[JoeS21]

I have a new housemate. Regrettably, I moved in with another tiny female who can't control her temper and probably gets away with it because of her size. She is rude, controlling and nasty. I mean NASTY! She not only fails to shut the bathroom door, but leaves behind messes on the seat, spits toothpaste on the faucet, hangs table placemats to dry in the shower, etc. I have a list with over 15 problems on it along these lines. The only reason I moved in with her is that it is so difficult to find inexpensive housing around here. Please let me know if you have any idea how to approach her with this list. So far, we get along, but honestly, I getting more sick of this and grossed out every day.

[Crazy Hitch]

Draw up a schedule of who cleans the bathroom up and when. Make sure you rotate. And be specific of things you expect to be cleaned in the bathroom.

Just an idea.

[hvert]

Not shutting the bathroom door when she is using the shower or toilet is pretty odd in a roommate situation.

Pick your battles, like the top few things on the list. She may counter with her own list of things you do that bother her... and I am not sure I'd let her know that you actually have a list of issues, that might make her feel like she is being monitored. I am also not sure it's realistic to expect her to change, unfortunately.

How well do you get along outside of the cleanliness stuff?

[MickeyCheeky]

Try to discuss with her, peacefully, and tell her that you both need to keep the place clean.

[seesaw]

I think there has to be some room to discuss these things rationally. The fact is, you both with each other, and so you owe to each other to be civil and agree upon the standards of the living situation.

I was in the opposing situation, where I lived an **** neat freak roommate who would not tell me when I did something that bothered her, so she would be passive aggressive and angry with me, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. She blamed me for the end of our friendship when we moved in together under a certain agreement and then she wanted to change the nature of that agreement after I moved in.

I always cleaned up after myself, but she felt I did not do it to her standards. All she had to do was let me know that I had missed cleaning some aspect of a room that she considers part of the job.

I am not a slob, but I'm also not a neat freak. She also held a double standard where it was okay for her to leave dishes in the sink overnight, but not for me. That's not acceptable.

She asked that i choose from a list of chores each week and make those my responsibility to do once a week. Well that was fine, and I agreed. But if I didn't do it in the time frame that she expected, then she would do it herself and get angry. Like if I vacuumed on Saturdays, and it was Thursday and she wanted it to be vacuumed now, instead of asking me to do it early, or waiting until Saturdays when I did weekly chores, she would do it early herself and then claim that I never did chores.

So my point is, you both have to agree to what the minimum standard is and then you have to give her the opportunity to meet it, not expect something other than the minimum standard you've agreed upon.

And um, closing the door when she's in the bathroom, yeah, deal breaker. That has nothing to do with chores, just privacy and decency. Tell her to close the door.

It may help when you approach her to say you aren't totally happy with the way house is being kept and that you'd like to get on the same page with her regarding a few issues. She will, I'm sure, bring up things that she doesn't like about you either, but try not to take that personally, if she brings something up, simply say, "okay, I am sure you have things that bother you. So let's talk about how we can compromise there too so we can be in agreement." Approach it very business like so it doesn't become a personal attack or argument.

Good luck,
Seesaw