[oregardenmama]

Hello

After a fight that escalated yesterday morning, I called the cops on my husband (after threatening many times during past fights), the cops came, they were very kind to me. And ultimately they took my husband to jail. I wasn't hurt badly, physically. I did a good job fighting him off but he sure tried. The last 24 hrs have been surreal and I am trying to grapple with his behavior and our future. I met with my therapist yesterday and we talked a lot about how his going to jail and the aftermath is not my fault and is hopefully a wake up call for him to get some help.

I haven't told my parents and I'm dreading it. I just don't know how to tell them this happened. I'm their only and they have taken my husband like a son. My mom heard through a wall one of our fights a few months ago and worried for me. I assured her that I was ok and could take care of myself. Now I'm worried she is going to freak out and tell me she told me so and never speak with him again.

He is my daughter's father and a great one at that. He is the love of my life and has a bad side that can get violent. At this point we are on a no contact order, he can't come within 100 ft of me or the house until he goes to court tomorrow and the DA decides to press charges or not. I guess I'm asking for assistance on 1). How to tell my parents and 2). Where to go from here if I'm not ready to call it quits on my marriage but recognize that a lot needs to happen in order for me to trust him, feel safe with him, feel like a valued member of our family and his life. What do I do when this order is up? How do I get all to him the first time?

Any advice would be so appreciated and helpful. Thank you. Please no victim shaming.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm glad you're safe right now. I must ask, please don't contact your husband ever again. He was violent to you and you did the right thing by calling the police (not many women reach that step). I think you should try to tell your parents. I don't think they're going to react too badly, since you mentioned that hey already knew something was up, plus it seems like they care about you. Not to mention, he's in jail now, so they have no reason to worry at the moment. But you know them better than me, so I'm not sure..

I am sorry things are so scary and confusing. Work with your therapist, police, lawyer, etc.--ask for their guidance on this issue. I don't know if your husband can change his behavior or not--I am sure it is complicated and hard to express all the details and feelings involved in one post. If I was your mom, I would want to know. I think you should tell her. Hugs and good luck.

Yes. I too, am glad you are safe and will say the same things as Mickey. Once abuse escalates to violence, there's no going back. Please consider leaving for the sake of your safety and your child's well being. Your parents will understand. I understand he's a great love, but why you would want to remain in a marriage with a violent man that you had to send to jail is beyond me. Please reconsider. (((hugs)))

[Shazerac]

It's not easy letting go of a love. But like the others said, this violence will only escalate. This may sound harsh, but if you stay with him you are teaching your daughter that violence is ok in a relationship

[healingme4me]

Have you received any referrals to women's support groups? They can be a much needed source of moral support. I'm unclear why what to tell your parents or not tell your parents weighs so heavily on you?
What you write about your husband being the love of your life and a wonderful father isn't far fetched. Battered women tend to have their abuser placed so far up on a pedastal they become blinded to facts.

He laid hands on you. Severely enough to wind up in a holding cell. Serious enough for the DA to get involved.

Yet, you wonder about your parents. :\

A life no longer walking on eggshells is worth it. That's for you to discover.

It can take a victim 7-8 tries before breaking free from the roller coaster. You're worth it.