[Turtle_Rider]

She used to be my best friend. I used to forgive her lies... until she betrayed us 6 months ago. She scammed us, put us in trouble, and run away. I thought it was already over after her disappearance... until a few days ago. She's coming back. I'm triggered by this news.

I thought she was going to apologize and pay her debt. No, she didn't. She fabricated a new drama, more lies, and stories. She's still playing as a victim, despite the facts say otherwise. I believe that she wants to meet us because she is in big trouble and she's after our money.

Last night, a friend just had a crazy idea: confront her! I know it is risky as meeting her only open the door for her to manipulate us again. I don't want to meet her, but I'm afraid that my friends will fall for her again as one of us has fallen to her tricks.

I don't know what to do anymore. What do you think? What should we do to prevent her manipulation? Or should we cancel the meeting?

[LifeForce]

Do you feel you need to confront her, to get closure, perhaps? Unless that is the case, I wouldn’t recommend seeing her, personally. Even then, I would send her a letter expressing how much she had let me down, rather than confront her face-to-face. People who manipulators take advantage tend to be kind-hearted, sensitive people, and you may well find that she is able to make you feel so guilty about not “helping” her that you either do help her, or you feel awful about refusing her.

Your concern about her possibly manipulating your friends seems to be valid too. She could even make it look like you were just too suspicious of your “poor” friend who really needed your help (making it look like you were at fault)!

I obviously don’t know her or what she is capable of, but you do. What do you think? If all your internal alarm bells are ringing, I don’t think you should ignore them. Do what feels right to you and don’t let others pressure you into doing something that you feel would be a mistake. Trust your gut on this!

[avlady]

LifeForce is right and i agree!!

[MickeyCheeky]

What are the advantages you'll gain if you eventually arrange to meet her?

[Turtle_Rider]

Thank you. You are right. We want to end this. We don't want to deal with this matter anymore. So, we're going to get the closure in the meeting.

I don't know how to send her a letter. I don't want to send it from emails or phones because I don't want her to know and contact me again. If I blocked her, she would create new accounts to contact me. I can't send a physical letter because she keeps lying about her address.

At this moment, she can't blame us for not helping her. She's the one who betrayed us, then running away. We have data and proofs. I predict that she will reminisce the old times to gain our forgiveness. It's fatal. I admit that I almost fall with that one.

I'm still unsure whether to go or not. They don't push me to join the confrontation, but I know we're stronger in numbers. I failed to convince them to cancel the meeting. However, I agree with them. I think that this is the right time to cut the ties with her.

I'll update soon if it needed.

[Fuzzybear]

I think.. cut all ties with this person.

[eskielover]

What closure will you REALLY accomplish thriugh a meeting rather than just WRITING HER OFF IN YOUR OWN MIND?

I have had lots of closure withoyt personal contact with people who have hurt me. Really it is much safer to just let things go from within.

[seesaw]

WHen you meet with her, rather than letting her start off like she did nothing wrong and start her reminiscing, I would immediately say in a very strong voice, the only reason we are here is to tell you to never contact us again. We are very hurt by what you did to us, we want nothing to do with you, we've met in person to tell you that we want nothing to do with you. We cannot help you in any way, and we do not trust you. I'm sorry if this is hurtful, but it's the way it is. Period.

Then get up and leave.

Don't even let her respond. Rip off the bandaid and throw it away.

Seesaw

[Turtle_Rider]

Thanks for all the advice.

I think you guys are right. It's better to not meet her.

My friends still insist to meet her. They want a "nice chat". In the other hand, it turned out I don't need to convince them to cancel the meeting. It seems like that manipulator tries to lure us one by one. As we're stronger in numbers, we refuse to meet her alone. She seemed afraid when we asked her to meet all of us at once.

My friends still try to trap her so she would accept the meeting. I don't think it will work. I'll update if there any plot twist.

[pegasus]

Unfortunately it sounds like this person is not going to change their behavior, people who have learnt to manipulate like that do not change their spots. I think it would be a really bad move to let this person back into your life in any way, shape or form. Be safe.

[Turtle_Rider]

A little update:

My prediction came right again. We supposed to meet last Saturday, but she canceled it for obvious reason.

But... My friends are stull wishing to meet her. At this point, I don't understand. Why the hell they want to meet her? They realize she comes with lies. They admitted they feel like playing in her drama. And yet, they willingly risk their safety just to meet her.

Worse, we severed their relationship with one friend because she decided to ignore that manipulator.

Do they still infatuate with her? Do they.... Want to be her toy again?

I run out of idea to convince them. Maybe they'll sever with me soon. I don't care anymore. If they want to be her fools again, they better don't drag me along.

[eskielover]

they better don't drag me along.

they can't drag you along IF YOU DON'T LET THEM. The POWER to protect yourself is your own.

[Turtle_Rider]

Thanks eskielover. You're right.

I just got the blame. I admit.... I sent her awful and cynical messages to drove her away. It is against their plan. I admit that I did not explain my plan to them. I did it alone and without their agreements.

In my opinion... I just save us from her drama and lies. And I'm blamed because of that.

I'm angry. I won't save them again next time. I secretly sent her farewell messages, to cut my ties with her completely. I don't want to get involved anymore. If they get into the trouble, it theirs.

It seems like I'm the one who will sever our relationships. They're still wishing me to be their 'informan' if she ever come back again. That manipulator successfully divide us.

I agree with Fuzzy on this. Cut all ties, do not meet her and do not communicate with her. Manipulators are very good at what they do.

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry this person is causing you problems with your friends. It sounds like you are the wise one....refusing contact with her. Hopefully, your friends will eventually realize the wisdom of your actions.

[Turtle_Rider]

Thanks Jennifer.

Unfortunately, it seems like they have to fall for her once again in order to understand. Probably, more than 'once again'.

[eskielover]

You can't control your friends lack of wisdom. They have to Lear OR NOT (learn) for themselves. You can do your best to explain but in the end, maybe you are better off being divided away from friends like that.

[s4ndm4n2006]

if you feel you or your friends/relatives will fall for her ploys again, you have to ask yourself if the risk is even worth it. What will you gain? Do you believe you will change her by confronting her? If not what is it that you will gain by taking this risk and again weigh the risk with the supposed benefit.

When it comes to confronting her believing it will change what she does, in most cases, that's not really what happens. People need to change on their own and it's usually not by the words or confrontations of others that typically make us change permanently or in a substantial way. In any type of behavior one needs to hit a "rock bottom" where they realize and have to face what they've done wrong and have a eureka moment that tells them strongly that change is needed. Typically this idea is used in the form of talking bout drug and alcohol addiction but really it's foundational to any major behavioral changes.

[Turtle_Rider]

^ That's what I've been thinking and explaining to them.

The problem is not in me, but on my friends. At first I thought they want to end this by confront her. As the time goes, I realize they are obsessing her! They willingly to take the risk just to meet her. They were slightly upset when I drove her away. They tried to hide it, but I can see it.

I don't know whether they secretly want her back or just want a revenge (at one point, they say that they want to catch her red-handed). I asked them why we should meet her. They gave me a "logical explanation" that more like excuses rather than an explanation.

I don't know what to do with them anymore. We're sure that she will come back again someday. So, I think I better stay away from the matter.

[s4ndm4n2006]

also let them do whatever they want, after all you cant' control them. if they choose to meet with her and get drawn back in, then you have another choice to make, being pulled into it by proxy or walk away from friends that seem to me to be very ignorant and naïve. If it's as bad as it sounds, if they go that route you might consider washing your hands of all of them.