Boyfriend Wants a Tattoo on his Face. Doesn't Really Respect my Opinions

Middlemarcher · Mar 05, 2018, 11:03 AM

While I agree with the folks who say it’s his body and he can do what he wants with it, I also think that with that may come consequences— like being extremely limited in employment opportunities, and perhaps losing his partner. I would not stay with someone who would limit his job prospects in this way.

If there is one thing I could go back and tell my younger self, it’s that money matters when it comes to a relationship, and it’s not materialistic to want a partner who reliably contributes financially to the household. I don’t require a partner to support me, or even to make an equal amount to what I do; unexpected things like layoffs or illness may happen. But I would never again get into a relationship with someone who is frequently without a job.

Talthybius · 12:13 PM

This is not about me. I would probably hire someone with a tattoo or a body modification, if they are the right candidate.

I am just arguing against the idea that it is wrong for people to have a stigma against people with tattoo's. There is no denying the stigma is there. That what that stigma exactly is is debatable and changing, of course. There is no denying that in general, people who get a tattoo want the tattoo to be seen and want people to get a different first impression of them than they would have had without the tattoo.

Saying that people get a tattoo 'because they love birds' is absurd. They get a tattoo because they get a tattoo. That the tattoo is then a bird, that may be because they love birds.

If the OP came here and said 'I love it that my BF is getting a facial tattoo', I wouldn't be saying what I am saying.

Pick someone else. Pick someone boring unexciting.

So in that sense, yes. I fully agree with the OP/kuro92. You should be bothered by this. So now when I do happen to agree with the OP asking advice, I am still not being helpful?

Furthermore, this isn't about young vs old or liberal vs conservative. Yes, the Americans are conservative, even if they are from California (read up what a generalization is before you start complaining about a generalization; it is supposed to generalize).

This is about rationality vs emotionality.

*Laurie* · 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Talthybius

...There is no denying that in general, people who get a tattoo want the tattoo to be seen and want people to get a different first impression of them than they would have had without the tattoo.

I can't speak for everyone who has a tattoo, but for me you are completely incorrect. I would have, and enjoy, my tattoos even if I were never to see another person again. All of my tattoos are visible to me because I like seeing them and enjoying the art work.

Saying that people get a tattoo 'because they love birds' is absurd. They get a tattoo because they get a tattoo. That the tattoo is then a bird, that may be because they love birds.

This is incredibly narrow-minded and ignorant. You just don't "get it".

Pick someone else. Pick someone boring unexciting.

??? So...people who have tattoos are exciting, hmm? Interesting, considering everything you've posted.

So in that sense, yes. I fully agree with the OP/kuro92. You should be bothered by this. So now when I do happen to agree with the OP asking advice, I am still not being helpful?

It's not helpful to anyone that you've made judgmental generalizations about tattoos and people who have tattoos. That had nothing to do with the OP's question. Her question is about her relationship and about the guy she's with, not about tattoos. Again, you just don't "get it".

Furthermore, this isn't about young vs old or liberal vs conservative. Yes, the Americans are conservative, even if they are from California (read up what a generalization is before you start complaining about a generalization; it is supposed to generalize).

"The Americans" are conservative, even from California?

Upon what are you basing this ridiculous statement? Who, exactly, are "the Americans"? I'd like a link to your statement, please. Is it from The Onion?

This is about rationality vs emotionality.

Do you hate art? Have you ever created anything?

At this point I would like to hear from kuro92. She has not visited this thread in, what...a week? As far as I'm concerned, until she does comment on this thread it is over and done. All this thread is doing is exposing the ignorance of several dull-minded people who stigmatize others. There are, unfortunately, a number of individuals who have posted on this thread that I would not like to have as friends.

Artchic528 · Mar 05, 2018, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Talthybius

Out of all the men in the world, why would you select one that wants a tattoo in his face? What is a rational reason to get a tattoo anyway, period? The only reason is if you are a professional athlete or artist and you want it as part of your image/intimidation factor/insecurity fixer.

And for sure, if you are in a healthy relationship any big decision you want to make you try to get the support of your significant other. I would be hugely disrespected if my partner suddenly got a tattoo without mentioning it. It wouldn't be better if they got a tattoo despite my objections. But I think I wouldn't like the type of girl that likes getting tattoos anyway. To me, people that get a tattoo are inferior people.

But then again, I haven't been in a position where I was wrong in judging the most important person in my life. So that is easy for me to say.

My mother and her sister both got tattoos for sentimental reasons. Mostly to commemorate the passing of their parents. Does that make them 'inferior"?

Artchic528 · Mar 05, 2018, 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Talthybius

This is not about me. I would probably hire someone with a tattoo or a body modification, if they are the right candidate.

I am just arguing against the idea that it is wrong for people to have a stigma against people with tattoo's. There is no denying the stigma is there. That what that stigma exactly is is debatable and changing, of course. There is no denying that in general, people who get a tattoo want the tattoo to be seen and want people to get a different first impression of them than they would have had without the tattoo.

Saying that people get a tattoo 'because they love birds' is absurd. They get a tattoo because they get a tattoo. That the tattoo is then a bird, that may be because they love birds.

If the OP came here and said 'I love it that my BF is getting a facial tattoo', I wouldn't be saying what I am saying.

Pick someone else. Pick someone boring unexciting.

So in that sense, yes. I fully agree with the OP/kuro92. You should be bothered by this. So now when I do happen to agree with the OP asking advice, I am still not being helpful?

Furthermore, this isn't about young vs old or liberal vs conservative. Yes, the Americans are conservative, even if they are from California (read up what a generalization is before you start complaining about a generalization; it is supposed to generalize).

This is about rationality vs emotionality.

Um...My mom got a tattoo of birds because she loves birds...not tattoos in general. She also got her tattoo because she wanted to commemorate the passing of her parents. She keeps it covered for the most part, and doesn't "use" it to draw attention to herself. She is actually the complete opposite of attention seeking, if there is such a word for that.

Bill3 · Mar 05, 2018, 08:10 PM

On this topic, as with most areas of human behavior, there is a wide range of healthy behaviors. Just as with most other human behaviors, it is a mistake to use a broad, unnuanced brush to criticize and condemn.

WhatsNextNow · Mar 05, 2018, 11:16 PM

He gets to have ink over every inch of his body, and at the same time, he needs to stop goading her and whining about it. Either do it or shut up. Oy.

wolfgaze · Mar 06, 2018, 04:01 PM

Tell him no one in the history of humankind has ever observed someone with a neck and/or face tattoo and said, "Wow that looks good/cool/nice!"...

*Laurie* · Mar 07, 2018, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Tell him no one in the history of humankind has ever observed someone with a neck and/or face tattoo and said, "Wow that looks good/cool/nice!"...

You are wrong. How many facial tattoos have you seen? It sounds like either you haven't, or you've seen bad ones.

I know plenty of people who like and admire facial tattoos IF they are artistically and carefully done. I have been thinking about getting some kind of small facial tattoo for years because I really like them.

Monkey1111 · Mar 07, 2018, 02:24 PM

Tattoos can be very appealing. I don't have any and have no plans of getting one, but I would strongly consider it if there was a specific thing that had that sort of lifelong meaning to me. I'll also say that a face tattoo is a huge and life altering decision, and it could be a disastrous one. Unlike other tattoos, ones on the face have a serious social stigma, and it could really upend his life. Especially since he's looking for work. Even the neck one would likely cause many employers to be less likely to hire him, but the face tat would seriously restrict his job opportunities. A lot of artists don't even do face tattoos.

If I were with someone who went out and got a face/neck tattoo, I would respect their decision as it would obviously be up to them not me and wouldn't leave them over it or anything. I would be upset about it though. But if they attempted to control ANYTHING about my personal choices I would be completely not okay with it. The fact that he is trying to control the tattoos that you get is the real issue here, especially as he's knowingly doing something you're not fond of. It's his body, but he has no right to try to tell you what to do if he's going to do this.

Just out of curiosity, what is he planning to get a face tattoo of? Hopefully, at least it's something with artistic value and not just something devoid of personal meaning and done for the 'shock value' of having a face tattoo.

Open Eyes · Mar 07, 2018, 02:41 PM

I can understand how the OP does "not" want her bf to get a tatoo on his face. She most likely loves to see his face and the thought of him covering that with a tatoo upsets her. Facial recognition is something we begin to develop strong feelings about so early in our very lives. Often there are things we see in another person's face that we can get so much comfort from and it can be deeply upsetting to have that covered or changed or somehow "hidden". This is why people can have an uncomfortable feeling with facial tatoos even when it comes to getting a job, it's just that a lot of people "do" get uncomfortable when they see something "hiding or distorting" on the human face. We are designed to respond to the human face which is why we often see faces in clouds or foam or in knots on trees etc. It's not surprising there have been some strong responses in this thread, some people can be very sensitive when it comes to thinking about changing the face. Try to be understanding about that because it really can be upsetting to certain people, it's a very normal human response tbh.

Onyx999 · Mar 07, 2018, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kuro92

We're both 25 and been together for 4 yrs. I don't have a problem with tattoos (he got 6 on his arms since we've been together) as long as it's not excessive. He even promised me he wouldn't get anymore after getting a very large one on his arm. But, he's been arguing with me for the past several months on and off over getting a tattoo on his face and throat. I told him how I'm not too comfortable with him getting it in those spots and have been pleading with him to get it anywhere else. At first I asked him if he can keep his tattoos to arms only, but compromised to anywhere else, but face/throat. I should also mention he's in between jobs and looking for one right now who I feel will make it so much harder for his job hunting.

He's so deadest on it and I found out today he made a consultation for tomorrow. I'm pretty hurt that he did this behind my back, especially since we've been arguing about it so much lately. He always apologized after we argue and even at times he told me he decided to get it elsewhere, but just goes right back to wanting it again and arguing. I sometimes feel like he just likes arguing for the sake of arguing. He will drag an argument about this right when I get home from a long day of work for hours! His mom is also against it.

I completely understand it's his body, but what's bothering me is that he asks me if it's okay first and when I tell him I'm uncomfortable about it, he'll just basically keep whining about how he wants it and even went as far to say my opinions/reasons against it were stupid. What's really irking me is that there have been so many times that I've wanted to do certain things (cosmetic included) and he told me he was uncomfortable with it and would prefer I didn't. One of those was even about a small tattoo that he told me he preferred I chose a different spot to get it done. Each time I've respected him and agreed right away to his wishes or at least compromised because I would never want to make him uncomfortable. We live together and plan to get married so I feel it's very hurtful that he can't even do the same for me and respect my wishes especially since I've compromised with him. Instead he keeps basically whining about it for hours thinking I'll give in. It's not really even about the tattoo so much at this point. It's more that I feel like I'm willing to constantly respect him when it comes to making sure he's comfortable or compromise in this relationship, but he's not doing that with me. I've tried to explain that to him, but he keeps insisting it's not a big deal and not really acknowledging a lot of things I've sacrificed for him. At the end today after a big argument I told him to just do whatever he wanted, but I would be upset. He's still trying to fully convince me and I'm getting honestly tired of this. Any advice ):?

I'm going to give you a different perspective from someone older. I'm 49, and back when my generation was younger, tattoos were just becoming acceptable for the society in general. We still took some flak from older folks (Boomers and the Silent Generation) but we kept things pretty moderate. Those of us from middle class households got tattoos but only where they could NOT be seen during a job interview. So no face tats, no finger tats and definitely no neck tats.

I understand that the younger generation moves society forward and they should. Its your job to do just that. However, I would approach your boyfriend from the economic perspective. Tell him, you realize it's his body and ultimately his decision. He's a grown man. He does need to understand that being an adult comes with responsibilities that you handle BEFORE you have fun. If you don't have a job, that isn't the time to get neck and face tattoos. And if he hasn't settled into his career path yet (either a trade or while collar work), he should consider waiting on those kinds of tats until he is settled in to steady employment.

If he insists upon getting his ink before getting a job, I think that's a sign to you. If you're with someone who doesn't think ahead, that is not the person you want to build a life with. You're both young and still discovering who you are.

*Laurie* · Mar 07, 2018, 07:01 PM

[QUOTE=Monkey1111;6044451] ...A lot of artists don't even do face tattoos.

Some artists won't do facial tattoos because they tend to be very difficult to do aftercare for and they can heal badly due to the type of skin on the human face. For the same reason, most artists won't tattoo the palms of hands. There are a few who won't tattoo hands at all, again, for the same reasons - aftercare, potential healing issues, and potential fading. I recently had some ink done on my fingers and it's taking a lot of very, very careful aftercare to protect the work while it heals.
There is a persistent rumor that artists won't tattoo certain parts of the body for ethical reasons, when really the reasons are about the biology of human skin. It must come from the same rumor bin that says tattoos are excruciatingly painful (not true).

If I were with someone who went out and got a face/neck tattoo, I would respect their decision as it would obviously be up to them not me and wouldn't leave them over it or anything. I would be upset about it though. But if they attempted to control ANYTHING about my personal choices I would be completely not okay with it.

Good point. So, in essence, the whole thing is a power issue.

The fact that he is trying to control the tattoos that you get is the real issue here, especially as he's knowingly doing something you're not fond of. It's his body, but he has no right to try to tell you what to do if he's going to do this.

I'm confused. He's not trying to control her; she's trying to control what he does.

Just out of curiosity, what is he planning to get a face tattoo of?

That's a really good question. I sure wish the OP would come back to this thread and answer it. /QUOTE]

*Laurie* · Mar 07, 2018, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Onyx999

I'm going to give you a different perspective from someone older. I'm 49, and back when my generation was younger, tattoos were just becoming acceptable for the society in general. We still took some flak from older folks (Boomers and the Silent Generation) but we kept things pretty moderate. Those of us from middle class households got tattoos but only where they could NOT be seen during a job interview. So no face tats, no finger tats and definitely no neck tats.

I understand that the younger generation moves society forward and they should. Its your job to do just that. However, I would approach your boyfriend from the economic perspective. Tell him, you realize it's his body and ultimately his decision. He's a grown man. He does need to understand that being an adult comes with responsibilities that you handle BEFORE you have fun. If you don't have a job, that isn't the time to get neck and face tattoos. And if he hasn't settled into his career path yet (either a trade or while collar work), he should consider waiting on those kinds of tats until he is settled in to steady employment.

If he insists upon getting his ink before getting a job, I think that's a sign to you. If you're with someone who doesn't think ahead, that is not the person you want to build a life with. You're both young and still discovering who you are.

I think you've made some thoughtful points. I'm 55 and got my first tattoo when I was 41. I had raised my children and was in a secure job situation in which tattoos were actually beneficial to the job.

Monkey1111 · Mar 07, 2018, 07:39 PM

[QUOTE=*Laurie*;6044763]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monkey1111

That's a really good question. I sure wish the OP would come back to this thread and answer it. /QUOTE]

I'll add that I would be particularly concerned about the whole thing if he was planning to get a teardrop or anything else that a misinformed person could potentially believe is exclusively associated with gangs and prison. Not only would this seriously restrict his job search even more than another type of face tattoo, but it could result in mistaken assumptions about his past. For instance, a lot of people either believe that a teardrop means that the wearer is a murderer or believes that it is invariably associated with gangs. While these can be meanings of a teardrop, it could also signify loss of a loved one. However, many people do not know this and would end up believing that he's someone to be truly afraid of and cause him to suffer from a huge amount of social ostracism. Worst case scenario, misinformed people may come to these alarming conclusions and inadvertently cause false rumors about him to circulate.

In fact, I remember a friend of mine (who has a full sleeve of tattoos by the way and also several large chest tats as well) saw a guy with a teardrop tattoo and kept saying things about "watch out for that guy, he's got a teardrop...... it means that guy's a murderer". And this is a guy who is very into body art and getting new tattoos. Yet even he held this misconception about the symbolism of it. Unfortunately, there are many people who get this tattoo to symbolize something like the loss of a loved one....... and essentially get caught up in these horrible misconceptions and rumors about them. It really must be a disaster for the unfortunate people who get that intending to express grievance of a loved one....... only to find that some people mistake them for someone who committed murder.

~Christina · Mar 07, 2018, 07:53 PM

I think the OP has left their own thread because of so much negativity. Can’t say as I blame her

*Laurie* · Mar 07, 2018, 09:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I think the OP has left their own thread because of so much negativity. Can’t say as I blame her

The last time she logged into PC was 2/28. This thread has gone long past that date.

~Christina · Mar 07, 2018, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

The last time she logged into PC was 2/28. This thread has gone long past that date.

Yes. Sad that it went to shyt so fast

*Laurie* · Mar 08, 2018, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yes. Sad that it went to shyt so fast

Definitely.

I've learned a lot from this thread and not much of what I've learned is good.

Mar 08, 2018, 01:20 PM

I suppose I can understand the frustration, the grief, and even the fear about this.

I am financially dependent upon my own boyfriend and if he told me one day he was going to tattoo his face I would panic. Let's face it, doing such a thing to your appearance could affect his ability to hold down or procure a job. Such an action thus would ultimately jeopardize my own stability. If he lost his job would we lose the apartment, etc? Gosh, I would be so upset about what it would mean for my own future - not to mention questioning the motive for doing so.

Motive - is this the sort of person she really wants to be with? Does her boyfriend then reflect her own vision and ideals? Again, were boyfriend to announce this to me I would also be in a panic about the very fabric holding the relationship together.

Still, this comes down to his decision. She can advise him of her concerns all she likes but it is for him alone to decide on.

The question then is whether she can live with the changes that no doubt will ultimately affect her own life.

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