[SpazKatt]

I am so frustrated, I recently moved to AZ with my fiance. I was very aprehensive about us living together. Right now is one of those times that I wished we didn't. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for sex. According to him it's "ALL the time" Anyhow, he makes it all about how he's not good enough blah blah blah. Then he gets all huffy and angry at me, I feel upset and hurt and like he hates me. So I ask if he hates me, is mad at me, whatever. This makes him more mad. I ask because he turns away from me and won't cuddle with me. I cry because I made him become upset, he tells me not to cry, but he won't hug me or anything which makes me feel worse. Tonight is one of those nights... I don't know what to do I can't sleep especially when I want to be cuddled and he's awake pissed off at me. I don't even know if there is anyone around right now... probably not. I have to work in the AM but who knows if I'll be up for that. Gaaahhh!!!! Support/advice/whatever if you can.

[chaotic13]

I hate the non-responsive, cold shoulder pouting. And men say we are the emotional gender! This sounds like a two way street here to me. He wants sex, you want tenderness and caring. I think both parties need to be a little more accomidating to each other.

Guys just don't seem to get that wham, bam, thank you ma'am doesn't meet our needs. They also don't seem to get that expecting us to lust for them after they treat us like crap for days isn't going to happen either. I also don't get how someone can not talk to you all week and then roll over one night and expect a little someth'n, someth'n. Sorry, can you tell I've been here too :-)

I hope you guys work thinks out before you go off to work.

that sounds familiar unfortunately to me too.
only solution is couples counselling...not gonna solve it here with a few posts.

[SpazKatt]

Thanks...

[LMo]

Aw man Spazz...

It's too bad he's so childish about it. But, realize that he's just been rejected. No, he probably doesn't hate you and I really don't think you should ask him if he does. He probably isn't necessarily mad at you either, but he DOES feel rejected and probably needs some time to lick his wounds.

How exactly are you delivering the news that you're not in the mood? Maybe there is something you can change about the way you're saying no...

[TYMBERWOLV]

Spaz,

Well sweetie I might have a little advice for ya.

1st :This is not about him liking or loving you
2nd :Your Significant other might be an invalidator
3rd : If you understand why he does these things you can cope better


4th :::: This is the important one .... There is a book called " Pasty People i think it is by jay carter it is a 90 page read .... Very informative and it teaches you how to identify to invalidators so that you do not become one



T

BTW im always availible just send an PM i will respond

[SpazKatt]

You don't happen to mean Nasty People by Jay Carter? Because I have that book! and it's 85 pages... so I bet it's the one you're speaking of

[SpazKatt]

This IS the book page 15: "The Invalidator"

[Soidhonia]

Hello Spazkatt. I am sorry that you are struggling at this time with your fiance. I agree with the above posts you ne couples counseling to help you improve your reationship with your fiance. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care. Soidhonia

[Doh2007]

I'm going to get that book. It looks good.

I don't like being in dramatic relationships and sometimes you can't get out of them.

I hope you get some comfort coming here. I don't know the answer to your situation, but I can hear your hurt and I'm sending you a mental hug.

Wouldn't it be great if people could just accept us the way we are?

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Katt )))))))))))))))

[Perna]

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SpazKatt said:
You don't happen to mean Nasty People by Jay Carter? Because I have that book! and it's 85 pages... so I bet it's the one you're speaking of

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He also has another 2 books, Nasty Men and Nasty Women.

Can you "humor" him out of his mood, "tease" him a bit about his prowess and tickle him into grabbing and hugging you? :-) My husband and I have a ritual where if there's a step, we look at one another and I run over and stand on it and we "fit" perfectly together then and hug :-) Get some fun things like that going for you if you can and it may seem more natural to him to do those things. You can have "codes" like, "I wish there were a step nearby!" and he'll know to hug you. We have a joke where if he winks, I'm supposed to be instantly turned on (so I give a little squirm of pleasure). Play some "games" with him like that so both of you lighten up and communicate better?