[craftybeastie]

Hello, I am new here and I apologize if there was a better topic to place this thread in.

My boyfriend has bipolar disorder and I really need some help understanding it. We’ve had this thing for about a year now, and it’s a long distance relationship. I never knew he had bipolar until just a few months ago when he told me, honestly I wouldn’t have ever guessed he had it. He started to not message as often about 3 months ago and that’s when he told me about the disorder. He said that his doctor was changing his medication and it was making him a little depressed, so I tried to give him some space when he needed it. Well fast forward to now and we barely talk anymore, last time I talked to him was maybe a week ago and two weeks before that when I’m use to talking to him every day. Last we “talked” he said he was avoiding almost everyone, which includes me but I miss him dearly. To be honest, before I started looking into bipolar I actually thought he was trying to distance himself from me and was trying to break off what we had without confronting me. I did some research and while I found some very helpful information, I did not find anyone with the same experience as me. I’m really just looking for answers seeing as I don’t get to communicate with him much about it. In the last month and a half I think we’ve texted about 3 times.

Everyone with bipolar is different, so I can only give you advice based on my experiences. Medication changes can be very hard. There are often side effects and mood is impacted. I know when I get depressed I avoid people like the plague. I simply don't have the energy to dedicate to relationships. Its one of the flags my friends watch for.

You can't fix it for him. All you can do is let him know you're there for him and keep reaching out to him. I know I am not always easy to love, but my husband has been loving me for 14 years.

Sorry I'm not more help, but I do wish you the best.

Hello craftybeastie, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

A large part of Bipolar Disorder is depression, and a rather common part of depression is withdrawing from everyone including loved ones. It is nothing personal. However, it is not an easy thing for those loved ones to go through. All you can do is offer your support and tell them that you are there to talk if they ever need to.

If you find you are not able to handle this, it is probably best to break it off sooner rather than later. However, I imagine your boyfriend could probably use all the support he can get right now.

[craftybeastie]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

Everyone with bipolar is different, so I can only give you advice based on my experiences. Medication changes can be very hard. There are often side effects and mood is impacted. I know when I get depressed I avoid people like the plague. I simply don't have the energy to dedicate to relationships. Its one of the flags my friends watch for.

You can't fix it for him. All you can do is let him know you're there for him and keep reaching out to him. I know I am not always easy to love, but my husband has been loving me for 14 years.

Sorry I'm not more help, but I do wish you the best.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! I really appreciate it. It makes me feel a little better about the whole situation to be honest. Sometimes its hard for me because I don't have bipolar and I've never had experience with a person who has had it so I can't fully understand. Also, thank you for the add and being so kind

[craftybeastie]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Hello craftybeastie, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

A large part of Bipolar Disorder is depression, and a rather common part of depression is withdrawing from everyone including loved ones. It is nothing personal. However, it is not an easy thing for those loved ones to go through. All you can do is offer your support and tell them that you are there to talk if they ever need to.

If you find you are not able to handle this, it is probably best to break it off sooner rather than later. However, I imagine your boyfriend could probably use all the support he can get right now.

Thank you for the input! I will do some more research on depression. (I don't know how I didn't connect the dots sooner) I will let him know that I am here for him whenever he needs now. I debated the other day whether this is something I can handle if our relationship becomes more serious, but I really love him and I want to help as much as I possibly can. Also, I look forward to interacting with this community more

[seesaw]

I understand that he is going through a medication change right now, but I worry about the strength of your relationship if he is only texting or talking to you once every week. Regardless of his bipolar diagnosis, if he is disappearing on you, that means he either is not or cannot (because of the depression) commit to your relationship. If he is not able to reciprocate to fulfill your needs, maybe it is best to just be his friend right now and put your romantic relationship on hold.

Having a mental illness is no excuse for treating your loved ones poorly. He still needs to be held accountable for his "disappearing" on you.

There's nothing wrong dating someone with a mental illness, we can be very "normal," but as I said, it should not be an excuse for maltreatment of flightiness.

Good luck,

Seesaw

Originally Posted by seesaw

I understand that he is going through a medication change right now, but I worry about the strength of your relationship if he is only texting or talking to you once every week. Regardless of his bipolar diagnosis, if he is disappearing on you, that means he either is not or cannot (because of the depression) commit to your relationship. If he is not able to reciprocate to fulfill your needs, maybe it is best to just be his friend right now and put your romantic relationship on hold.

Having a mental illness is no excuse for treating your loved ones poorly. He still needs to be held accountable for his "disappearing" on you.

There's nothing wrong dating someone with a mental illness, we can be very "normal," but as I said, it should not be an excuse for maltreatment of flightiness.

Good luck,

Seesaw

When I first dated my husband I got severely depressed and ended up hospitalized. I broke up with him, moved to another city and stopped talking to him. I could not cope. 6 months later I reached out and we've been together ever since. Yes I did have to account for my actions, but we survived that. All I'm saying is you never know!

Originally Posted by craftybeastie

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! I really appreciate it. It makes me feel a little better about the whole situation to be honest. Sometimes its hard for me because I don't have bipolar and I've never had experience with a person who has had it so I can't fully understand. Also, thank you for the add and being so kind

Message me any time. I am far from perfect, but I listen well.

[tecomsin]

I also isolate when I am depressed. On the other, if the extent of your relationship is texting 3 times in the last month and a half, if that is it, then it doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship, long distance or not.

It can be painful to accept but it might be better, in terms of meeting your own needs, to move on. Long distance relationships are hard. New relationships with a depressed person are hard. Not communicating is hard on any relationship.

It might be easier on your ego to assume he has withdrawn because of bipolar but the truth may be that he has lost interest.

[craftybeastie]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I also isolate when I am depressed. On the other, if the extent of your relationship is texting 3 times in the last month and a half, if that is it, then it doesn't sound like you have much of a relationship, long distance or not.

It can be painful to accept but it might be better, in terms of meeting your own needs, to move on. Long distance relationships are hard. New relationships with a depressed person are hard. Not communicating is hard on any relationship.

It might be easier on your ego to assume he has withdrawn because of bipolar but the truth may be that he has lost interest.

I completely understand what you are saying, it makes sense. I was thinking about asking him what he wants from me. But, I was kind of afraid to because I figure maybe he is just going through a really rough time, I don't want to make it worse by putting any kind of stress on him, I guess. Would anyone have any input on this? Maybe there is a way that I can word it so that it doesn't see.. offensive? haha

Just be honest about your feelings and as kind as you can be, while still saying what needs to be said. Tell him how the lack of communication makes you feel and what you need from him. Its okay to take care of you.

[FallDuskTrain]

It is really loving of you to try to understand his illness.
May I ask? You mentioned that you have been in a long distance relationship. When was the last time you saw him and how often did you see him? I am asking to understand the depth and intamacy of your relationship; because, like Seesaw said, I do not understand how he just ‘disappeared’ on you. I understand withdrawal and isolation, I do not get why one would ‘disappear’.
I sincerely hope all works out for you.