I have been hesitant to post about this. It is really shameful. My boyfriend moved into my studio apt. with me 7 years ago, when his cheating wife left him. He had accepted her child after she lied and said it was his, but really was some other guy's kid. He stayed with her for three years after she had this other guys baby. Eventually, she cheated again and left him, and when he was about to get evicted from his old apt, because he stopped paying rent for like 9 months, he asked to stay with me for awhile. Well, awhile turned in to a year, 2, 3, 4, and I don't even know how it got to 7. It's a blur. Anyway, throughout the years, I have had a lot of downs, moments of tiny ups, and now I think I am in full on break down mode. Nearly every month of those 7 years, I have told him to get his own place. He has too much baggage for me to deal with, and I honestly don't think he ever cared about me. I have helped him to my detriment. He has never said he loves me in all those years, and seems to be perfectly content holed up in that disgusting studio apt. At this point, I don't care if he loves me, it's too late anyway, the actions spoke louder. I was able to ignore my mind for so long, but now my body has had enough. I get physically sick sleeping there. I have been sleeping at my mom's for about 3 weeks now. I shower at my apt. because my good shower is one of my few joys. My life has shrunk so much that I am appreciating the smallest things like a good shower and fresh air. He smokes, snores, plays video games and greases up the kitchen with his terrible food. I have gained weight, quit my job, am dragging myself to finish school, which is the one good thing I have managed to not self destruct. The fact that I'm not there has delighted him so much. He thinks I should just move back in with my mom while he stays there, and brings his 4 kids over, and plays video games and cooks, and generally destroys the place. I just wanted to tell someone, anyone, what goes on. There are people like this in the world. They will take everything, even if you barely have anything. My apt. was supposed to my refuge from my mother and mean, greedy, selfish people. Now, I am at her beck and call again. She is temperamental, and I'm an excellent house guest. I clean, cook, and I still get things taken out on me. I'm gonna snap. I might as well sleep on the stretch of road I drive up and down everyday. I'm almost done with school, and all this stress for so many years, even before this, has worn me down, I can only do one thing at a time. I am living on financial aid refund money, which is pretty much the loan, so living on borrowed money. I even paid the rent this month. I don't know why......I keep thinking by some miracle he will leave. I look for other apts. and they are so freaking expensive now. I don't know what to do. I talked to him about this rationally, and he gets all upset, and plays games, saying that I'm kicking him out. I was raised around men who had real problems, and they still managed to stand on their own two feet. I really don't get this. He is not depressed, has no mental or physical illness. Makes $20/hr., but pays $800 total in child support. He still has plenty to afford a nice place of his own. He seems to think that he is the only guy who pays child support, so therefore needs to rely on a single struggling girl to help him. I guess I have put up with it for so long because I have no one. Only my mom, and a brother. My family all died a few years ago, along with a good friend. I can't call anyone just to talk, they're gone. So, thanks to anyone who read this.

I found this article about how to evict a roommate. Worth looking at to know what your legal guidelines might be.

Evicting People Who Are Not on the Lease From Your Apartment | Home Guides | SF Gate

This is written for California, but I'd imagine state rules are fairly similar. You have to know what your lease actually says about having a roommate. Were you supposed to put him on the lease or not, etc.

[Molinit]

All you have to do is go to the courthouse and evict him. I'm not understanding why you haven't done it already.

Yes, evict him. Are you the only one on the lease? If so, I believe you can kick him out, which is exactly what I would do to a bum like that. (((hugs)))

[Shazerac]

Ummm...tell him to get the f**k out? He didn't steal your apartment you let him have. Take it back. Call the police if you have to. Bag up his junk and toss out the door. You don't have to be lady like or Nice about it.

I am pretty sure your property management can evict him.

[divine1966]

He didn't really steal it. You let him live there. Kick him out. Tell property manager or sue for eviction

Originally Posted by divine1966

He didn't really steal it. You let him live there. Kick him out. Tell property manager or sue for eviction

Good call.

[Shazerac]

Unless his name is on the lease you don't have to sue for eviction and telling the property owner may get you in trouble because most leases do not allow long term visitors.

Just because the person happens to be a boyfriend gives them absolutely NO right whatsoever to be in your apartment if you don't want them there. Tell him to leave. If he doesn't, call the police or sherif they will make him leave on the spot.

I know what I'm talking about because I've done it. More than once. Dumb a@@ guys think they can camp out at your house just because you let them in your bed.

[divine1966]

I am sure after 7 years manager or land lord knows how many people live there and who is on the lease!

[Sunflower123]

Evict him and get help doing it if you need to. That’s your place. Take it back. Good luck.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am sure after 7 years manager or land lord knows how many people live there and who is on the lease!

I would think the manager would have made her put him on the lease after seeing him living there. If he’s on the lease, even though you are the one paying the rent, I’m not sure what you need to do. Ask the manager. Ask a real estate attorney.

Live and learn, and stop being a push over.

[hvert]

Good luck, it is a really tough situation. A friend is facing something similar and is at the point of abandoning her apartment to rent a room. It has been eye opening to see how hard it is to get out of this situation. Cops can't do anything. Legal Aid won't help. Even the domestic violence group said they was nothing they could do. Keeping my fingers crossed you can get him out of your apartment or at least out of your life.

I of course have no clue about the laws there but in my locale you are allowed to break a lease if you need to leave your residence because of partner abuse. This may qualify. As someone mentioned above, might you leave then and take the opportunity for a fresh start?

[cakeladie]

I think you will have to evict him. He's been there for 7 years and has clothes there and gets his mail there so the police can't do anything because that is now his home to.

You need to take back your apartment that is your "safe haven" don't let him have it fight for it. Yes it will be frustrating but if you don't do it then you loose your safe haven and he gets to keep being a jerk.

Good luck.

[Spangle]

I agree with all the others. Evict him. If you ask him to leave & he won’t, then get some advice. If all else fails, wait until he’s out, chuck his stuff into bin liners & put outside the front door & arrange to have the locks changed. Good luck. You deserve better than this.

[~Christina]

Bag his stuff and tell him to go !!!!!

I had to throw out a BF once that did the same thing. I called the police because he flat refused to leave, They told him to take his stuff and get out.

Im sorry your going through this shyt