[Solid Snake]

Hello, good people of PsychCentral. Please hear me out.
I've been through a lot with this one person. Let's name her Andrea.
She was actually the one who once jumpstarted a lot of positive changes in my life - motivated me to break up a pointless relationship, go seek medical help with my mood swings etc. I used to think of her as far superior to me - she is obviously way more mentally ill than I am, but takes it as a champ. She was this only person that I could always talk to about my fractured mental state. Maybe we talked about it too much. In fact, our relationship started to look like a lot like therapy.
But she is no therapist. And even if she was, one shouldn't get counseling from an aquaintance, right?

Lately things have changed. Andrea found a new calling in life - wants to make indie video games now. In spite of her unstable mental health she wrote down a detailed game scenario and found people who are willing to code for her. It all started to look very real. I know about all this because she told me. She have been talking about this game an awful lot recently. I tried to cheer for her, but couldn't. I started to have this ugly feeling inside.
The game's script seemed overblown and boring to me; the theme of the game - ridiculous, to say the least. Suddenly I became the opposite of a true friend - smiling on the surface and saying "great, can't wait to play it!" - while tearing my friend's brainchild down internally. I had to confront my own pettiness.

The thing is that - I envy her. I used to dream about game developing too. But that never came into fruition - i was too depressed, too unstable to achieve anything in the field, you see. I am a nobody with a ****** part-time job, while she is on a speedy way to greatness. And it bothers me.

My depression gets steadily worse and worse for months know. I have less and less nice and uplifting things to say, for most of the time I'm feeling like crap.

Andrea told me lately that our relationship hurts her; that I'm "enjoying it" and "willfully prolonging this slump". She assured me that "she'll be there for me in the future "(whatever that means.) She sugarcoated it in lots of nice sounding fluff words like "love", but I don't believe a thing. For me, actions speak louder. If you really love someone - you don't cut them off. That's how I see it.

We stopped talking to each other a few weeks ago. I feel bad. Mostly abandoned and disillusioned - I used to see her as such a wise and noble person, and there she goes, dumping this friendship because I make her feel bad. Using my own bad mental state against me. But I'm also strangely relieved. Now I won't have to listen to all this banter about the game anymore. I won't ever have to play it.

What do you think? Should I actually take her at her word and reach out to her again in a month or two - or is it a lost cause? For now I feel like she can go to hell - but that might change over time. I am volatile like that.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. How disappointing! What if you decided not to make a decision right now while you are feeling like this and it’s still fresh? Give it some time and then in a month or two, revisit the issue and decide whether you want to continue. In the meantime you could talk it over with your therapist or vent to us here. Best wishes.

[Bill3]

[winter loneliness]

That is a good idea. Sometimes friends or family need a break, from each other. It doesn't have to mean forever. Relationships evolve over time.

I would try to keep the lines of communication open.

[Solid Snake]

She just wrote me a message among the lines "sorry, but can't talk to you for a while, it's hurting me, gotta take care of my well being." I answered that sure, okay, If it's so than I don't want to talk to her either.
She didn't even read the answer.
To be honest, I just want to put her behind for good. Been abandoned - or even just ghosted - by important people in my life before and I just run out of the f***cks to give.

[Solid Snake]

I don't understand the concept of "a break." For me it's really simple; either I love/really like someone and need them in my life, or I don't anymore and I want to get rid of them.

Since she said essentially that me as a person (my depression is a thing that's shaping my identity as strongly as any character traits, I had no say in this matter) is being hurtful for her, I believe this to be the latter, just sugarcoated in conventional niceties.

[winter loneliness]

You know her better than I do. I was just giving a suggestion. Sorry if I upset you.

You mentioned you feel abandoned. Have you looked at the borderline board? I know abandonment is discussed over there. It might be helpful.

[Lolina]

She sounds like a nice person who has tried to help you and actually did help you. I think she has just chosen to be a bit selfish and concentrate on herself.
You said it yourself, you felt jealous and your cheerfulness was not sincere and it started to bother you. I think it's a mature decision to cut some people out of our life even momentarily sometimes. It can be hard to care for herself and others at the same time.
I was very supportive of family members and they just kept complaining, whining about their life without a break and without caring in return. When I started to have adrenal fatigue and feeling tired all the time it was just too much to take so I didn't have other choice but cut them off of my life, and honestly I really feel better even though it was hard.
Give her a bit of time, she will be thankful to have an understanding friend like you.

[seesaw]

You say that when you love someone you don't cut them out of your life...that's just not true. I have had toxic family members that, while I love them, for my own care and well-being, I can't be around them very much or at all.

She cares for you, but she has to put her own well-being first. She has tried to support you, but it clearly was taking a toll on her mentally, so she needs a break or time away to recharge and do her own self-care. I feel it's unfair to fault her for doing her own self-care when you openly say that her mental health issues are worse than yours.

It's disappointing when people need space, but you yourself said you weren't being supportive of her. What kind of friendship is that, where she's been very supportive and helpful to you, and when she starts to do well you return her friendship with insincere support and jealousy?

I think you need to re-evaluate what friendship truly is. Friends aren't just people who give and give and support you. It's a two-way street. You lift each other up. And you weren't doing any lifting.

Give her a few weeks, then you may reach out and I would suggest start by apologizing for being negative towards her and letting her know that you do care and support her. You may be able to salvage the friendship, if that's what you want.

I hope this helps put things in perspective.

Seesaw

[winter loneliness]

Well said. ^ And actually I have friends that have needs, and I Am there for them for a while, and then take a break. My shoulders are only so wide.

[Solid Snake]

You know what guys, thanks, but I guess I should just talk to my therapist about this. You're just making me feel much worse.