[Toll house]

Was in a long term relationship where he had become abusive- mentally, verbally and serious physical resulting in several serious injuries. Four months ago a stranger called 911 when she saw him attacking me in our car. He's incarcerated and blames me, refuses to own up to it or offer any sincere remorse. I went from living everyday with him for over 2.5 yrs to not seeing or talking to him at all.

I feel so alone and have really low self worth, depression hopelessness and pretty bad ptsd that makes life a rollercoaster because I never can really predict when I'll have a flashback or trigger. Im so sad.

[TishaBuv]

Keep going as far away from him as you can get. You are so lucky to get away with your life. You are not a punching bag. This is a new chance to improve. You deserve self esteem. You are a survivor.

Originally Posted by Toll house

Was in a long term relationship where he had become abusive- mentally, verbally and serious physical resulting in several serious injuries. Four months ago a stranger called 911 when she saw him attacking me in our car. He's incarcerated and blames me, refuses to own up to it or offer any sincere remorse. I went from living everyday with him for over 2.5 yrs to not seeing or talking to him at all.

I feel so alone and have really low self worth, depression hopelessness and pretty bad ptsd that makes life a rollercoaster because I never can really predict when I'll have a flashback or trigger. Im so sad.

I understand it. While some relationships can be abusive, they still have parts which we need such as company and security.
I recommend letting time take its part in this, along with possible therapy and taking care of yourself
I'm willing to give you some company if you'd like.

[Erebos]

Been in a similar place. My ex spent the last two years of our relationship, being quiet seriously abusive. Mostly physically and mentally but there were a couple of sexual assaults.
Yet the night he left I fell to the floor and literally begged him to stay.
Feeling lost and empty is normal. The end of a relationship is ALOT like grieving, only problem is the other person isn't dead. And there is always the 'what if' hanging over your head.

Are you two officially over, or do you want him back, does he want to come back?

It may not feel like it right now, but with a little support you will wake up one day and realise he isn't what you want.
Please access any support services for battered spouses. And any Mental health resources that are available.

For a long time I kept talking to my ex, kept trying to make him understand, how badly he had hurt me. And our kids. How it had been unnecessary. That he could have just talked to me.
I wanted to see some remorse, to hear an apology, that maybe he was ashamed.

Problem was, he wasn't and didn't, because in his head it was my fault, and NOTHING was going to change that.

It was when I finally clicked, that he absolutely believed that he wasn't at fault that I was able to start moving on.
I realised whatever we had was broken beyond repair and actually, I didn't want it back.

It can take time, and like you I had severe panics and flashbacks.
I wasn't so much taking it a day at a time as, 15 mins at a time.
If I tried to plan further ahead than that I had a full blown panic attack.
Baby steps, one at a time. If yo successful, congratulate yourself, if you can't do it this time, it's ok. Just move on to the next mini task.

I wish you all the best. Take care.

[MickeyCheeky]

What happened to you was horrible. But now you're out of it. That's the thing that matters the most. Focus on rebuilding a new life away from him.. can you afford a therapist?

[Sunflower123]

The support of a therapist could be really beneficial for you. I'm glad you got away from him. Sending big hugs.