[lost_in_the_sauce]

Let's see...here is the jist...a little more than a year ago my husband tells me he had an affair with a woman who he was pushing me to befriend...and this affair happened THE SAME WEEK WE GOT MARRIED. Naturally I was devastated, heart broken, just an all over hot mess. After trying to work through the affair ourselves for months we decided couples therapy would be beneficial...so we went and it lasted about 4 months. We were far from fixed, but we were on the right track and things were getting better. But now it is like I am expected to be over his affair and this woman who he sees every day (because he is in grad school with her).
I suffer from anxiety, but when he told be about the affair the anxiety went to a whole new level and depression came along with it. I am glad to say I am no longer depressed and my anxiety comes in the form of 'episodes' rather than hanging around like a live stream.
Anyways anytime there is trigger and the emotions of the affair come up I am made to feel bad for having them. I have sent him article after article and tried all the techniques we learned in therapy but I just dont know what to do anymore. He says if we keep fighting he will leave me because it is 'not good for HIS children' (and we dont even argue in front of the kids) yet wont hold back his tongue when my kids are around.
We are big in our church and pray and God is now present in our marriage but I am just over it all. I think leaving would be the easy thing to do, but not so much the right thing.

I am just tired of feeling like my pain isn't real and that my progression isn't fast enough and how he can be so quick to toss in the towel when I have stayed with him through the worst thing you can do to your spouse.

...ugh forever lost.

[Sunflower123]

He is not allowing you to process your feelings about the affair. All of your feelings are valid. What he did was traumatic for you when you found out. How can you heal if you can’t process your emotions? There’s also the fact that he cheated on you the week you were getting married. Another fact is that he sees this woman at grad school. Under these circumstances, any wife would feel triggered and insecure. He’s being an insensitive clod. I hope you make a decision that brings you peace and healing.

[sky457]

I am so sorry to hear this. I am a guy and I am here to say that his actions were unacceptable. I am holding back a lot of inner thoughts about how messed up he acted because you are still married and are trying to work things out.

Your thoughts are valid. He screwed up. I am not a therapist so I have to stop here.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Yea he messed up. And he sees her everyday? Omg id have anxiety too. Listen to your gut here. Can you really go on like this? Is it even getting better? You deserve to be happy. No one deserves to be cheated on.

Oh dear.. I am SO sorry this happened to you. Your feelings ARE valid, as well as your anxiety.. I agree with Jennifer's perspective. He is not allowing you to process this in your own way. HE's the one who messed up and should be allowing you to work through the emotions. I agree he is being insensitive. I cannot advise you here, but cheating is not easy to get past, let alone being able to trust the person ever again. It will take a lot of work, on both your parts. Both of you have to work through this together, and it doesn't seem like that is happening right now. I wish I had more comforting words for you.. ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

[lost_in_the_sauce]

Thank ya'll for the replies. It was nice to hear that my that others agreed with what I am going through. When things do 'get better' it will last about a week or two before we hit another plateau and I am back to square one and I am just over it all at this point. Even through all the hurt I know leaving will cause its own sort of pain, but that pain I can see ending in the future...this current pain I cannot.

Thank you all so so much

[~Christina]

What he did was lower than low. But how dare he get mad at you when you are still trying to figure what is going to be the best thing for you.

My first Husband cheated so I know how hellish that is.

I personally could not stay in the marriage.

I hope you can find the way to heal yourself and make decisions that are right for YOU

[All Is Revealed]

Love is a two way street. You can love your husband til death, but does he love you as much as you love him? You forgave him for his actions, but he is so quick to throw in the towel?

Enough is enough when you realize your husband's true level of commitment in this marriage.