[Sarmas]

I’ve already been through the ringer when it comes to relationships. I don’t seem to luck. I feel like I give so much of myself and I don’t expect anything in return but what I don’t get is betrayal. I’m at the point where the only person I feel I can trust is myself because everyone as an agenda. I get along with many people but all of my relationships are on the surface. I don’t share much of myself and my issues at all. I’m more like entertainment. However, everyone comes to me during a crisis which I very much welcome. People come and go which is fine too because everyone needs to do what’s best for them.

Then I went through a divorce where my oldest son started giving info to my ex (he’s not the biological father) for monetary gains. My oldest son was reaching out to me in a mission in ord t to complete tasks given to him by my ex. He confessed to that once he was called out by my middle son. I can’t trust him now. He touched base with me maybe once a month to ask where I’m at and “catch up”. I’ve seen a pattern which is odd between his calls and my ex’s calls. Recently he asked me that if he did something wrong and I reminded him of what happened in the past . I told him that I can a relationship with him and I’m here for him but I wish not to discuss my agenda or get personal about my life. He told me that I was shutting him out and that he’s innocent. That was after a long pause. This was all through text. I didn’t answer. I’ve given up much for him and I wanted nothing in return but he continues to communicate with my ex. As long as he has that type of communication I refuse to get close to him and let him into my life the way I used to. He knew about the divorce before it happened and he played along with my ex. I can’t let that go and I prefer to let him go. I’m here for him but at a distance. I’m not sure how to communicate further now.

[All Is Revealed]

Wow. It must feel awful to have your own son do this to you.

If your son lost your trust, then it's best not to communicate with him. If you do, keep things short with him.

Do what makes you happy. Your happiness comes first.

[magicalprince]

The thing that strikes me about this is--why is your ex actually PAYING for information about your life? That is not normal.

It seems like there is a lot of one-sidedness in your relationships both with your ex and oldest son and when you are being betrayed it's hard to know how to handle the situation. It seems like both your ex and your oldest son do not have much concern for how they make you feel. So my thought is, have you actually told your oldest son how it made you feel that he was doing this stuff behind your back?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by magicalprince

The thing that strikes me about this is--why is your ex actually PAYING for information about your life? That is not normal.

It seems like there is a lot of one-sidedness in your relationships both with your ex and oldest son and when you are being betrayed it's hard to know how to handle the situation. It seems like both your ex and your oldest son do not have much concern for how they make you feel. So my thought is, have you actually told your oldest son how it made you feel that he was doing this stuff behind your back?

I did tell him and he said that h admits what he did but that he wont do it again. There’s so much he has done where he collaborated with my ex for his own monetary gains that I just can’t trust him again. My fear is that he’s trying to gain my trust in order to repeat the same action. He still says that he needs my ex because his lifestyle is expensive and he has medical insurance through my ex. He’s still in the same scenario with my ex. Apparently my son say that I’m not the fair one.

[divine1966]

If you are divorced and your son isn’t your ex’s son how could he be on his medical insurance? Did your ex adopt your son?

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you are divorced and your son isn’t your ex’s son how could he be on his medical insurance? Did your ex adopt your son?

He didn’t adopt him. According to him when we got married he was able to put him under his insurance. Then we got divorced and he kept him on. Two years after the divorce he claimed that the insurance found out that he was his sonand that he will no longer be insured. At that point my son came to me asking me to place him under my insurance. I told him that I wouldn’t be able to do that until my enrollment period. However due to what my son pulled beforehand I was skeptical. Then my ex told my son a few months ago that he would adopt him and place him under his insurance. I contacted my ex and told him that I will figure it out between my son and I and that he doesn’t have the need to do so and that there are other options. Then miraculously my ex said that they never took him off and he told my son that he’s still insured. I’m not even sure what’s true anymore and what’s false.

[divine1966]

It’s all a lie. You can’t possibly be on anyone’s insurance unless you are their child or a spouse or domestic partner. He is lying or scheming his work place.

[Sarmas]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s all a lie. You can’t possibly be on anyone’s insurance unless you are their child or a spouse or domestic partner. He is lying or scheming his work place.

I wouldn’t be surprised that he’s scheming. When we were together I kept finding out things little by little. Everyday was eventful. He owed a person money for years and I had no idea. Our car was getting repossessed as I’m in the phone with him and he’s telling me that he just paid the car a few days ago and that it was impossible. The list goes on.

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you feel betrayed by your oldest son. As long as he’s in cahoots with your ex, I think you’re making a good decision in your communication style with him.