Is he the abuser or am i? help

I think you are very confused and young and maybe would do better to not see anyone right now and spend some time single to figure out what you really want and who you really are.

The allegations you made are very serious. And because he sweet talked you, you just let it all go?

I would be careful to set up safe boundaries moving forward so he doesn't take advantage of you in the future.

Seesaw

Yeah, i get that it´s easy to view it that way but he was never abusive. I love him, and when you love someone you don´t give up on them. I should never have even posted this whole thing...I was confused. At least now i know. I´m never going to leave him. But thank you all for your lovely advice! Just doesn´t apply in my case heh.

When you love someone, you want to believe in them and see the good in them. You're making excuses for his behavior.
I wouldn't trust this guy for one second.

The fact that you were wondering and confused about whether he was abusive or not say something about this relationship. He manipulated you. I was in this kind of relationship before, it left me into pieces that even until now I'm still struggling to heal. This article might help with your confusion https://www.helpguide.org/articles/a...-and-abuse.htm

Don’t regret the post. We’re all anonymous. This is a good place to explore your feelings.

Please be careful. When people talk about killing, it shows they are likely to actually do it. Even you having these thoughts. While they are just thoughts...be careful.

Thank you, sincerely. It felt good to pour my heart out a bit. I will be careful. I know loving him will be difficult for me at times, and i may cry but it is worth it. It´s my purpose in life. I have my stuffies and my imaginary friend and i´ll be fine. When he´s sweet to me i feel like i´m on clouds! (Sorry i know i sound slightly crazy, but i´m just being honest)

not sure what to say fluffy, you seem impervious to reason.
Sounds like he knows exactly how to soothe your anxiety and quiet your doubts.
I think he’s got you figured out while you are still confused by him.

He told me if i wanted a relationship with him it´d have to do it his way. He was really sweet to me, he always is.

I fantasize a lot about an angelic boy coming to kidnap me. I´d hate it at first but it´d feel so nice to be saved, helped, without having a choice. Sorry, i know i sound just plain ****ed up now. Guess i´m trying to invoke some reaction. Since the therapy place rejected me i really have no one to talk to. As it should be.

How is telling you it has to be his way sweet??

If your decision is to stay with him, then stay. But if one day he caused you pain that you can't take anymore, please seek for help. I wish you well

Please please please seek help. Your idea of a healthy relationship is seriously warped. You place your identity up in this guy who has clearly been abusive,.whether you want to admit it or not.

We'll be hee for you regardless, but I hope you will be very careful in continuing a relationship with him.

It means he wants to be with me. Do i wish he´d let me call him by his name and that one day when i wake up we´d be boyfriend and girlfriend again? Yes.
But this is nice too. He said he loved me in his own way, in a way that would be good for us.

You can't call him by his name? Red flag.

Can only call him "Sir" or some other similar name. Owner, God, Daddy. I like it. It makes me so sad. Sometimes. But i like it. I have to. There is no turning back, ever. He said today that he did this because i liked it. He said overthinking is hurting him, and myself. I´ll just stop thinking.

Please show this thread to your doctor or therapist or in fact anyone else. He wants you tocall himdaddy? Say what????

Maybe i would if i had someone. Too ashamed to tell my family, don´t go to therapy anymore. They said i didn´t have any illnesses so they were like, bye.
Honestly i´m amused. I want something bad to happen to me.

Also, a lot of people call their partner Daddy, disturbing as it sounds. He calls me little girl all the time. I guess it´s sweet.

I have only read the original post (first post in this thread) so excuse me if I am saying something others have stated...

I see in the original post that you are 16. BDSM sites online have age limits .....usually...(my wife and I are in a few)

if you read your sites home page you may find some info that says things like....

BDSM is a fetish where there is one or more dominant persons (the one that is all controlling, doles out discipline/ punishments for anything that the dom person feels is wrong that the other person is saying or doing.( the other person is called the sub, submissive = person who has no control, or decisions)

in BDSM anything goes and is not called abusive.....unless.... the dom does not stop / honor the code word that means stop.

everything that I have read in the original post does fit with what goes on in the BDSM situations. including you stated in your post when you want to stop your dom does stop.

if you dont want to be in a BDSM relationship online or off my suggestion is tell your dom you are no longer interested in BDSM then have no more contact with him if he wants to continue to be in the BDSM world. he will find another "sub" who is into the same things that he is into (his being the dom controlling everything.)

another suggestion is contact your doctor or a therapist who can help you figure out why at age 16 you wanted to be in a BDSM which is a world where one wants to be abused/ disciplined and the other wants to be in complete control.

Do you understand that nothing about a healthy relationship should make you sad? It makes you sad that you can't call him by his name, and yet he tells you that it's because you like it when you clearly don't like it, since it makes you sad?

He tells you what you like and don't like, even though you say you don't like it? Relationships are about nurturing each other and being equal partners. He does not nurture you nor are you two equals in the relationship. He's telling you your overthinking it because you are thinking about your own needs and he doesn't care. In a healthy BDSM relationship, if you told him you don't like something, he would respect that. But he doesn't. He doesn't care about your needs.

I hope you can see this.

Seesaw

You want something bad to happen to you? News flash: something bad is already happening to you. Trust me, you don't want worse to happen to you. It's almost obscene that you would say that when so many people here have been abused and raped and you want something bad to happen to you?

You don't have to have an illness to see a therapist. You can see a therapist to learn better communication skills or to be more assertive or to work on not accepting bad relationships. You need to work on your self esteem and self worth because clearly you do not value yourself and your own needs enough. You talk a lot about the things that you want but you seem to think you have to settle for this guy because he's the only guy you've ever known. You're afraid to accept that you are worth more and deserve better.

Seesaw

I see a therapist. I have no mental illness at all. I see her about once a month to cope with few troublesome events: my mother is very ill and potentially losing her battle with cancer and I am grieving death of my son in law. In the past I saw a therapist for help with managing my financial habits, one time I saw a therapist because I needed help with managing full time job, graduate school and a kid at home. Etc etc i never saw a therapist for illness as I don’t have one.

I don’t know if a lot of people call their partners “daddy”. I am in early 50s and know a lot of people on two continents and no one I know call their boyfriends that. But it’s not even the point. There is nothing cute or sweet about your situation. It’s s terryfing