Deliberate annoyance

Why is it that when some people find out that something upsets, annoys, or maybe even triggers us, their immediate reaction is one of these:

1. To do it right away. "My name is Ted. I wish people wouldn't call me Teddy." -- "OK, Teddy."

2. To exaggerate it. "Hi, Teddy. What's up, Teddy? How's it going, Teddy? Isn't it lovely weather today, Teddy? You look pissed, Teddy. What's the matter, Teddy?"

3. To do something so closely related, it might as well be the same thing, and then claim it's totally different. "OK, Teddy Bear."

4. To do something even worse. "OK, Ugly."

Then, of course, they laugh at Ted's frustration and annoyance. If Ted complains about it in any way, he is told he is being controlling and has no sense of humor. In the case of #3 and #4, which are *obviously* different things altogether, he just can't be satisfied and is looking for something to complain about.

I'm told it's just human nature, because people don't like being told what to do. If I say something annoys me, and the other person stops doing it, then they have given up power to me. In order to take power back for themselves, they have to do the opposite of what I asked. When I was young and still had contact with my family, a lot of them would do this kind of thing on purpose, to show me that I don't control them.

And yes, they do claim it's "just a joke."

Is it harmless human nature? Joking? Or a form of abuse?

Doing something deliberately to piss off and trigger someone I would say yes, is a form of emotional abuse, especially when it's cloaked as a joke and when someone dismisses your feelings by turning it around on you, saying there's something wrong with YOU. That also is a form of emotional abuse.

Stay away from this individual would be my advice! Screw that. Or tell them where to get off and walk away.

My experience has been that it's not an individual, but a whole group of people backing that individual, and I'm the odd person out. Which is why I had to cut off contact with most of my family.

You mention 'control' and 'controlling' several times. Decent, kind, and thoughtful people will stop calling you by a name you don't like once they realize you mean it when you say 'stop'.

I would wait until they say it the first time to say, "I don't like being called Teddy." I could not tell by what you wrote whether you are waiting or not.

Personally, I don't like it when someone tries to 'head off' ill-behavior that I never do anyway--it offends me for someone to say "please clean up after yourself" while I am making a sandwich in the kitchenette at work -- when I am not the one leaving a mess (for example).

So if you introduce yourself to me as "Ted" I'll call you Ted. Not anything else. But someone else, feeling friendly towards you, might call you Teddy or even Teddy Bear--then at that point, you can politely but firmly request they not do that. If they do try to push it, you can request they stop, once more, and do not be smiling when you make this second request while looking them in the eye.

I have tried "not reacting' to provoking behavior. Overall, I have found it just begets more provoking behavior. Bullies will bully and they are drawn like magnets to people with polite, decent behavior. What you might see as forbearance, they will see as weakness and they won't stop until you stop giving them opportunities. Stop speaking to them and start walking away.

Passive aggressive louts--male and female--are abusive. What you are describing--when it does not stop and you have asked that it be stopped -- is abuse.

This is my perspective. I hope it helps.

I presented it awkwardly. I made it sound like Ted is introducing himself to strangers by starting off with "please don't call me Teddy," and that wasn't what I was trying to illustrate. I was picturing that someone did already call him Teddy. He responds, "My name is Ted. I wish people wouldn't call me Teddy." And then it's off to the races with Teddying him to death.

I have/had numerous family members and friends that insist on calling me Chrissy .. Ugh I have always hated that name, Call me Chris or Christina. I was called Chrissy by an uncle.

I finally had enough when I hit about 12 ( i'm 50 now).. I had finally had enough and made it clear that I will no longer respond to a name I loathed.

"Most" people understood and stopped ... If someone does call me that I am very quick to inform them to QUIT that shyt.. If they continue I remove them from my life, Maybe harsh ? but I do not care.

I feel the same way. Harsh? Who cares? Cutting off contact altogether was the ONLY way I could get members of my family to stop calling me by a certain nickname that I absolutely hate. I'm 53. I've hated it since I was little, and I was always up front about hating it, but they wouldn't stop calling me that, because my feelings didn't matter. How dare I tell other people what to do? If they want to call me that, I need to shut up and quit having such a negative attitude.

I haven't been called by that nickname since cutting off contact. So if that's what it took....

What I really want to know is why people are compelled to do this kind of thing. Make it a special point to do the opposite of what we asked them to do, I mean.

It's passive aggressive stuff and you don't need people like that in your life. Some people think its clever to be disrespectful. Unfortunately family members will say things to other family members that they wouldn't necessarily say to strangers or friends. Family dynamics, say for example a sibling being jealous of the other might use this passive aggressive stuff against the other because it makes them feel powerful in some way. There can be a variety of reasons for it... being nasty for the sake of it, is just one of them.

My family routinely calls my husband by a wrong name. I mean it’s a version of his name but is neither one I call him or the one he introduces himself with plus I said its preferable he is called XYZ. They continue calling him what he doesn’t want to be called. Now he isn’t offended because my family aren’t the only people who call him that, but why ? Why not call him right name? My family sucks though. So here is your answer. People who suck would do sucky things. And it SUCKS

They seem like toxic people with abusive behaviours. I will just spend as less time as possible with them and or cut ties. Life is too short to spend it around bullies. It's a charge emotional that you would prefer to use in other areas of your life.

Thanks for clarifying. I believe these people are being deliberately provoking. And in my opinion there is no excuse for it. Walking away (cutting off contact) is the appropriate solution. And as the others said: it's a form of passive aggression.