite a while since the last time I rode with her and she was really insistent even though I told her I could find my own ride, I accepted her offer. She picked me up and that's when she finally admitted it. She told me that she is sick of feeling like a designated driver, which I obviously don't think of her as. And she also just feels weird. I shouldn't have accepted her offer. I didn't ask but I just don't know why she would offer if she felt uncomfortable or didn't want to. She says she feels weird because she is a lot older than me, which is true. If that is the case, then she shouldn't have offered in the first place.

I even told her I had my own way to the in-service but she still insisted anyway. I am tempted to ask her once she has calmed down why she has to offer rides if she doesn't really want to. She didn't scream or yell, she actually basically talked to me like how a parent would talk to a three year old that was doing stupid things or not using common sense. At the same time, she nagged at what I should be doing and what I should think about in terms of getting rides in the future. Basically treating me like I am stupid and like she is my parent. It was very condescending and unnecessary. I feel bad she felt that way, but at the same time, I feel like the way she dealt with it was unprofessional and inappropriate. I am glad she opened up to me but I feel like she could have handled it better. She could have handled it more maturely.

Should I ask her why she offered if she didn't want to in the first place? Is there a reason she has to be so insistent on taking me and then getting mad when I accept her offer after giving up on telling her I have my own ride? It is just confusing. Thank gosh I already had pulled back on accepting her offers. The only reason I didn't firmly stand my ground is because it had been awhile so I figured maybe she didn't mind and would be okay just this one time. That was my mistake. I shouldn't have done that. Next time, I am standing my ground no matter what or no matter how much time has passed. This is the same coworker that gave me rides a few times last year but I started to get vibes that she was getting sick of it. I backed off since I didn't want her to feel used and didn't want to always rely on one person to get me places.

I just wish she had been more honest and not offered if she didn't want to. Clearly she was secretly hoping I would say no but at the same time, felt obligated to ask anyway. Do you think it is something else that could have caused her to act that way? Even though I did make the mistake of accepting her offer, do you think she was being a bit rude about how she handled it? I feel like she was a bit. I am also starting to think that she is just being too nice to people, not just to me. Especially since she is a mother herself. My mom is like that too. I know a lot of people, especially parents and friends that offer favors while secretly hoping the person would decline, and in some cases, getting mad as well. I did apologize for aggravating her. She said I don't aggravate her and she doesn't mind, yet she acted like she is bothered by it. So that is why I am not accepting any more favors from her whatsoever. In a way I feel like she is being manipulative or something.

[unaluna]

Thats very confusing when people act that way. Its like they are purposely trying to trap you, but the offered you a favor, so they can still feel like they are a good guy. I dont get it! I sympathize with you. I would stay away from her in the future.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Thats very confusing when people act that way. Its like they are purposely trying to trap you, but the offered you a favor, so they can still feel like they are a good guy. I dont get it! I sympathize with you. I would stay away from her in the future.

I agree. I actually feel trapped and tricked. When she cools down, I may speak with her again in private. I respect her wishes, but I still want to know why she offered if she didn't want to in the first place. In a way, I feel like she is being manipulative.

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Should I ask her why she offered if she didn't want to in the first place? Is there a reason she has to be so insistent on taking me and then getting mad when I accept her offer after giving up on telling her I have my own ride? It is just confusing. Thank gosh I already had pulled back on accepting her offers.

No back away and stay away from her. I think some times people don't know why they act the way that they do and trying to find out will just aggravate them, and you.

I had a weird similar experience yesterday. A co worker came up and wanted to learn how to take the subway. I even left early to show him. But when we got in the subway his entire demeanor changed. Like suddenly he was incapable of joking or even not clearly looking like he was disgusted by the whole thing (and me). It was like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. I was highly offended by it. I just decided that I have to keep my door closed more often... people don't seem able to stuff down their feelings at the moment for manners.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

No back away and stay away from her. I think some times people don't know why they act the way that they do and trying to find out will just aggravate them, and you.

I had a weird similar experience yesterday. A co worker came up and wanted to learn how to take the subway. I even left early to show him. But when we got in the subway his entire demeanor changed. Like suddenly he was incapable of joking or even not clearly looking like he was disgusted by the whole thing (and me). It was like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. I was highly offended by it. I just decided that I have to keep my door closed more often... people don't seem able to stuff down their feelings at the moment for manners.

Wow, your coworker was being inconsiderate. You were just trying to help. That is very bizzare. I agree, some people just can't stuff down their feelings and may not even know what they want.