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Member
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: Virginia
Posts: 363
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May 25, 2018 at 05:29 PM
#1
I’ve been with my girl for about a year and a half now and it’s been good for the most part. She’s loving, nurturing, smart, selfless, and beautiful. She’s not without her flaws though same as everybody. But for the past couple months she’s been spouting off this whole thing about after two years she expects to a ring from me.
Unfortunately I suffered from an accident that almost killed me. Leaving me in recovery and disabled for a year say the doctors. So Mu life is very much up in the air. I only work at a part time job, I had to quit trade school, give up a much higher paying job, and now have medical bills. I honestly don’t see how she thinks the timing is right. If I was to get married now I would loose my insurance and she would lose her disability benefits. Leaving us both up **** creek without a paddle. |
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 MickeyCheeky
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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,402
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May 25, 2018 at 05:33 PM
#2
You need to say exactly what you just wrote to us, to her. She has expressed some expectations. I think it's only fair for you (Fair to both of you) for you to be honest with where you are in your life.
Is this just a longer timeline for you or a decision to make? Like, do you want to be with her, but a marriage isn't possible right now? Or are you not sure you want to be married to her? Seesaw __________________  What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: Virginia
Posts: 363
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May 25, 2018 at 05:53 PM
#3
Quote:
It’s really both in a way. I’m not 100% sure I want to be with her and if I was; now definitely isn’t the time. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,878
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May 25, 2018 at 08:07 PM
#4
If you aren’t 100% sure, you shouldn’t marry.
I spent 9 years with someone not being sure, we eventually move in together, I still wasn’t sure. It was a good relationship but still I always was one foot out. Eventually I figured it’s time for me to move on. I do not regret but frankly 9 years of not being sure is just too long When I met my husband I was sure within two months. We waited 7 months to get engaged just so we don’t freak our kids out by marrying too soon. Lol Few months after that we were married. All of a sudden I had no fear of commitment When you meet right person, you just know. |
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Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
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May 25, 2018 at 08:23 PM
#5
Maybe it's more of a mental timeline that she has given herself as to not remain stuck/trapped in a go nowhere relationship? Certainly, the financial logistics of your situation don't sound like something to rush into marriage over, however, it sounds like it's probably more than that?
Some relationships aren't so clear with stay or leave options. |
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New Member
Member Since May 2018
Location: Hudson
Posts: 5
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May 30, 2018 at 05:45 AM
#6
Speak your mind on this one, say exactly what you wrote. it is easy to be clouded by the beautiful idea of getting married but if she cares about you, she will understand and be patient. Waiting shouldn't be an issue when you plan on being together forever, anyway!
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
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May 30, 2018 at 09:42 PM
#7
Quote:
If you don't feel the timing's right, then let her find someone else who's ready. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
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May 31, 2018 at 12:26 AM
#8
Just be honest with her on your reasons to not get married right now.
Maybe she just wants to make sure your not wasting her time ? Lousy way for her to go about it. As for your medical and her disability it can make a huge change in your benefits. Maybe a promise ring would help if you think it might work out ? Might be her just wanting commitment. Just be honest, it’s hard sometimes but necessary. Good luck __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
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May 31, 2018 at 03:12 AM
#9
Being honest is the only solution. Good luck
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
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May 31, 2018 at 06:11 AM
#10
Does she mean two more years or two years total? That would mean you have six months until she is expecting an engagement. I don’t think she said anything most women wouldn’t have also said who wanted marriage. You should just be mature and honest with her. If you are not sure you want to commit to her after 1 1/2 years, maybe you both should move on.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: Virginia
Posts: 363
8 |
Jun 01, 2018 at 05:24 PM
#11
Quote:
I would say that I am a committed man. It’s just that marriage kind of scares at this point. I’m scared that I may be missing out in life by getting married or that it would become the biggest mistake of my life. |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: Virginia
Posts: 363
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Jun 01, 2018 at 05:27 PM
#12
Quote:
I asked her earlier in our relationship about promises rings and she said it would feel like a tease. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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