[lovethesun]

Two of my family members recently had a terrible argument while on vacation together. Many hurtful things were said and it was so bad that one of them left early and flew home without telling the other one. There are underlying issues that I believe fueled the epic argument, mainly marital problems and controlling rude in-laws. I've only spoken to one party to this argument and it sounds like most of the fault lies with the other person (which is also the person with the marital problems and resulting anger issues). I know I have not heard both people out, but there was an eye witness who was on the phone with one of them when all of this went down and that persons account supports my hunch. Neither one of these 2 people is speaking to each other, but they are both calling me wanting me to take their side. personally, I think they need to call each other and work out what happened instead of calling me. Do I step in and try to mediate? Or do I stay silent and let them work it out between them?

[Skeezyks]

Well... I don't have any basis for saying this. But my personal recommendation would be to stay out of it. From what you wrote, it sounds like you weren't present when the argument went down. So everything you know is second hand at best. And besides... this is between the 2 people who had the argument. I think you're correct when you wrote they need to be talking to each other, not trying to drag you into their argument. All your becoming involved is going to do is to mire you in a family feud & throw additional fuel onto what sounds like an already raging fire to no useful purpose. Tell them to work it out between themselves. You're not going to become involved...

[divine1966]

Not sure why you think it would be appropriate to interfere. Did they ask you to?

[healingme4me]

I've learned that it's best to state up front that sides will not be taken, if indeed there's no preference in taking a side.

I've learned it's better not to try to play role of mediator but be a supportive presence without feeding info.

[LookingforCalm]

No way. It is never good to get in the middle of something like this. Either they work it out or nominate a neutral party to help them do so.

You should not get involved. As much as you want to help, it will be cause drama for you because you didn't pick the "right side".

Tell them both to talk to each other instead of you. Otherwise, you are the bad guy, no matter what.

[eskielover]

I ended up in the middle of a confrontation & didn't have a choice but to take the mediator position. It went ok until the next week when one came back & apoligized & the other person couldn't accept the apology & just kept saying " I have never been treated like that before"

She had no idea that I knew how she had previously treated the other person that created this whole situation in the first place.

I got so disgusted with her I said " well someone should have because your behavior is unacceptable"

Needless to say, moderating between 2 people fighting is NOT for the inexperienced nor the faint of heart.

Best to stay out if you were not there in the middle of it from the beginning

[seesaw]

Stay out of it. Regardless of your hunches and eye witnesses, you do not know the full story, and it's also none of your business. Let them sort if out for themselves. All you will do is create more drama by getting involved.

I had a disagreement with my eldest brother and my uncle kept trying to get in the middle and play mediator. He had my brother's side of the story, who conveniently left out important parts and facts. I refused to tell my uncle anything, and told him repeatedly to stay out of it, it's between me and my brother. My uncle proceeded to tell my parents and grandparents my brother's side of hte story and tell them it's true, and I almost got disowned. Finally, my father, who knew the whole story, told him to stop spreading rumors and told him the real story, and all of a sudden everyone is apologizing to me, because I didnt' do anything wrong, my brother had done something very cruel to me. But if you hear his side, it sounds like I was in the wrong. But that's because he wasn't being truthful.

Point is, YOU DON'T KNOW. And you're already biased. When I have a disagreement with someone, it's between me and that person, it's not for some 3rd party to stick their nose in and stir it up.

Leave it be. It's none of your business. I mean, really, how is THEIR disagreement affecting you? Other than possible discomfort?

Seesaw

I am at odds with my mother's sister and have been for about 10 years. My mom's brother has been very upfront that he is not taking a side, he does not want to discuss it and he will not get involved. It works. If he started getting involved, it would negatively impact my relationship with him.

[Bill3]

personally, I think they need to call each other and work out what happened instead of calling me.

You are correct. Tell them that and then stay out of it.

Originally Posted by lovethesun

Two of my family members recently had a terrible argument while on vacation together. Many hurtful things were said and it was so bad that one of them left early and flew home without telling the other one. There are underlying issues that I believe fueled the epic argument, mainly marital problems and controlling rude in-laws. I've only spoken to one party to this argument and it sounds like most of the fault lies with the other person (which is also the person with the marital problems and resulting anger issues). I know I have not heard both people out, but there was an eye witness who was on the phone with one of them when all of this went down and that persons account supports my hunch. Neither one of these 2 people is speaking to each other, but they are both calling me wanting me to take their side. personally, I think they need to call each other and work out what happened instead of calling me. Do I step in and try to mediate? Or do I stay silent and let them work it out between them?

Let them work it out on their own