[BrokenDamaged]

And we were not even truly in a relationship, because it was long distance...

It is embarrassing, but this has consumed and destroyed me to the point of attempting suicide (as a contributing factor) since this ended for good in early Feb.

A year ago, an acquaintance 10 years my junior convinced me to start "dating" whenever we met up every 1 - 2 months. At first he wanted a kiss out of nowhere, I guess for bragging rights; but being a wholesome lady in her 30s, I told him that I do not kiss guys I am not dating, and I am kind of a prude TBH. I ended up catching feelings hard after 4 - 6 months because he made me feel so beautiful (he knew I had low self-esteem, but sadly lots of men are very attracted to me for some reason) and special, and unlike my two exes, he was tall, attractive and confident. Then last month I found out he "cheated", then when confronted, I unfriended him on FB almost immediately because we kind of stopped talking as much. However, when confronted, he acted like he did nothing wrong and said I NEVER meant anything to him. I replied, "You only wanted my virginity..." and he responded, "Does that mean I'm supposed to have feelings towards you?!" All this, after repeatedly telling me he liked me since Feb of 2017, and that I meant something to him, otherwise he would not have been with me; spending the night cuddling me, protecting me, asking me to come to events with him, etc... I pleaded with him to tell me if everything was truly a lie, but he would not, so I wished him the best and left forever. Deleting my social media accounts almost immediately after because of that and cyberbullying. Also, somehow lots of his friends knew we were a thing, when I never said anything. I have reason to believe he went around bragging about everything we did.

Even though he knows I have cancer, am severely depressed and such, I cannot believe he said those things, and I DIE every time I think of those texts. He destroyed my self-esteem entirely, and I cannot sleep, and am miserable. Strangely, I have almost ZERO resentment towards him...Constantly worry about him, and at times I almost long for his touch. But in reality, I would probably never allow him to touch me again. Can I overcome this? It is eating me alive everyday...

Edit: also, he is/was dating the girl he cheated with.

[FallDuskTrain]

I am very sorry that the vitality of your health is at risk... i can relate and I have also dealt with chemo while struggling with my MI.
I understand the desire to find comfort in a romantic partner while going through this awful time. Romance is always a risky bet and its risk becomes even more impactful if we are already struggling with severe health problems. Therefore, it is our responsibility to protect ourselves and not take risks that may end up further damaging our health.
In summary, what I am trying to say is that please remember that it is your responsibility to protect your heart and not his... . Please carry this lesson with you. Please don’t give your heart without much through examination.

[magicalprince]

It can be gotten over, but for that to happen, you have got to learn to value yourself.

You are worrying for him in place of worrying for yourself. You are the one who really needs it right now as you are dealing with cancer.

[BrokenDamaged]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I am very sorry that the vitality of your health is at risk... i can relate and I have also dealt with chemo while struggling with my MI.
I understand the desire to find comfort in a romantic partner while going through this awful time. Romance is always a risky bet and its risk becomes even more impactful if we are already struggling with severe health problems. Therefore, it is our responsibility to protect ourselves and not take risks that may end up further damaging our health.
In summary, what I am trying to say is that please remember that it is your responsibility to protect your heart and not his... . Please carry this lesson with you. Please don’t give your heart without much through examination.

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry to hear about your awful cancer experience, and hope it is much better now.

I was only diagnosed in late Dec, and that was around the time he and I were not speaking much...When I was in the hospital for over a week, I spent days crying, wondering why he knew but not once reached out to me to see if I was dead or alive.

I think about him way too much, it needs to stop...

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by BrokenDamaged

Thank you for your reply. I am sorry to hear about your awful cancer experience, and hope it is much better now.


I was only diagnosed in late Dec, and that was around the time he and I were not speaking much...When I was in the hospital for over a week, I spent days crying, wondering why he knew but not once reached out to me to see if I was dead or alive.


I think about him way too much, it needs to stop...

I know that feeling. Isn’t it very interesting how we can fight our way through other vital problems but when our heart is involved, we act like a moron? I never understand why I that.
I feel your pain. The only solution is to act as rational as possible, no matters what your emotions tell you to do. Acting rational includes cutting all contact with him and deleting his contact information.