[rdgrad15]

I’ev wondered if sometimes when you call someone out on something, even if done politely and it isn’t even really that big of a deal, and they get overly defensive, if that is a sign they are secretly guilty of something? Like if you made plans with someone and after making plans, they suddenly stop texting you or only text a little and with vague answers, and you ask them if they really don’t want to meet and they get mad.

I have seen people do that. Plans will be made but then they seem reluctant to talk about the plans such as a time to meet or something and you get the feeling they wish they had not agreed. When they are asked if they really do want to hang out and let them know it isn’t a big deal if they don’t and they get all defensive, saying why would you think that or why don’t you trust me. Like, to me, it isn’t a big deal. I’d rather someone tell me they changed their minds than hang out with me while secretly wishing they were doing something else. Has anyone had this experience?

The reason I’ve wondered is because I have been friends with a few people in the past that have done this. Do uou think people who get extremely defensive like that are secretly guilty? I also have a friend like this now as well. It isn’t the same one I’ve mentioned before, but she will agree to plans and then will stop texting me or barely text me and will even at times avoid talking about the plans and keep any and all other conversations as brief as possible and will even sometimes stop in the middle of a conversation. I have asked her if she really wanted to hang out and if she wanted to reschedule. She would get mad and defensive even though I was polite about it and even said it wasn’t a big deal. Like I mentioned, I’d rather not meet at all then have someoner meet me out of obligation.

The reason for me feeling that way towards some people now and even some from the past is because it was almost like clock work. They would be fine until plans were made. Then either we would hang out or the person would bail. Then after the day we had planned to meet, whether we actuallh met or not, they would be back to their normal selves. That is how my one current friend is. After our set meet up day, whether we meet or not, she will go back to her normal selve and text me a lot. Do you think that behavior is a sign of someone secretly feeling guilty? Just wondered.

[healingme4me]

It could be the defensiveness comes as result of being questioned in the ways you've mentioned. Which then it is not defensiveness but frustration. Comes accross in a way that denotes neediness and insecurities even if that's not the intention.