Family Issues over the Holidays

I have made up with my family. I don’t really think I am the black sheep or feel criticized all the time— I just don’t think they treat me and my sister equally. If there’s a crisis, I’m the one they call. And my dad regularly points out (when my sister is not around) that my IQ is 30 points higher than hers. I’m the smart one; she’s the pretty and fun one. I hate having “roles”— but I’ve mended things with my dad, regardless.

What’s bothering me now is that, when I was particularly upset, I emailed a friend (who actually had been my therapist years ago; we’ve since become real friends) and her response totally missed the mark. Her response was that it was okay that I didn’t have anything worth celebrating in my life and my dad doesn’t know how to deal with emotions or how to respond to me when I’m not happy. That was not the situation at all. I had been happy and getting along well with my dad since I moved in back in July. The first and only issue we had is that my dad went out of his way to celebrate my sister’s engagement and her job offer (for a job she didn’t even take!)— but did not celebrate my book deal, my pending job offer, or anything else I’ve accomplished this year. I do value myself and affirm my own accomplishments. However, it is frustrating when someone who is supposed to be my close friend fails to see that I have any accomplishments to celebrate. I’ve gotten a lot of slack for quitting my previous job to move home and care for my dad— and, while doing that, I have not just sat there— I secured a book contract and am a finalist for an even better job (I think I’ll get a formal offer within a week or two). I’m proud of myself, which I know is enough. But it would still be nice if my dad or my friend acknowledged it, instead of saying “it’s ok that you haven’t accomplished anything like your sister.” It feels crazy-making because my sister is unemployed and living off her fiancé. How is that an accomplishment? I’m happy for her that she is doing what makes her happy— and I look forward to being her maid of honor— but I’m baffled at how my accomplishments aren’t viewed as real or her wedding is valued more than a PhD, 2 books, etc.

Yeah, I seriously don't know how they miss all your accomplishments either. Sometimes we have to just stop expecting our family to behave in ways that will make sense.