What do I do about this guy?

I have been talking to a guy via text who I met on OkCupid. We haven't met yet. But have been texting for over 2 weeks. We've had a really great vibe in conversation (though to be honest, it's just text. And I am not even sure if there's a physical attraction. I haven't even heard his voice, and he's not the typical guy I go for). Anyway, we were talking about meeting. I was game for meeting. We were talking about possibly yesterday. But it was my b-day, so I'd said I'd let him know. We were talking on Wednesday evening. The last message I sent him, he never responded to. Then I never heard from him on Thursday. I felt weird about it. I did decide to not do anything with him on my birthday. I'd have to drive an hour just to meet him halfway anyway. And my car is ******. I texted him Thursday that next week would be better. Never heard back from him. Friday, my birthday rolls around and I don't hear from him at all. I pretty much at this point, figure he decided he's not interested / changed his mind. Etc. I was kinda bummed! But I rolled with it, too. I ended up erasing his number. Anyway, he texted me this afternoon and was like "sorry, things have been kinda crazy! happy belated birthday!" No explanation. I wrote back and said "what happened? I thought you'd lost interest." and he seemed really flippant but positive, responding with exclamation points, etc. Said he's still interested. He finally also said that he had to work and work was crazy. I guess I just thought it was weird. And a stupid answer. He's also a grad student who finished finals earlier this week. I know he'd been tired too.

But what the ****. Maybe I just have different expectations and perspective. I don't know. To top it off, I have a UTI, and had an allergic reaction to the med my doctor put me on. So I have to deal with that ****, and to be honest, I really just want to tell this dude I'm not interested anymore. Or just not get back to him. He really seems to not get it that what he did bothered me. And before anyone jumps on me: I recognize that we haven't even met yet. But truly, I just think it's weird I didn't hear from him. Even on my birthday.

Should I give this guy a chance? Should I tell him how he made me feel? (I already did, and he seemed to brush it off. he said reassuring words "nah, I would tell you if I wasn't interested", but I didn't feel reassured) Is it too harsh to just say "**** it" and move on? I really just think it's kind of strange of him, and his answer was kind of lame. Idk. He seemed so flippant and he kept saying "so anyway, how are you?" Like he didn't want to talk about it. I don't know. I mean, I really thought he wasn't interested anymore, and I'd deleted his number. Did I jump the gun? Or is this just me and do I just have my own personal standards?

I’d meet for coffee, you might find that you really have nothing in common, texts will only tell you so much... or you guys might hit it off.

I think it's ok to give him a chance, sometimes life does happen, if he made a habit of it then I'd be questioning his interest

I will think about it. I don't know why it bothered me that he didn't text me on my birthday and just seemed to drop off the planet. (It's not like we're together or have even met)

Makes sense.

This response is to Christina!

He honestly could have been that wrapped up in his life atm , had you already met a few times and had a good time them I would have been upset in your case.

I prefer no one acknowledge my birthday at all , but that’s just my quirk.

Haha, yeah. I might need more going on for myself. I notice I get more hurt when people don't get back to me when I'm not as engaged in life. And this UTI has made my mood pretty crummy too. I still think he acted kinda thoughtless. But you and Whispershadow are right. If it's something he keeps doing (especially if we get closer and start dating), then I can reassess. And it's true, we may not have anything in common when we meet. Or we may. Thanks

It takes all of 2 seconds to text happy birthday. If you were really interested in someone you would find those 2 seconds. We make time for what matters. So for me I would move on.

Right????? Thank you for this. I just thought his reason was lame too ("I had a crazy work day" - yet he ignored me for 2 days straight). It didn't really explain anything. And I'd had to press him a little to even explain. He didn't give an explanation at first. Sigh. Maybe I just don't do dating well. Or maybe I just expect certain things from people who I have been texting for 2 weeks and been getting close with. I don't care that its just text. He's been trying to get close to me. Like he's been calling me hun and stuff, and we've been kind of emotionally intimate through text. So...Yeah. thank you.

Since you’ve never met I wouldn’t take it personal. But I’d probably make sure you talk on the phone and meet for coffee soon or I’d end it. Texting doesn’t reveal anything about the person. It’s quite easy to be intimate through texting or say all kind of things people wouldn’t say face to face. I’d speed up meeting or be done to be honest

I had days like that when I was a computer engineer & we had a dead line to make. No one would of understood more of an explanation than work was crazy either. I would get so busy that everything else was way down on my priority & thinking.....i would give benefit of the doubt ubtil yiu know him better. See if it becomes a pattern.

Thanks everyone

I also wanna know what Bill thinks. Can someone page him? Bill!!

Bottom line: if it upset you that he didn't remember your birthday after you knew him for 2 weeks - move. on. girl. Because that's obviously a deal breaker for you. It's not going to get better.

Also, my fiancé never once tells me he's busy. Not even when he is. Sure, he doesn't answer the phone as fast anymore because we're getting married and he knows I like him, but if he had ever said "I was busy" as an excuse for not contacting me I'd say "too busy for me, bye!" and move oooon.

I did OKCupid (not where I met fiancé, sorry) and I can say this: don't be exclusive to one guy (especially for 2 weeks before even meeting!!) because NONE of them are giving you that same service. Try this: schedule a couple of "alright" dates for the week, the one you really want on the weekend, and then be completely honest about dating around. BUT don't put out to any of them because then they will assume you're doing that with everyone.

Once HE has asked you to be his exclusive girlfriend (and only accept those words) cancel all of your other dates and tell them why. If things don't work out with your new boyfriend, the guys will respect you more (and may consider you again in the future).

But don't be that serious about a new person knowing your birthday. If I were the guy, and I found that out, I'd run!

I would meet him for coffee ASAP but I'd also be careful. I agree that when I get busy I see texts but forget to reply. But also, yeah, it takes a second to text Happy Birthday.

I'd give this guy a chance...coming from someone who's experienced a very similar situation, I've learned that not everyone functions on the same wavelength...it could be he got caught up in his studies, etc. Not trying to make excuses for him, but at least hear him out and find out what's going on with him. Good luck!

I think that it is good to listen to your gut, which, it sounds like, is telling you to be uneasy about him.

Happy belated birthday!

Thank you Bill!!!! (For the validation / confirmation, and the b-day wishes)

I don't think this guy has done anything wrong at all. You don't know each other. So there is no obligation.
However your clearly on different wave lengths so wether he is,a good match for you...probably not. That's probably why it feels hinky.

This pretty much feels resolved to me and I don't need to hear people debating about this, further commenting, or making assumptions about me. Thanks

Glad you are feeling resolved about this

I suggest you request to have the thread closed by admin....will help keep people from responding as many just read the first post & reply without reading the thread all the way through

This thread has been closed at the OP's request.