[graystreet]

I think I'm to the place where I forgive him. He's a man with a lotttttt of problems, just like I'm a woman with a lot of problems. Narcissism and BPD have, at their core, a person who feels empty and deeply unloved. So I get him. I don't condone what he did to me, and there is still a part of me that is angry. But I know what he's feeling--he desperately wants to be loved for the person he is, but doesn't believe that person is worthy of love.

My T said that narcs do believe the lies they tell. And I think he really did care about me in the only way he knew how to, despite his lies. Way back in 2016, it was him who initiated all of this. I remember that conversation: "Wait. I want to be clear, do you want to be with me? Because I want you to. I'm asking you to be with me..." Like my friend S says, "I think he just really wanted you to be the next long term, long distance relationship." And he "loved" those women, even though I know he supplemented those long term relationships with meaningless hookups.

I don't think he thinks that he did anything wrong with hooking up with K. I think he really believes he was telling me the truth when he said "I'm not involved with anyone," because he wasn't "involved." He was just hooking up for meaningless sex with her when things started getting "too difficult" with me. Again, I'm not condoning it or saying he's not an asshole. I'm not justifying his semantics. But I think I get where his mind was at.

There are silly little things that were just ours which I keep coming back to. Yeah, he was horrible in many ways. But those silly little things were real. And many other things were "real" to him, or as real as anything can be when your life is mainly a lie.

[sky457]

Despite all of the ill given out by people....we must forgive, but not forget....

I know it’s tough, I hope you continue to recover from this difficulty.

[graystreet]

Originally Posted by sky457

Despite all of the ill given out by people....we must forgive, but not forget....

I know it’s tough, I hope you continue to recover from this difficulty.

Totally agree.

[Falo]

Originally Posted by graystreet

I think I'm to the place where I forgive him. He's a man with a lotttttt of problems, just like I'm a woman with a lot of problems. Narcissism and BPD have, at their core, a person who feels empty and deeply unloved. So I get him. I don't condone what he did to me, and there is still a part of me that is angry. But I know what he's feeling--he desperately wants to be loved for the person he is, but doesn't believe that person is worthy of love.

My T said that narcs do believe the lies they tell. And I think he really did care about me in the only way he knew how to, despite his lies. Way back in 2016, it was him who initiated all of this. I remember that conversation: "Wait. I want to be clear, do you want to be with me? Because I want you to. I'm asking you to be with me..." Like my friend S says, "I think he just really wanted you to be the next long term, long distance relationship." And he "loved" those women, even though I know he supplemented those long term relationships with meaningless hookups.

I don't think he thinks that he did anything wrong with hooking up with K. I think he really believes he was telling me the truth when he said "I'm not involved with anyone," because he wasn't "involved." He was just hooking up for meaningless sex with her when things started getting "too difficult" with me. Again, I'm not condoning it or saying he's not an asshole. I'm not justifying his semantics. But I think I get where his mind was at.

There are silly little things that were just ours which I keep coming back to. Yeah, he was horrible in many ways. But those silly little things were real. And many other things were "real" to him, or as real as anything can be when your life is mainly a lie.

This shows strength of character.

[Crazy Hitch]

I agree with Falo. Onwards and upwards from here!