Trying SUPER hard not to be sad

So, my 40th is this coming Monday, and, as predicted, I have zero plans. Zip. Ziltch. Nada. Nothing. I've actually tried to make plans with my friends, and everyone is busy. Do they know it's my birthday? Yup. Do they know I've wanted to do something forever? Yup.

Oh but there ARE people who have offered to take me out: People I've met on OkCupid. And nope, they aren't trying to get me liquored up so they can sleep with me. I was chatting with three people in the last 48 hours who are trying to plan dates with me, and all have asked about the weekend. I said, "Well, it's my bday weekend, and I'm not sure yet." They said, "What plans do you have?" Me: "Absolutely nothing." Them: "What? Well, I'd be happy to take you out for dinner/a drink/a slice of cake/whatever you want to do (it depends on the person talking)." It is really sad to me that people who don't even know me are willing to invest time and my own friends aren't.

I know a lot of you have said "It's just another day." But I want to do something. And I don't want to do it alone. I'm really, really, really tired of just expecting that I'm going to be alone on holidays, and being in the same exact place I was on my 30th birthday.

It just feels like absolutely nothing has changed.

Several years ago, I took myself out on my birthday for coffee and a cookie. That was one of the best birthday parties I never had. There was no expectations, no people including me getting drunk, and nobody really cared. I realised that I'd end up that way some day anyway because I'd probably outlive my then-wife and my kids would all be doing their own things. That was very prophetic in ways.
I understand wanting to be celebrated and to some 40 is a big deal. Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday! I took my kids out for my 40th, on an adventure(tri state actually) in between 2 blizzards in sub zero temperatures because the zoo was hosting a superbowl event and frankly there was one winter animal that I wanted to see. My kids made the local paper. Went to an arcade after where they realized I could hold my own at mortal combat.

I don't know. Sometimes it's true that strangers are more willing to share in celebrations whilst everyone else around is busy with their own ins and outs of life.

I am super strapped for cash but I might make a drive somewhere and take myself out for dinner. Drive to Detroit and have a Coney dog—I’ve lived in Michigan over 20 years and have never been to any of the true Coney shops!

There you go! Keep it small, but new is always good too

There is a place here in town that has the BEST cake and cupcakes. OR I could try something new. There is also a creperie (spelling?) that I've always wanted to try. Or I could just get a Jet's pizza and chill out with a movie. If you guys don't have Jet's, it's Detroit-style pizza, kind of deep dish with crusty, caramelized corners and it is THE most delicious. Beats Chicago-style any day.

Now I'm hungry.

Why do my rewards always involve food?

This is why I'm chubby.

I will say that I got kind of mad at my best friend and she said, "I DID invite you to do something! You said no!" I don't really remember this, but at the same time, there has been a lot of dissociation in the last few weeks.

Idk why I put so much emphasis on it. I think I just hate the thought of another year marked being alone. It's not really the birthday, it's comparing myself to what other friends do and feeling that I don't measure up. Which is silly.

*Cheers* for your 40th! I'm turning the big four oohhhhh this month too. And I have zip, zilch, zero plans either.

If you fancy someone, what the heck, go for a drink

I'm not totally sure I fancy anyone. Still trying to get over that last one. Man, was it a doozy!

Happy birthday this month!