I can't clear my conscious...

My parents said that I will stay in therapy until the therapist thinks I am better... They are looking for a new house now and new jobs.. both of them have been with the same company for over 10 years... I feel like everything is forced to change because of me.. it doesn't seem fair...

I was sitting in a session with him and while he was talking I kind of just "slipped away" into a daydream.. I panicked when he touched my shoulder to get my attention... I just fell to the ground and screamed... he said that I got up and just started walking to the window not paying attention... he said that I might have PTSD, Flashbacks, Depression, and Dissociation...

I feel so broken.. I can't control my mind anymore... I can't focus.. It's scary...

Artimus, what you described sounds like dissociation. My heart ached for you reading this. back when if my T had touched me when I dissociated I would have been hiding under a table in the corner. Why not ask your T not to touch you if you do during a session? There are ways of bringing someone back that don't involve touch. There are also grounding techniques you can learn if you are aware you are "slipping away."

Hon it will get better. It won't happen over night, but it will happen.

MAy I ask, why do you and your parents have to move? Your boyfriend and his loser friend are the ones at fault here. Why do you have to uproot and move because of what they did?

I've been getting a lot of basklash from people in the neighborhood... Saying that I lied.. it didn't matter to them that there was physical, legitimate proof.... They decided to move because I tried to kill myself...

I dont have advice, but my heart aches reading all this. You have no fault here and I can not believe the cruelty you are experiencing.

Do not guilt yourself for your parents moving. If you were one of my kids, I would move too in order to help protect you. A child is worth more than anything in the world and you are theirs.

Please keep posting and talking here. You are not alone. We believe you. You matter. Your life matters.

I'm so sorry this is happening on top of what you already went through. Sounds like a toxic area for you to live in.

Yeah.. I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle yesterday to get away from everything. They live on a nice big property so I have just been spending most of my time walking outside. It's really peaceful

My parents said I will have to wait on my therapy sessions till they are able to find a house and get us all settled in.

I couldn't help but think about Nathan though... I do hope, deep down, that he is okay.. but I know there isn't anything I can do now :/

I read through all of the OP's comments and some of the other's posters...I will try to add a new thought.

Irregardless of what is happening now with N and close-minded gossip, the focus must be on you, your mental and physical well-being, and your safety. I urge you to practice self-care in anyway you can in baby steps. Focus on the present, but accept your feelings on the situation without passing judgement. That is something to work on in therapy, "how can I practice self-care and take care of my mind and body?" There is meditation and mindfulness, and there is also something I like to call "living deliberately", where each activities of daily living is fulfilled with your full attention by using all of your senses. I like that you are in a place where you can get some exercise, incorporate stretches and yoga into it. Music is always very helpful to many people, and so is cooking healthy meals. For more suggestions, conduct a google search on self-care, but to be honest, when I am at my lowest point, every action I take I give it my full attention and perceive it as if I've never done it before. Try doing so while brushing your teeth, brush with the opposite hand you normally use, feel the weight of it in your hand, and see if you can feel each bristle as you run your thumb across it, etc etc and go through the entire process feeling every tooth you brush and imagine the bad bacteria leaving your teeth as it is replaced with cleanliness and good health, etc etc.

I strongly urge you to practice self-care, you deserve it.