[shakespeare47]

I've been married since 1999, and have known my wife's nephew since he was about 8 years old. He's 25 now and married. His wife had a daughter by another man before they married (my nephew didn't know the guy), while she was living in another state far away. The daughter is about 2 years old.

The situation is that my nephew's wife has accused her daughter's father of abusing her. And I'm not sure I believe her. The court system doesn't either. I just get a weird vibe from the wife and from the story she tells about her ex (not just about the abuse, but about the stories I've heard 2nd hand about him... they just don't add up, IMHO).

I've done my best to be supportive of my nephew. But, I never know how to act when my wife tells me the latest story about how the justice system just isn't getting it, and still hasn't removed the ex's visitation rights. (they've been trying to get them removed for about 2 years).

I know I'm not there. And they live far away. But my gut feeling is that something is off with my nephew's wife (and probably my nephew as well, because he is just as sure as his wife). I'm not sure if I should tell my wife about my suspicions or not. I'm leaning towards not.

[TishaBuv]

You have a lot of self control and really think things through. I'd have no qualms about blurting out my doubts to my husband. Would your wife go make drama over what you said by telling the other family?

[shakespeare47]

My wife and I did have a conversation once about how the wife's story about her past history with her ex doesn't quite make sense. My wife agreed that something wasn't quite right.

I worry that someday the court might take the daughter away from them and give sole custody to the father. I wish I could get my mind to stop working on this issue. It's not I have many details. I've spent maybe 3 hours total around my nephew's wife.

The reality is that the fact that the father still has shared custody is causing my nephew a lot of stress. And they're spending a lot of money they don't have on lawyers.

[MickeyCheeky]

What do you think it's the worst thing that could happen if you talked to your wife about your doubts?

I am torn here because I always want what's best for the children. I myself was a child whose complaints went unheard and ignored.

However, the law and courts have gotten involved. I would assume then that the child has had opportunity to be examined medically and by forensic psychiatrists and psychologists. While these can't 100% make a finding either way, the professionals can at least form an opinion. And the courts respect this. And, if there is a possibility I would think they would continue to follow it.

If you feel that you have caught the mother out on previous statements you are right to see this as a raised red flag.

Do you get involved? If it were me I wouldn't seek out a time to discuss this. However, if the topic were to come up I would be honest about my concerns.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

If you feel that you have caught the mother out on previous statements you are right to see this as a raised red flag.

Unfortunately, what I'm dealing with is 2nd and 3rd hand information coming to me from my wife. My wife told me matter-of-factly, like she believed it. But, I pointed out the inconsistencies. And she agreed that the story (this is the story the nephew's wife tells about her past relationship with her ex) has issues. I think she's giving the benefit of the doubt to her nephew's wife.

However, the law and courts have gotten involved. I would assume then that the child has had opportunity to be examined medically and by forensic psychiatrists and psychologists. While these can't 100% make a finding either way, the professionals can at least form an opinion. And the courts respect this. And, if there is a possibility I would think they would continue to follow it.

That's the way I see it. The child has been examined and interviewed multiple times. Another worry is that if anyone is abusing the child, it's her mother... Even if it's just by continuing to try and use her as a tool to make the dad look bad. If that is what is going on.

Do you get involved? If it were me I wouldn't seek out a time to discuss this. However, if the topic were to come up I would be honest about my concerns.

I like this. There is just too much I don't know.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

What do you think it's the worst thing that could happen if you talked to your wife about your doubts?

I (and the court appointed experts) could be wrong.... It could be the case that bad things are happening to the 2 year old, and no one is listening.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I (and the court appointed experts) could be wrong.... It could be the case that bad things are happening to the 2 year old, and no one is listening.

I should have said, "It could be the case that bad things are happening..., but the authorities are having a hard time believing those claims. There doesn't appear to be any (or enough?) credible evidence."

[shakespeare47]

I'll have to say that my wife is much more trusting of people.... While I am naturally suspicious. She seems to have had more good experiences with people, while I have been betrayed by people I thought I could trust.

We had a conversation once, where she told me I was cynical and suspicious of people, and I pointed out that if cynical and suspicious was on one end of the spectrum, then the other side was gullibility.

[shakespeare47]

This situation will be coming to a head soon. The biological father is suing for full custody on the grounds that my nephew’s wife is poisoning his daughter against him.

There continue to be odd discrepancies in what I know about the situation. One example: My wife tells me that the biological father is a deadbeat who doesn't even have a job. I heard someone ask my nephew about it, and he said, "he does have a job."

[shakespeare47]

The biological father didn't get full custody, but he did get more visitation rights. He will now be able to have his daughter unsupervised for a week at a time.

Here's another wrinkle... I did tell my wife about my doubts, and she took it well. But reminded me that she does talk to her sister often (the nephew's mother) and that when her sister was there once when the little girl came home from a visitation, she witnessed swelling and blood on her genitals. This was reported to the police. (I also remember talk of a pubic hair being found... but I'm not sure if this was the same incident).

I just find it hard to believe that there could be such obvious evidence, and yet not only is the guy not being charged with a crime, he is being given more visitation rights.

Another thing... my nephew's wife claims that she was date-raped by the guy, and that other women have had the same thing happen, but they're all afraid to come forward. And there was no evidence of rape, because he kidnaps these women and keeps them long enough that there could be no evidence.

I'm faced with 2 scary possibilities. Either our justice system is way out of whack (why isn't anyone prosecuting this guy?)... or my nephew married a whacko.

[shakespeare47]

I think my wife told her sister about my doubts, who told her husband, who is angry that I would have such doubts. (based on something he said to me at a get together yesterday).

[hvert]

Ugh, what an awful situation, the poor kid!

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by hvert

Ugh, what an awful situation, the poor kid!

Yeah... as far as I can tell, she actually seems to be holding up pretty well. She is so young, I don't think she understands what is going on between her biological parents (If I'm right, what is going on is the mother is continually trying to make the father look bad to the court system- I'm not sure how to explain the blood and swelling...).