[ajisalone]

I feel ridiculously out of place to the point where Im living inside my own head. I feel like I’m going insane.

In the real world I come off as weird, stupid, ignorant, rude. I mean no harm, but it’s like there’s a loss of translation between my brain and how i say things/ what i say. I seem to either take things too far or say nothing at all. I’ve never had a friend and i’m not close to family. This is due to the fact that my opinions of people change frequently. I get bored easily in conversation, and if something is said that i don’t like, i get frustrated easily.

It’s wasn’t till a year ago that i noticed my behavior. Well. People pointed out to me that I rock in my seat a lot and that i’m too over the top. i don’t understand how people manage their emotions so well. Especially when they’re stimulated by convo.

Anyway lately things have gotten weird. Just got in college. It seems like unless i’m watching something or listening to music, i can’t ‘calm down’. I actually begin to mumble to myself and play out my social interactions i had over and over in my head. It’s so annoying.

I’ll be just sitting there repeating a phrase unintentionally under my breath. If i feel strongly about it, i make weird facial expressions or move my hands in a weird way (counting seems to be a prevalent one). I feel like i’m going crazy.

[ajisalone]

I didn’t realize it was so long. I doubt anyone will read it sorry :\ I just wanted to be thurough. If anyone has an idea of what’s going on with me, or what i should do about it, pls don’t be afraid to say anything. thank you.

Hi. I rock in my seat a lot too. For me, it think that it's a self-calming thing.

Are you being treated for anything? I reread your post and then went to read up on rocking. It might be related to OCD. Your repeating of phrases and counting are signs of OCD.

Hi Ajisalone. I don't have answers as to what is going on with you. I don't know. But I think seeing a doctor or psychologist would be a really good idea. Someone who can help and diagnose. I just want to give you a hug, so here. What you are going through sounds really hard. It sounds to me that you are going through some really difficult emotions brought on, partly, by being social. Is that right? Is the transition to college making it harder would you say? I am so sorry you are going through a hard time.

[ajisalone]

Thank you.
I'm not being treated for anything. I don't rock anymore surprisingly. I guess it might be OCD, since it seems to be after every social situation, and I think about it a lot. I don't exactly "count" but it's more like a counting motion with my fingers when I feel overwhelmed.

@starrysky The transition to college actually wasn't that difficult. I didn't miss my family and adjusted fairly well. But then I began avoiding my room to avoid my roommate, and people began to stop liking me because of my bad social skills. I would say socially it's harder because I'm more surrounded by people now, while in high school I could just go home everyday.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are struggling. What you describe might be a variety of things. Have you talked to and described your symptoms to a professional? It sounds like possibly OSD symptoms and/or Tourettes (involuntarily moving etc).

Just saw your post about not being treated. Hmm counting motions with your fingers... also weird facial expressions...my husband does it as one if his ticks. Do talk to a professional

[ajisalone]

Tics seem to be more constant right? But mine only seem to happen after social situations. Or thinking about past and/or imaginary social situations. Its like the thing I do changes almost each. Today I found myself snapping my fingers to calm myself from it, also humming. I catch myself and am able to stop though.

Thanks. I'm gonna try and make an appointment today actually. Hopefully my insurance covers it. What sucks is they need to call either my grandma or mom bc i'm under 18...It's mostly whats holding me back. My grandma denies my problems (even growing up) and I'm not close to my mother (and it's her insurance).

[AngryWithDogs]

Hey I don't rock in my seat or anything like that, but I tend to sort of re-live social encounters as well. I play them over and over in my head imagining if I had said or done different things and what those outcomes might be. My "episodes" I guess you could call them only really happen when i'm extremely angry. I always try to keep control over myself and hold back as not to burn bridges or permanently destroy some kind of relationship, but in my head I always imagine destroying them and never seeing or dealing with that person again. Sometimes when i'm day dreaming or just planning or thinking about things, i'll have conversations with myself like i'm talking to another person. Usually I do this just because it seems to help me clarify what i'm thinking about and lets me be more creative than just thinking internally.