Always Victimized

I am through with it
My ex therapist long ago severely demoralized me
Parents do, too. They do so terribly
A woman I met long ago, severely crushed me into severe stress

I've been looking for a therapist like finding water in a desert - none
I wanted to feel better, but instead everything takes too long
My parents are unable to help me, whether they mean to or not, whether they care or not, I am not getting adequate help from them whether they like it or not

*takes breath*
Being clear and receptive of help, support and sometimes criticism has been hard for me because of all that has happened
But I like things my own way
What has happened has also unfortunately, altered how I would respond and talk here, so I apologize for any inconvenience

I am all alone, all tired
I am too alone, I really wish I could talk to someone, anyone

I wanted to give good to the world. But my family severely discourages that, and I am too worn out to give to the world, as much as I want to have a bright future, and move forward with the world

That's all I have to say
I wish I could be a better person

You are a better person. You are a worthwhile person. You are a valuable person.

Why? Why do you think so?

You are an honest person. Your honesty put me off at first, but not so much now.

I think we all are to a measure and I know we forget this time and time again. I think you are overly hard on yourself. We are our own biggest critics. Consider what you find worthy in other people. Do you hold yourself to the same standard? Possibly but I am inclined to think you might have a tougher standard for yourself.

I think so because I am sure deep down you can find the belief you are so too.

I mean, I thought I can be a good relationship partner, but words can hurt.
I was hurt by many critics of women on this website regarding a relationship

All I wanted was to know how to be better, compared to being told what not to do and always say what is bad all the time

Can you clarify a few details?

1) You mention doing good in the world, but it's discouraged. I presume this means you have something you want to do? What is that?
2) How did the woman you were with cause you stress?
3) Why did you feel demoralised by you therapist?

On reading the little I have, it seems you have a feeling of lack of fulfilment or satisfaction in your life. You want to do something, or find someone you can share your love with, but feel there's no hope there. Your lack of hope is probably holding you back on progressing with your personal goals, so by actively working on feeling self confidence and satisfaction is probably the most important step for you to take steps forward in your life.

I don't know you, but I can say one thing about you, which is you're amazing. I truly believe everyone has something special within them to offer the world, so I hope you get to do good in the world as you wish.

Why do you think I am amazing?

There's a difference between being victimized and playing the victim...Do you know which is which? I'm a little confused as to what you mean.

So correct me if I'm wrong - you're confused whether I am victimized or playing the victim

For the exact reason I said in my previous post, I think everyone has something special to offer.

Frankly, you've already got a head start on offering what you think you should, as you acknowledged that you want to give something good to the world.

Can I ask why you didn't respond to my questions?

I can relate to being hurt by alot of people . This lead to me avoiding people as much as possible to avoid further pain . But now I am lonely so it's a lose lose situation .

It's good that you are looking for a therapist . I hope you find a good one . I'm hoping to get some therapy soon too .

You said you want to talk to someone , anyone . Well you can talk to me any time , I'm lonely too and i will try to be a good friend to you .

Well, this pain is not pleasant to carry around. And yes, it makes it severely hard to be around people because of it
Therapy will not fix it, well, at least its source
I really hate it when people are allowed to abuse others like that, up to a point where mental health and physical health alike are negatively affected
This is not a reality we want to live in. Not just us, no one even outside the forums will want to live in such reality

You know, those comments put me off. I am clearly saying I am victimized. If you think otherwise, then you just don't trust me. Further that, you do not bother responding back, so it amplifies the fact that you don't really care

My parents have high expectations of me. They disregard my mental health with that. They really just don't care. I don't understand how some people can make up sentences such as "Your parents love you" with no regard to what I've been through. Why am I calling you for support (those who say said quote) if you support my parents instead of me?

I understand how you feel about your parents and have been there. My parents although I have severe mental illness, they wanted me to be a surgeon. I honestly know how you feel. Your parents may be living through you as mine did. But, one day they will realize you can't fulfill their dreams as I did not. Thus, my parents wanted the best for themselves but have finally realized it is not meant to be. I am happier now because they have come back to reality to some extent about my situation. However, while I was really sick and going through the motions of professional graduate school, I lived one day at a time hoping my situation would come to an end. I went through it all becoming a wiser person but wish I could have done something else during this time. I have a medical degree but cannot practice because I don't have the training to do so and I don't want to practice. I hated being so ill and graduating without knowing what I was doing. I am glad it is over!! So, I empathize with you. Life gets better through time like fine wine. Please don't judge your life and yourself through your parents' expectation but value yourself from within yourself. I could be called a failure but I am a survivor and in my eyes, a winner through it all. Please believe in yourself and enjoy life with what you have. Life is a wink in time. Before you know it, life comes to an end. So, enjoy life to the fullest and be proud of who you are for coming this far and surviving the worst of it. The best is yet to come.

Vibrating Obsidian, I can relate a lot. If you've seen my recent posts you would understand.
I am a person suffering from psychosis. I wasn't taught any life skills nor I will ever have, but I am still hopeful regardless. My parents (my dad especially) tortured me and to this very day they still do. They don't let me act like a normal teenager. They abuse me psychologically.

When I was around in third or fourth grade, why didn't they let me learn to ride a bicycle, and then socialize with my peers? I mean, they did a huge mistake for themselves and even for me too. They still do not understand socializing is absolutely necessary for a person's overall health, not just mental health. Had I learnt how to ride a bicycle, socialized with peers, wouldn't I be able to ride a geared bike now?

I am sorry if you find my wording confusing, I have schizophrenia.

I mean, I would have been quite normal if the only thing that they would have done is to let me live my life my way. Going outside on bicycle with friends for school before the age of 10? Hell yes, would have saved me from being the person I am.

Fast forward, to today. I have become a seventeen year old, psychotic kid who weighs around 100kg. I have the mental maturity of a four or five year old whenever I go outside. I still am a pillion rider, my dad drives a two wheeler whose production stopped ten years ago. To leave me at college and drop me back home of course. Why would I want to go outside on my own? Am I a lunatic? Why shouldn't I read books all day so I can be a successful person that earns a hefty salary?

Isn't money all that matters? I mean, why would you want friends, girlfriend, acquaintances, and people outside the college? Isn't that a waste of time? Study young man, you will be a successful man one day!

I call it ********.

I wanted to be quite normal too. Kids of my age now ride Royal Enfield and KTM, perhaps even own at least one of 'em. I still can't ride a bicycle. I know how to ride a scooter, but I am terrible at it. Because of my parent's poor ****ing "judgement" about raising kids, I have become a burden to my teachers. My peers laugh at me, tell each other how lunatic I am, plot to harm me and repeat. I know now I can be never successful in any area of life, let it be academic or social. I lack social skills. So much my psychiatrist doesn't bother giving me therapy.

Everywhere I go people give me awkward looks.


For ****'s sake, I am a teenager and I should be attending parties, kissing girlfriends, go to trekking and enjoying all sorts of social activities with my friends. Going to a restaurant with my iPod on, riding my Classic 350 bike (which has a 350cc engine) because friends called? That would have been my life if I was born to sane parents.

I am not. It's the end of it. Thanks, life.

I am victimized too, but I have hope one day I will be normal, I will even bargain with Dormammu for it....

(I am daydreaming myself as Doctor Strange to prevent myself from hurting much.)