[comeintothehole]

In all my love relationships, I felt immense pleasure in seeing the heart of the person in pieces. I don't take pleasure in breaking the heart itself, but in seeing the result. Over and over again.
When I get sick of the person (which does not take too long), I am soon pushed by a force greater than I to let the person hurt.
I can't understand if this would be sadism or not.
It's stronger than me. When I see, the person is already crawling towards me.
Simeone helps me somehow.

[MickeyCheeky]

Do you see a therapist?

[magicalprince]

Sounds like sadism to me. Maybe you want other people to experience hurt as a distraction from your own hurt feelings?

That is very concerning. You need professional help with this. It is sadistic. Do you have a therapist to talk to about this?

[FallDuskTrain]

yes, your post is very concerning.
May I ask? This may sound like a cliche observation/ question but: your childhood? How was it?
Do you have the ability to feel emotional pain? If so, what triggers your emotional pain?
Have you ever been in love? More importantly, how would you define love in general terms? Is there anyone in your life that you love? A family member? Close friend?

[comeintothehole]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

yes, your post is very concerning.
May I ask? This may sound like a cliche observation/ question but: your childhood? How was it?
Do you have the ability to feel emotional pain? If so, what triggers your emotional pain?
Have you ever been in love? More importantly, how would you define love in general terms? Is there anyone in your life that you love? A family member? Close friend?

Hmm, I'd say my childhood was a little rough. I went through bad events that cause me emotional pain and embarrassment until today. Several reasons unleash this emotional pain, but some of them is the childhood traumas and the non-acceptance of my sexuality (much of it comes from another emotional pain that another person caused).
Yes, I've been (and I'm still) in love.
Love. I do not know how to describe it. This causes pain. And I like it (a bit masochistic too ??)
I think I love some people. Not many.
Thnx for your attention.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by comeintothehole

Hmm, I'd say my childhood was a little rough. I went through bad events that cause me emotional pain and embarrassment until today. Several reasons unleash this emotional pain, but some of them is the childhood traumas and the non-acceptance of my sexuality (much of it comes from another emotional pain that another person caused).

Yes, I've been (and I'm still) in love.

Love. I do not know how to describe it. This causes pain. And I like it (a bit masochistic too ??)

I think I love some people. Not many.

Thnx for your attention.

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry that you are in emotional pain.
I am here if you would like to discuss further.
Wishing you much inner peace and less emotional pain.

[winter loneliness]

"Simeone helps me somehow."

?

Yes, I know someone like you. He is a sadist. Are you thinking about hurting your therapist?

You can consciously make a choice not to pursue any more relationships for the time being, or at least until you can get some help. You cannot control how you feel, but you can choose not to hurt others.

Or maybe you don't want to stop because you don't care. Either way, don't blame your actions on your illness or feelings. Take responsibility for your own behavior.

[Open Eyes]

Sounds like you want to destroy what makes you feel the most vulnerable. Kinda kill it before it kills you syndrome and that often comes from someone who was abused or hurt by the people that were supposed to love them and help them feel safe.

[Fuzzybear]

Please consult a competent therapist.