I think I'm separating from my wife

My marriage is not good. I lost trust. She lost her wanting to work it out. She is also a heroine addict. I want to help her and be with her but she doesn't seem to want it o and is totally focused on her rehab right now and she says she can't focus on us. I understand she needs to get better but I feel like I'm just sitting here waiting and I don't know what to do. She also cheated on me while she was in rehab. I found love letter saying she kissed another man. She says cause we haven't been doing good and she was with drawing and she was sorry. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I don't want to. I'm lonely,lost,angry, depressed. I don't know what to do. I need to talk to someone

Sometimes, deciding to wait before acting is the best course of action. Your wife's heroine addiction is a huge stress on the both of you. Right now she is focused on rehab. That is not a good reason for her to ignore her marriage, but maybe you could let some time go by. All that you are feeling is understandable. I am in a long relationship with a man who used to drink heavily. It does get confusing when you care about someone with a problem that seems to wreck everything.

Al-Anon helped me. Perhaps there is something similar you could tap into. If she said she was sorry, I would tend to take that on face value. She probably is sorry. My guy used to express remorse a great deal. It seemed very genuine. But it doesn't make everything all better.

Here is a link to Narc-Anon: Nar-Anon Family Groups. Check out what meetings might be in your area. One of the things that life has taught me is that just about any problem you could ever have has been experienced by others. Connecting with others who have experienced what you are going through can do a lot to ease the loneliness. Of course, sharing on PC is fine. I encourage you to continue. Get all the support that you can find.

Maybe your marriage is salvageable . . . or not. I can't say. I do know that trust can be rebuilt. There was a time when I wouldn't leave my wallet where my guy could easily get at it. Now I have no such concern. I've seen couples recover from infidelity also. That doesn't guarantee that all your proems can be patched up. For one thing, your wife has to work with you. Her recovery can't be an excuse to totally neglect you. She can't just put the marriage on a shelf to sit there, until she gets around to dealing with it. You are a person too. You have needs. That has to be acknowledged, even if you two are willing to prioritize her getting clean. Programs of recovery generally involve "making amends to those who have been harmed," which would be you, for instance.

Most recovering substance abusers that I have known, or known of, tend to be very grateful for those who have stood by them. Usually, they will acknowledge that they gave their partners ample reason to walk away. I think you are badly in need of some recognition of all that you have endured. Your wife very much owes you that, though it may be hard for her to express. No one can go on and on being taken for granted.

Is your wife involved in a formal program of recovery? If so, ask her to look into helping you connect with any family support that the program offers. Perhaps you can meet some family members of her peers in the program. You count too. Tell her that. Tell her that has to matter, if she wants the marriage to continue.

Try to get some literature from Narc-Anon. I know Al-Anon specifically addresses this issue (of relationship neglect and betrayal.) I would guess that Narc-Anon does similarly. It might comfort you. Meanwhile, practice self-care as best you can.

Let us know how you're making out.