[Icedgem]

I was married for over 10 years. The entire relationship my mum always welcomed my ex with wide open arms. She adored him.

When we separated and finally divorced she had an extremely difficult time accepting this. She always begged me to work at my marriage and fix it and always questioned if I thought I was doing the right thing. I made it absolutely clear that I no longer wanted to be married to him.
She always said she would help me and be there for me if I needed her but unfortunately she never was.

I have a new partner who has met my family and everyone has welcomed him and it's been great apart from my mum. She just shows no interest in him at all. I noticed this from the very first meeting. She never asks about him or speaks to him when we are together.
My partner asked me today if she likes him. I said yes but in all honesty I don't know. I think she is finding it hard to accept a new man in my life.

I have tried on numerous occasions to address this with her but she always makes me feel so bad for bringing it up. She gets upset and it ends with her being mad at me for making her upset. This is confusing for me. She says things such as 'what do you want me to do, ask his life story?' well... In a way...YES! Id love for her to express an interest in HIM.

At the beginning of our relationship she always asked me if I thought it was 'weird' he had never been married and didn't have his own children. He lived with his ex and HER children so she says thing such as 'i bet he really misses those children, such a shame'

We have a small family lunch in a few weeks (mum's side, her cousins etc) she said she'd love me to come 'but just family' implying just me. Not him.

His work is pretty demanding and sometimes we don't see each other as often as we like but we still make it work. Mum will say 'i couldn't be with a man who didn't have time for me' or 'if he's not seeing you maybe he's seeing someone else's

Her comments are rude and mean. But again, if I say anything I'm always the bad guy as j make her feel bad for being upset by her passing 'joke' and I'm too sensitive

Someone please help me understand!

[healingme4me]

I'm not sure that I understand her behavior surrounding this, myself? It does seem hurtful that when you need and want her support that she's not giving it the way you desire. And seems more hurtful that it winds up in an argument. It doesn't make sense that supporting you is contingent on who you are involved with.

It does sound like she has reservations about him. Perhaps valid to her?

How long ago did you divorce? Are there children involved that would give her pause to be accepting? How long together have you been with your new partner? Does she need more time to adjust to his presence?

What about your father? Is he still in the picture? Did he work a lot of hours? How is/was their marriage?

Don't mean to appear prying with so many questions, I am trying to understand where your mother is coming from.