[penguinh]

Has anyone heard of or experience a love addiction? I've been stuck in this same vicious cycle for the past 5 years, where I become infatuated with someone that I think will somehow fill this void in me. It's almost as if I feel that I would die without that person? And due to childhood trauma and attachment issues, I tend to seek out people who are emotionally unavailable so I always end up hurt. A lot of the time it is reciprocal at first but then something happens and they lose interest which hooks me even more and I'm just left pining for the person until the next infatuation comes in.

It's basically this twisted fantasy I have and every person is merely the placeholder. It's come to a point where it's just ridiculous. I am aware of my actions and how it has nothing to do with the person but emotionally, I'm still attached. It's this addiction I have to infatuation. It somehow is the only thing that fulfills me. When the infatuation dies down and I don't have contact, I begin feeling very alone and the void becomes noticeable again. No matter how hard I try, I'm so stuck on this idea that romantic love will fix me. Intellectually, I've always known that belief to be bogus but emotionally, I feel like my only meaning in life is to love and devote my all to somebody. I'm somehow not able to do it for myself.

Is the void innate? Or is it because I haven't learned to fully love myself yet? Does everyone feel a void inside? Or do neurotypicals not experience that?

[FallDuskTrain]

I do understand that void. I think we all have that void.
And, yes, I can certainly identify with the feeling of being in love with the love itself.
I had noticed it when I was a teenager and I stopped entertaining that romantic yet intensely dangerous feeling in my mid 20s. Since then I have been looking for something stable and very loving yet free of intensity.
I found this (i havent read it yet):
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/cr.../#.WkBuvCuIaEc

[penguinh]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I do understand that void. I think we all have that void.
And, yes, I can certainly identify with the feeling of being in love with the love itself.
I had noticed it when I was a teenager and I stopped entertaining that romantic yet intensely dangerous feeling in my mid 20s. Since then I have been looking for something stable and very loving yet free of intensity.
I found this (i havent read it yet):
In the Brain, Romantic Love Is Basically an Addiction

Yes! The chemical reaction in your brain/ feeling you get from limerance/ infatuation is the same as if you did cocaine. It is actually an addiction; the release of dopamine and all.

Have you found something more stable and free yet?

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by penguinh

Yes! The chemical reaction in your brain/ feeling you get from limerance/ infatuation is the same as if you did cocaine. It is actually an addiction; the release of dopamine and all.


Have you found something more stable and free yet?

No, I have not. I have been single for over a decade now. I am 40 years old.
I truly enjoy my solitude and as I said, I long passed my days of looking for that initial rush.... I am looking for a spiritual and emotional connection and a strong friendship more than anything.

[TishaBuv]

I have this condition, whatever it is. After doing lots of research, I’m still not sure what it is.

That wonderful feeling of infatuation, walking on air. When it is reciprocated it is magic. When it is not reciprocated, it can grow to obsession.

Originally Posted by penguinh

Has anyone heard of or experience a love addiction? I've been stuck in this same vicious cycle for the past 5 years, where I become infatuated with someone that I think will somehow fill this void in me. It's almost as if I feel that I would die without that person? And due to childhood trauma and attachment issues, I tend to seek out people who are emotionally unavailable so I always end up hurt. A lot of the time it is reciprocal at first but then something happens and they lose interest which hooks me even more and I'm just left pining for the person until the next infatuation comes in.

It's basically this twisted fantasy I have and every person is merely the placeholder. It's come to a point where it's just ridiculous. I am aware of my actions and how it has nothing to do with the person but emotionally, I'm still attached. It's this addiction I have to infatuation. It somehow is the only thing that fulfills me. When the infatuation dies down and I don't have contact, I begin feeling very alone and the void becomes noticeable again. No matter how hard I try, I'm so stuck on this idea that romantic love will fix me. Intellectually, I've always known that belief to be bogus but emotionally, I feel like my only meaning in life is to love and devote my all to somebody. I'm somehow not able to do it for myself.

Is the void innate? Or is it because I haven't learned to fully love myself yet? Does everyone feel a void inside? Or do neurotypicals not experience that?

I used to be this way, so I do understand it. Perhaps pick up a book for yourself on how to break love addiction. It does start with self-love and good, healthy self-care. When you feel fulfilled all on your own, you don't need love in order to feel happy inside. You can be happy all by yourself. So working on your self-love is a great step to take. It's an amazing and a wonderful first step you've taken in recognizing this within you. So the next step... embracing and learning about self-love.

(((((((hugs))))))))

Originally Posted by penguinh

Has anyone heard of or experience a love addiction? I've been stuck in this same vicious cycle for the past 5 years, where I become infatuated with someone that I think will somehow fill this void in me. It's almost as if I feel that I would die without that person? And due to childhood trauma and attachment issues, I tend to seek out people who are emotionally unavailable so I always end up hurt. A lot of the time it is reciprocal at first but then something happens and they lose interest which hooks me even more and I'm just left pining for the person until the next infatuation comes in.

It's basically this twisted fantasy I have and every person is merely the placeholder. It's come to a point where it's just ridiculous. I am aware of my actions and how it has nothing to do with the person but emotionally, I'm still attached. It's this addiction I have to infatuation. It somehow is the only thing that fulfills me. When the infatuation dies down and I don't have contact, I begin feeling very alone and the void becomes noticeable again. No matter how hard I try, I'm so stuck on this idea that romantic love will fix me. Intellectually, I've always known that belief to be bogus but emotionally, I feel like my only meaning in life is to love and devote my all to somebody. I'm somehow not able to do it for myself.

Is the void innate? Or is it because I haven't learned to fully love myself yet? Does everyone feel a void inside? Or do neurotypicals not experience that?

I can fall in love so hard the strong click is hard to let go, and it can be so intensive I find it hard to ever separate from the person. But it can be done, with great mental effort.
I believe that our "problems" are half-problems. Because on one hand, those "problems" (let's call them "traits") can cause difficulty. On the other hand, in order for us to feel good we have to fulfill ourselves as much as possible.
So what I'm saying is, you don't have to diminish your dependency, but you can also halve it.

[penguinh]

If anyone wants to read up more about love addictions, this pdf does a good job at providing an overall explanation.

http://helenmiaharris.com/wp-content...antic-Love.pdf

[TishaBuv]

I don’t think it happens to me to fill a void.

It started from...psssssssh...from as long as I can remember. I was four and played with the two boys next door and had crushed and talked about when we get married.

I can’t remember a time I didn’t have a mad crush on some boy.

When I was 12, I had an immense crush on a boy. He liked me as a friend, never initiated anything. I pined after him and he became my imaginary friend.

This lasted years. But he moved.

And so it goes from there... I just fell madly in love, from one to another.

[TishaBuv]

You say love addict, I say femme fatal!