Trigger warning// husband's physical and sexual issues and behavior// trigger warning

I'm new here so forgive me as I'm still learning how this program works. I've come here looking for some advice and insight. I have two things that are concerning me as of late.

My husband and I have been together nearly 5 years. We have 3 kids ages 3, almost 2, and 6 months. Our intimate relationship was great at the start but lessened drastically after the birth of our first child due to my lack of sex drive and discomfort from a difficult delivery. My husband's sex drive has always been extremely high
I also have somewhat serious PTSD issues around intimacy. My husband has known about these things since the beginning of our relationship.
In the past 2 years I have found my husband pressuring me to be intimate when I'm not comfortable. I have times when I get flashbacks quite regularly and he pushes me to be intimate in those moments as well. He tries to be understanding but more often than not these days he just wants me to push past my issues to help him. I certainly would if I could but I don't yet have the tools to do so.
I have woken to him touching me, fingering me, trying to have sex with me a four times in the past 2 years. When I start to stir he will stop what he's doing and pretend to be asleep. The first few times this happened I thought maybe I was imagining things so I have actually pretended to be asleep to see if what I thought was going on was true. There was no mistaking that he was trying to be intimate while I slept and stopped the moment he thought I was waking. I have confronted him about this but it has happened since. I'm extremely uncomfortable with him doing this, especially sure you my history with sexual abuse. I have woken with bruises on my body without knowing how they came about. The bruising is on my chest, thighs, or occasionally vaginal.

The next thing that worries me is his temper. He has always had a bit of a temper. Actually got to the point of him breaking bones in his brother's body when they would fight growing up. He doesn't know his strength. Most of the time his anger is coming out in the form of yelling or cursing but there have been a few times when he has spanked our 3 year old far too hard and left big red handprints on her. The spots were hot to the touch and she couldn't sit/lay on that side of her body for the evening. He immediately feels bad about having hit her so hard but the fact that it has happened repeatedly worries me.

He and I are going through a rough patch but he keeps telling me that he'll get better. Then when I point out that many things still aren't changing in the slightest he yells at me for something and makes it my fault again or changes the subject entirely.
I want to work through our issues but at the same time I know I'm too close to the situation to know how best to move forward. He agrees that he needs counseling but refuses to actually see anything up. I'm seeing someone for myself now and then but he doesn't watch the children often enough for me to go regularly. I want the best life for my kids and I don't know what to do. I just know that things are not right.