Please I need advice and help!!! I want to understand him and his depression

So I meet my now ex boyfriend 15 months ago, we started dating and we were perfect for each other. We felt an amazing connection straight away and we booked a trip within two weeks of start dating. Everything was amazing and I'm not exaggerating, we have been best friends, sex was amazing ans also he always have been proud of me and vice versa.
My ex boyfriend used to talk with a girl before me but she lives in another continent, i always asked if he loved her and he said no but she helped him a lot. I had suspicious that they talked through our relationship but he always denied everything.
Around summer his mood started to change and I was concerned but i asked and i never got an answer. One day that girl decided to contact me, she used to made tons of false accounts just to talk with me and i never did. One day she started sending me messages with my boyfriend and i got so angry but he explained everything to me. This girl threated him to commit suicide if he didn't talk to her, i saw the conversation ans yes my boyfriend was so wrong for hide it from me. He said things to her like come on don't do that i love you... that wasn't good to see. I had a very long conversation with him about his feelings he said he didn't love her but he cares for her which i understand because he's very caring with everybody. They stopped talking but suddenly everything went downhill, he was numb, he was distant and not cold but i could feel he wasn't the same person. I thought maybe it's because he miss her?? but he always denied that. I decided to broke up with him two months ago because i was very ignorant with the situation and i never realised that he is depressed. I started looking things online and stuff and it's when i found out. We had very rough two weeks after broke up and I saw him talking to that girl and a few new girls and i got very angry....
After a few days we started spoken again until one days my friends came over for the weekend and i stopped paying attention and he started chasing me so much, he drove us so many places, he was so nice with my friends and after they left we went on dates, he asked me to go with him so i choose what clothes i want him to buy... we went on a date and he put the jumper that he bought ans i wanted to see him after that date he begged me to go to his house so he could cuddle me. We never had sex that night but the next day he went out and xame to my house saying that someone from work tried to kiss him and he felt bad and he came with me where he belongs. We had an argument as it was very confusing because i would ask if he wanted to go back but he said no and that would hurt me. we became distant again but he chased me again!!!!!
His parents went away for three days and he invited me over he seemed so happy that week but when i went to his house i found songs that he writes and one of those songs was for the girl living in another continent and also he threw away all my cute presents so I got furious and he was crying on the floor saying he doesn't mean all of that, he says he chase me because i make him feel better and he still love me but he knows he is depressed as he feels demonds. I asked him if that person threating him and he keeping everything from himself could be the cause of the depression and he said he doesn't know.
I found out he was talking with this girl like a month before we broke up and i decided to forgive him. He said since then he feels very bad, he doesn't understand how i have forgive him, he says he's worthless he doesn't deserve my love. He says that while he was doing it it was busy and didn't had rhe time to process his feelings and now that he had process his feelings he feels unworthy, ashame, guilty, etc.
Everybody around him has noticed this, even his mun has asking him if he's okay because he doesn't eat, he doesn't go to meet friends or anything. he's 26.
I have been trying to be his friend as he asked me for, at first i was demanding a relationship but i got better with time until i saw the song for that girl and i gave him an ultimatum i said he needed to choose and stuff. After those days together i became distant and he was seeking me a lot, we started talking very deeply and he reveals so many things about him. We talked about this girl and all the lies that she tells him, as she has 1000 different accounts and he doesn't even know his real name. He said that girl wants to come to study in the same university as me and i got crazy about it, he said he has told her not to come and he keeps pushing him. She plays with him by make him feel guilty about everything and he knows this. Btw we talked so deeply for days and a week ago he asked me to be in a relationship with him so i asked so many times if he was sure and he said yes. After that day we talked so much and also he drove me to work, he was going to out that night so after that night he came drunk to my home saying I'm the love of his life and there's not someone like me and he loves me so much. After that night i needed it to work so he went home but he never sais much that day, when i finished worked i called him and he was down again so I respect his space. Next day we talked and he said he couldn't be in a relationship, he loves me so much but he needs help as he's not good, he doesn't feel good because he feels guilty and unworthy on my love. I got supee angry and this was so bad as i lose my mind, my anger took over and i said so many bad things that i didn't mean. Come on we were making plans already, he said to come with my on my holiday on the new years and stuff. He bought comedy tickets to go and then he said all of this?? I was so careless in that moment and the anger took over but i didn't mean all those horrible things. I called him next day and said that i was so sorry and he said it was fine and he deserved some but not all, i agreed and i apologize 100 times, I said he knows me and I'm not like this as i have never done thwt. He said he never felt scared of someone but he felt it with me, also he said he took loads of paracetamol to try and something wrong and it was because of me.... he said it's better not to have any contact anymore.
Today was my birthday and i texted him that i miss him today and he texted happy birthday, i invited him for dinner but he denied and also said that's not the best idea for us at this point. Before today we didn't speak for 4 days and that's the maximum that we have been without speaking sinxe i met him. We have never argued like this before and he never said stop contact me before this.....
I know he has depression and I'm reading a lot about it, I'm trying to get help online how to deal wih it. I don't want to leave him alone, i know I'm good for him as he told me so many times but I know he's hurt because of what i said. My family and friends don't understand and everybody is saying he's not going to change and he's playing eith me but i know he still loves me and he cares a lot about me, i know if he wasn't depressed we would be so happy still.
Please I need advice in what to do and how can i improve my understanding and improve the situation.
Thank you so much and I'm so sorry for this long post

Hello bonita: This appears to be your first posted thread here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

You said, in your post, that your family & friends are telling your bf's not going to change & he's playing you. But you know he loves you & cares about you & you're good for him. The thing is... all of these things may well be true. Romantic relationships are complicated. It would be nice if it could be all one way or another. But it seldom, if ever, is. So what you're going to have to figure out here is whether there is enough love there (both yours & his) to insolate the two of you from the tumult that is pretty certain to follow you both as a couple, if in fact the two of you are able to get back together.

It is possible that your boyfriend will change over time. But change of this magnitude takes time. It's not something I think you can expect to see happen any time soon. And, as far as improving your understanding goes, perhaps one good way of accomplishing that would be to read a lot of posts here on PC. Over time, they will help you to develop an understanding of what people with depression experience & how to help. Oh... & speaking of how to help, here are links to 4 articles from the PsychCentral archives on how to help someone who struggles with depression:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...th-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-ways...hos-depressed/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archiv...th-depression/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...sed-loved-one/

Also... here is a link to a YouTube video by family therapist, Kati Morton, on the subject of how to help someone who is struggling with depression:



May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

Thank you so much for your reply. You're right we need to talk and how it goes. For now he is not talking to me but we are meeting tomorrow to talk... we'll see what happens. Thank you for attaching links, i really appreciate that, also thank you taking time to reply.
Take care