[eskielover]

Try try again....my internet connection keeps loosing my posts when I submit them....this is the 3rd try

I was grumbling about the dent in my new truck door left by a shopping cart in the walmart parking lot & met a person who was rebuilding a farm house south of town where I am working on my farm north of town. We mentioned where we lived & he invited me to see the house he was working on but I declined with my dog & ice cream in the truck.

I drove home & was working or smoothing out the gravel driveway that had been dumped earlier that week. There he drove up the street just dropping by. I took him on a tour of the house & told him about the windows & doors that I really didn't need & if he has use for them in the house he was working on....to please take them. He said he would do it in exchange for helping do some work around here that I needed done. That sounded reasonable & we exchanged phone #'s. In talking, I had made it known that I was married even though my husband was in California. Just said that he was having to figure himself out before I would ever let the ruts from California join me here in Kentucky, but who knows, miricals can happen & I was definitely not interested in any kind of relationship other than a friendship!!!!!!!!

Got a call later that evening suggesting that he should light my pilot light to the furnace because the weather was getting cold. I nicely told him I was planing on doing in soon & I could handle it myself quite well but thanked him anyway.

The phone calls to say "HI" started coming every night. He came over the next weekend with his trailer to haul the windows & doors to the barn on the farm & I thought since I hadn't eaten dinner that I would take him our to dinner to thank him for helping clear out my mess. The next day, I got a call inviting me to dinner....he was grilling on his deck. I declined, not wanting to make anything into an everyday thing....the everyday phone calls were enough.

The next week, the everyday calls to say "HI" continued & then he invited me to a family wedding so I could get out of the house & meet some people. I thought that might be a safe environment to be in, so I accepted. That was ok....& the next day, he invited me to dinner again. I was in the middle of a project, but wouldn't have accepted for the same reason again. I had my phone charging in the upstairs & was in the basement cleaning it up. It turned into an all nighter & ended up getting a voice mail, just saying Hi. I was so exhausted after the all nighter that I crashed & slept until late the next morning after putting my phone on silent so I wouldn't be disturbed. I got a voicemail the next morning concened that I was ok & that I hadn't answered my phone & he was going to drive out to my house & check if I was ok. I called & assured him I was just fine. I was busy & didn't have time to talk & then was exhausted & was sleeping.

The everyday calls to say "Hi" continued. I got a call from the pastor of the new church I'm going to & he wanted to come & visit. I had a room full of boxes & a few chairs around the house that needed moved so we had room to sit & chat. The boxes were full of Christmas decorations, so I took some out & started decorating. I got the room presentable with 2 chairs for sitting in but it took all night to accomplish. I had a voicemail "just to say Hi" but was too exhausted to make any call. I crashed again until the next morning & again, I had a concerned voicemail, telling me that I hadn't answered my phone & he was going to come & check on me because he was worried.

I was starting to feel like I was being manulipated into having to talk to him every night or I would worry him. I don't mind being friends, but when I am made to feel like I have to talk to someone everyday, it bothers me. I was just fine for 2 1/2 months before I met him & am just fine at taking care of myself. I don't need a caretakes or someone to worry about me. If a person wants to be a friend. I told him I appreciated his concern, but I was just fine. I said I have projects I'm working on & have to be free to work without having to feel that I have to talk to anyone. I told him I need my alone time & that I can't be tied to having to do something. I tried to be nice about it....so we will see if it works this time.

Friendships don't smother the other person or make them feel that they HAVE to so something or else. This just wasn't the way a friendship relation....I know that people are very nice, but I need my space & when I feel that my space is being forced away from me & put the breaks on any reliationship that interfears with my needs.

It is sad when things like this happen beause people are very nice, but when I feel smothered, I definitely have to get back into control of the situation.

Debbie

[bebop]

he sounds like a true southern gentleman hon. welcome to the south. I understand how you feel though. not sure how I would react either. good luck hon!

[sabby]

((((((((((((( eskie ))))))))))))))

I so understand how you are feeling about this. Don't blame you one little bit. If need be, maybe you can set up a time when it's convenient for you to hear from him...like once a week maybe?? Maybe this man, aside from being a true "southern gentleman" is lonely and happy to have a new friend to talk to and associate with. Not that I'm trying to make excuses for him....just a thought I sure hope things work out for you on your terms hon.....I'm sure you will be the kind and caring person you always are to get your point across. And if that doesn't work.....carry a big stick (just kidding)

Hugsss
sabby

[silentangel]

I agree, welcome to the south LOL

seriously, not all men are like that here as you will soon find out. Just be honest with him, tell him your not used to being "checked on" so often, and that it makes you feel uncomfortable. A "true" friend will take a step back and think "wow, i didnt mean to do that" and apologize

[50guy]

Well, it sounds like that ol' southern gentleman is a little sweet on you. Just tell him to back off a little and he will be ok. Take it nice and easy. It is good to have a friend when you're new in a town. Pretty handy to have around.

Good luck,

[eskielover]

Thanks all,

He is a very nice person I can definitely say that. It sure is nice to have a friend, but I don't do the "all the time thing" & it seems as if he got the point this time. I will call him later in the week just to say "Hi.".....let him know that I won't just call his if I need something fixed (like he asked me to do....Lol).

I have my own space that I need to live in & I just don't like that space being invaded. I never did well with guys who wanted to be there all the time.....can't even handle being around my husband 24/7, so not about to allow a stranger there everyday.

I know he said something about feeling good for just about the length of time we have known each other. I think he was feeling very alone & just needed someone to talk to but no matter what the issue is, I still have my boundaries that I need to keep & to me that is the most important. When I am forced to feel uncomfortable, I usually bale completely away from someone, so don't think that will happen cause it seems that he respected what I said the other day.

Southern Gentelmen.....guess I just don't get it being a native Californian.....but as I said, I have my boundaries that I feel comfortable with & those I just can't change.

Thanks for the input, I really appreciate other perspectives,
Debbie

[SeptemberMorn]

I know exactly how your feel, Debbie. Only in my case, it's an old lady, not a "southern gentleman." LOL

She doesn't call to "check on" me as much as she does to whine and complain, or to retell the stories of her youth for the umpteenth time! On top of all that, what I happen to squeeze out just totally goes over her head. She doesn't want to hear it or anything else. All she wants is to talk about herself. OOOH, boy, does the guilt fly if I don't answer my phone or walk my dog past her house!

I need my alone time with my dog. She's such a goof and teases so easy! She knows I'm teasing her, too. When I take her out for a walk, I like to tire her out to keep her energy level down as well as her weight. This woman doesn't understand any of this. She gives me the impression she should be more important than my dog. I don't thiiink so!

I hope your "southern gentleman" can understand your needs and wishes better than my neighbor... or at least respect them!