People doing stuff they say they wouldn't do to you

I agree with you. I learned all that through experience. And I will read that article, thanks for sharing it.

hmmmm, this brings a different light to the situation. The work example you gave above, in other words a friend canceling on you, is horse of a different color. When people cancel on me, I don't need to know the reason because it is personal. I am fine if they choose to hide the truth or make up a reason. There maybe numerous reasons as to why a friend cancels on me and I never take it personal because it usually has nothing to do with me. My friend might be going through a relationship crisis, or may need to see a doctor, or may be too depressed to get out of bed...
In all honesty, if I am going to see my doctor, or go to my chemo treatment, or if I am too depressed to get out of bed, I am not going to share the real reason with anyone because the real reason is personal and I am under no obligation to say "i am very depressed. I cannot get out of bed." In fact, instead, I lie and say that I have to work.
So, in summary, you may want to consider that your friend may be going through a difficult time (the reason does not matter) and is not able to share her time and space while struggling with her personal problem. Please try to not take it personally because there is a good chance that it is nothing against you.
Also, one more brief thing to add: every person has a different capacity and definition for friendship and we cannot expect them to fit to our definition of a friend. Every friend is a different treasure and has something else to offer. If we expect them to fit into our own check list, we would end up being very alone (I am not saying that you are doing this. I am saying it because I made the mistakes of expecting too much from my friends. It was my fault). Friendships require flexibility and tolerance as much as they require love and honesty.

Wow. I’m sorry you had to deal with these kind of people. I’ve had people do those same things. That is horrible. I had a friend only talk to me when it was just me and her. Sometimes she would even invite me over to her house and church. But as soon as we would be in our group setting of like three other friends, I was nothing to her. She eventually apologized and admitted she treated me horribly and was a bad friend and has treated me better since but I still don’t fully trust her even though we are just on good terms casually. I know she could easily revert back to her old ways again. If she does, she is out for good this time, no more second chances, which is something I do too often.

Two orher friends, from the same friend group, talked bad about each other after I agraduated and would go back to visit. The first one would claim second friend was talking about me and saying I need to stop visiting because I am annoying and clingy even though I wasn’t. I would confront second friend and that friend would say it was false and that the first friend was really the one doing the backstabbing and didn’t want me visiting. I stopped talking to both of them. If they didn’t want me to visit, they should have said something. They also complained sbout each other a lot too. One friend cut me off because she didn’t really like me and I believe only talked to me out of boredom. The other one I stopped talking to because he gossips too much.

Wow, that's terrible. Those two friends sound very toxic. It's sad that we have to put up with so many different kinds of bad friends isn't it? It's exhausting and a huge waste of our valuable time.

Those two friends should have respected you enough to be honest with you. Unfortunately, we can't rely on other people to treat us the way we treat others with respect.

I understand what you mean. I can see how depression can cause someone to do that. The only reason why I wonder if she is being flaky or not is because she does it when there is no real reason to. She just simply, out of the blue, decides to cancel like it is no big deal even if the person inconvenienced themselves by traveling some distance to meet up only to find out that plans were cancelled. It has happened to me too. I've wasted money due to that. I respected the fact that she probably just didn't feel like hanging out, but at the same time, felt annoyed that she waited until the last minute to do so. At the very least, if a person really just doesn't want to hang out, then they should say so in advance rather than at the last minute.

Doing so at the last minute gives off the impression that the person who bailed out is really not interested and could care less about the friend they bailed on, especially if something better comes up. I respect that if depression is the case, I've been there myself, but at times it seems some people just do it just because they feel like it. But I understand what you mean though, it may be tough to tell some people the truth and yes I also agree that setting expectations that are too high can cause you to be alone. I never have done that but I've seen other people do it. If someone bails ahead of time, I am glad they told me sooner rather than later, regardless if they had a legit reason or if they just simply didn't feel like hanging out.

I feel people do things to me and not to others. In hospitals I feel I was treated differently than the other patients because I didn't make progress like the others did. Guess I feel inferior.

I’m sorry you struggle with that as well. I never had problems in hospitals but in general social situations I have issues. I agree, I have seen it happen to others but it happens to me way more. Basically it just seems like people see me as someone to hang out with out of boredom or convenience untillnsomething better or someone better comes along. And I am sure it is way more common among many friendships, it is just not seen as often. But I believe it happens a lot.