im a serial cheater

hi im 53 male i am a serial cheater for 2 decades married. my wife lifes ruined & not doing good. shes willing to fix it . what can i do to fix the marriage im at wit end. im also a liar. have some traits of narrsisim. i really would appriaciate the help. anything to help my wife heal & fix marriage
Thank You

Admit to your indiscretions (as I think youve done). Do counselling, I would recommend both as an individual and couple. Make a serious effort to change your ways. When you lie, correct yourself. Cut all contact with the other women. Show her you want to change.

We all have our issues and make mistakes, but you are capable of changing if you want to.

Was watching "The Simpsons" once . Homer said " Marge , I'm so so sorry you found out I was lying to you "
Do you only feel regret for you indiscretions when you have been found out ? You can't keep letting your wife down , she deserves more respect than what you've given her . At the moment you know this . You may have felt like that previously but then strayed again ? You need to stop lying to yourself first and foremost . I think you should make your wife the centre of the universe and focus only on her . Remove anything in your life which has led you to look outside your marriage previously and stay away from it . Imagine what you will lose without her , not after she discovers your infidelity but before . Put yourself in her place , imagine this lady's position . If you think you need help then by all means consult someone professionally, but this is going to have to be 99% about who you want to be remembered as a husband .
You sound like your at a low ebb . This is a good place to start to make amends if possible . Rebuild yourself to be the man you want her to believe you are . As you can imagine , many will wonder why she continues to accept your conduct ...including myself to be honest , but having said that , there must be things about you which she believes are good or she wouldn't be prepared to put up with the humiliation and betrayal she must be feeling . you are either going to have to change , or have the honour to ensure your wife is financially secure and leave . Either way it must be about respect for her which drives you . Remember Homer . Do you want to be remorseful , or do you want to be remoresful because she found out .

The INLY way to fix it is for yiu ti change. If yiu TRULY have the desire to change & are willing ti to the hard work it takes in therapy for yourself first. Then if successful & your marriage is still in existance & you have PROVED you have changed to your wife then couples counselling is the next step to wirk on fixung the damage you have done to the marriage & work on rebuilding trust.

If yiu have no desire to really change don't waste any more of your wifes time & life. Let her go if you aren't willing to do the work it takea to change.

EVERYONE is capable of change but it only happens if the desire is great enough. Hope you are willing to do this for your wife & marriage.

Why do you want to help her?

Hello garylawn: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Here are links to some articles from PsychCentral's archives that may be of some interest:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...om-infidelity/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/to-hea...-relationship/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-esse...rom-an-affair/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...om-infidelity/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/can-yo...vive-cheating/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/heali...-have-affairs/

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Good post.

Admit your errors

Counselling

As said, cut ALL contact with the other women. And show your wife you want to change.

(My paternal unit had similar traits but didn’t wish to change)

I wish you well.

i think once a cheater and womanizer is very difficult to mend way of life. i cheat on boyfriend often then cry sadness. but then someone is affectionate to me and do it again

my T work me much but no success yet. i wish you better success than me

Can I ask you something? If you are aware of it, then why do you still do it?

Your wife had nothing to “ fix” I don’t understand your wording ? Maybe you meant she’s willing to stay in the marriage ! But whatever,

Only you can change you.

What is your motivation this time to not cheat ?

I hope your wife is seeing a Therapist to help her manage all this emotional turmoil you are putting her through.

You also need a Therapist to help you discover what drives your inability to be faithful. Life long cheating is going to be very hard to stop falling back into.

I wish you luck on becoming a good faithful husband.

Why not just break up with your BF since yiu aren't married. That would give you the freedom to date whoever shows affection to you & you wouldn't be cheating on anyone?

That boyfriend is married himself. Although maybe it’s a different one

I just had to break up with someone who is a serial cheater. He admitted to it, but doesn't seem willing to want to change, or doesn't think he CAN change.

Like others have said, you must commit to changing 100%. Get into therapy and address the root cause of the problem. Be honest from here on out with your wife. Perhaps do couples counseling together to help heal the wounds. Cheating leaves deep wounds and mistrust. You will need to build up trust again with your wife, and that begins with being honest, ceasing all contact with other women that are tempting to you, and committing to change.