[Artchic528]

I have a sis in law that I heavily clash with. She's a nutritionalist, and a classically trained gormet chef. She always tries to manage my diet without me really asking her to do so whenever she visits. She tries to get me to eat super healthy.

When she and my brother last came for Christmas, she asked around what dishes we'd like for Christmas dinner. We all told her what we wanted (stuffing was my choice) and she never actually made any of these dishes. When she does cook, she uses every pot and pan in the kitchen and then some (last time we had to buy more for her to use). And then she claims she's tired from making that elaborate meal and leaves us to clean up everything.

When I last saw her, we had a huge fight. I was tired from a day out shopping or something and just needed some time to recharge. She said I could do that after I cleaned my room up. All I needed was half an hour at the most to rest and my sis in law was acting like she was my mother and demanding that my room be cleaned right that moment. Well, I decided to go to my room and just lock the door so I could have space in my own room to gather my thoughts but she came right after me and wouldn't let me even do that. We got into a huge verbal argument and I haven't talked to her or my brother since.

Before that though, was the time my parents and I were visiting at my bother and sis in laws house. It was right after Thanksgiving and they wanted help putting up their Christmas decorations (they always have projects they put off until someone is in town and then everyone is roped into doing them). I was getting sullen about having to work putting up decorations instead of doing something fun with my brother. Mom recognized it and said to me to just go upstairs but my sis in law wouldn't have it. She wanted to have me right there, fully emotional instead of me going somewhere quiet and out of the way to cool down.

What happened? She blocked my only exit, I went into flight or fight mode and tried to get past her, knocked her down and was told by my angry parents that I needed to leave the house for a while.

Now I'm not even allowed to go and visit my own brother anymore because of my outbursts around my sis in law. I was especially upset about this because my brother got really sick last year around Christmas. He was bleeding internally and according to my sis in law, looked pale and sickly. Everyone was scared and my mom talked about flying out to be with him. I said I was going to, and she said that was the last thing my sis in law needed.

Turns out it was just some massive polyps in his colon that were causing the bleeding. We were all lucky, but what if he was dying? I couldn't go see him because it would stress out my sis in law too much? What about how I was feeling? What about me?

I love my older brother, but don't know how to deal with his wife......life sure is complicated.

[avlady]

I also have in law problems, they are controlling and even mean sometimes. My husband and I try to take it in stride, as us knowing we're not as bad as they make us out to be. I feel for you in laws are family and things should be ok for everyone, but that may just be a pipe dream.

[Artchic528]

I.....only one response?

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

I have a sis in law that I heavily clash with. She's a nutritionalist, and a classically trained gormet chef. She always tries to manage my diet without me really asking her to do so whenever she visits. She tries to get me to eat super healthy.

When she and my brother last came for Christmas, she asked around what dishes we'd like for Christmas dinner. We all told her what we wanted (stuffing was my choice) and she never actually made any of these dishes. When she does cook, she uses every pot and pan in the kitchen and then some (last time we had to buy more for her to use). And then she claims she's tired from making that elaborate meal and leaves us to clean up everything.

When I last saw her, we had a huge fight. I was tired from a day out shopping or something and just needed some time to recharge. She said I could do that after I cleaned my room up. All I needed was half an hour at the most to rest and my sis in law was acting like she was my mother and demanding that my room be cleaned right that moment. Well, I decided to go to my room and just lock the door so I could have space in my own room to gather my thoughts but she came right after me and wouldn't let me even do that. We got into a huge verbal argument and I haven't talked to her or my brother since.

Before that though, was the time my parents and I were visiting at my bother and sis in laws house. It was right after Thanksgiving and they wanted help putting up their Christmas decorations (they always have projects they put off until someone is in town and then everyone is roped into doing them). I was getting sullen about having to work putting up decorations instead of doing something fun with my brother. Mom recognized it and said to me to just go upstairs but my sis in law wouldn't have it. She wanted to have me right there, fully emotional instead of me going somewhere quiet and out of the way to cool down.

What happened? She blocked my only exit, I went into flight or fight mode and tried to get past her, knocked her down and was told by my angry parents that I needed to leave the house for a while.

Now I'm not even allowed to go and visit my own brother anymore because of my outbursts around my sis in law. I was especially upset about this because my brother got really sick last year around Christmas. He was bleeding internally and according to my sis in law, looked pale and sickly. Everyone was scared and my mom talked about flying out to be with him. I said I was going to, and she said that was the last thing my sis in law needed.

Turns out it was just some massive polyps in his colon that were causing the bleeding. We were all lucky, but what if he was dying? I couldn't go see him because it would stress out my sis in law too much? What about how I was feeling? What about me?

I love my older brother, but don't know how to deal with his wife......life sure is complicated.

I have a sister in law like that. I understand. I would get the law on her if it possible. Tell your brother since he had chose to be with someone is controlling it appear that you are out of his life for the remaining of his life. Explain you want to be a part of his life but it his wife that is a problem. He is blind by the fact that if she is able to attack you physically and mentally than he need serious help he need to get a professional help because he can't see the abuse that is going on. I had to cut my brother out because of his wife who is obsessed. It sound like she is obsessed with your brother. Your family should have told her don't ever talk to my daughter like that again. They should have tell him don't ever bring her over her again if she can't abide by how rules. That means she had no right to control what we do in our home. They should have told her to get out instead of you and they should had made her sign a document stating that she agree to certain rules or she can't be here if she choose to marry their son.

[seesaw]

In law problems put you between a rock and a hard place. I feel that my stepmother has made my father worse in his behaviors, and my brother's wife, my SIL, is a total wretch, and has turned him against his family. She misbehaves and gets away with it, while the rest of us have to walk on eggshells around her and apologize the second one of her many overly delicate feelings get hurt.

I don't know how to help you breach this gap. I lost my brother because of his wife. And I fear your brother will pick his wife over you too. That's just the way of things. You're his sister, not his mother.

Maybe try and talk to him about what has happened from your perspective and ask him if he will talk to her about leaving you alone?

Seesaw

[divine1966]

My sis in law is kind of difficult too. We don’t really fight or anything but she is hard to deal with. I understand.

[lost_in_the_sauce]

I think we all have that one inlaw that is a pain. Mine is my SIL too. She is so nosy and bossy and always jumps to conclusions. I used to just take it and not say anything for the sake of the family but then I started to speak my mind and it brought fights up with my hubs and I (it's his brothers wife so his SIL too). I will vent about her now to my husband and ignore all her behavior. What makes me the most mad is that whenever she throws a party/get together she invites you and if you plan on coming then she TELLS you that you need to bring XYZ. Now this is okay if the understanding is that it is a potluck, but when I was told I needed to bring XYZ to her childs birthday party on top of a gift I lost it and said NO MORE. I will NOT attend any more parties she has because of this. I was raised that if you hosted an event, especially a birthday party that you supplied everything and all everyone else had to do was show up and have a good time. Sounds like you SIL is wayyyy worse and I would have lost my mind by now.
Hopefully you can talk to your brother and let us all know how it goes!!!